Written by Backandtotheleft

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

Despite this season being a catastrophic failure of somewhat epic proportions Manchester United manager, Jose Maureen, will more than likely be handed even more money to throw at his failing team.

The subsequent spending spree will more than likely take his spending to well over £10billion but will he be any closer to saving face?

It’s been a difficult season of “dabbing”, “sulking” and ever changing hairstyles for the United fans to stomach but no fear another spending spree is coming! To go with the one last summer....and the summer before that.....

Maureen (from behind bullet proof glass ) said: Of course the only way to build a team is to buy players. If that does not work you buy more players. When that does not work you buy more players. It is simple. I won at the BINGO last night so I know success.
United’s struggles this season have come as a surprise to most football fans but not to Maureen:

How can I expect to compete when City have Silva? Why do I not have Silva? You’ll have to ask the FA. People talk and talk and talk but I do action and my action is to talk about not having the same players as Man City. If I was in charge of them now I would have just won the league so where would your questions be then? This is simple. I once won a game of Cluedo just by guessing the answer.

He waved his hands around theatrically

I want Ramsey and Ramos and Bale and Neymar and Messi and Kroos and Sterling and Salah and Allisson in the summer or I’m leaving. It’s not a level playing field and because were suffering, so badly suffering, it’s affecting the entire country. The country is suffering with us, everyone wants to see me succeed. When I finished a lap in my local swimming pool everyone in the pool stopped what they were doing and begun to applaud me. It is like this on public transport also. I’m a hero.

Obviously.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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