Written by Paul Blake

Thursday, 30 April 2015

image for Rafa's Service Routine May Be Pooh Related, Doctor's Say.
Rafa Fans Might Be Yelling, 'Eeeew!' Real Soon.

Madrid, Spain - In sport, amateurs and pro players alike, will often stick with any strange ritual that is working for them, and it certainly doesn't seem like champion tennis star, Rafael Nadal, will be giving up his well-documented little OCD routine at the service line anytime soon.

Sports psychologist, Dr. Manny Backhand, says that Rafa's routine is much more deep-seeded than just tugging a little wedgie out of his bum and then touching his face. "He wants to smell his poop!" explained Dr. Backhand matter-of-factly. "He wants to get the smell of his poop on his fingers and then he wants to sniff it. He wants to tell himself, 'My poop smells the great. My poop smells the best. My poop smells better than my opponents,'" explained the doctor. "It's really a very natural animalistic instinct. This is the way that lions and tigers act, out in the wild."

We wondered if there was any chance that Rafa might be able to change his ways.

"Oh, good God no!" explained the star doctor again. "He's a lost cause. Rafa probably won't stop until he is giving himself a full-blown 'Dirty Sanchez,' right there in the middle of center-court. And I am afraid that this will not do much for his t-shirt sales at the end of the day."

We asked other professional players, what they make of Rafa's strange little ritual, during warm-up sessions at the Miami Open in Key Biscayne, Florida. "He can do whatever he likes," said World # 2, Rodger Federer, from practice court # 4, "But... the very first ball I see come over the net with a brown 'Nike swoop' on it, I'm calling the chair umpire! Fecal E-coli is no laughing matter, and I have five sets of twins at home to worry about!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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