Written by Kyle Rambo

Saturday, 20 January 2018

There is breaking news in the world of professional sports transportation. According to NFL analyst Adam Schefter, Jacksonville Jaguars Quarterback Blake Bortles will be not be traveling with the team on their flight to New England. Instead he will be taking a bus.

"According to one of my sources' source's source the Jaguars organization will no longer be allowing their quarterback to do anything in the air."

Said Schefter, the last remaining human to still use a Blackberry.

"The extent of the decision goes as far as not allowing Bortles to get on his tippy toes or take an escalator at the mall."

The details of Bortles' journey have not been released but rumors are he will be taking public buses. This means he will have to transfer buses every three blocks and wait at least fifty-nine minutes at each stop. The Jaguars will be giving Bortles one bus pass for his troubles.

"I'm not too good at understanding routes so hopefully I can figure out where the buses are going."

Said Bortles, who missed putting his quarters into the bus change slot by an alarming five yards.

"The Tom Brady Method really helps me get through adversity like this."

The Patriots were shocked by this strategy to not fly Bortles in and were very willing to share their adjusted game plan.

"We're onto Cincinnati."

Said Patriots Head Coach and part time hoodie model Bill Belichick.

Even Jaguar fans are a bit shocked by the news but they still remain optimistic headed into the Conference Championship matchup.

"The Jaguars going to the Super Bowl will inspire me to follow my lifelong dream of moving out of Jacksonville."

Said Jaguars fan and Jacksonville resident Mark Brunell.

"If the Jags win this game Jacksonville could move into a 6-way tie for second best city in Florida so it will still rank below every other inhabited location."

Bortles is expected to arrive in New England before the first tackle in the Pro Bowl is made. Therefore it is unclear if he'll make it to Gillette Stadium in time to start the game. However, Jacksonville coaches will not be too worried about Bortles arriving in time for kickoff as the Jaguars will be playing their defensive unit for the entire game.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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