Written by Paul Blake

Thursday, 23 April 2015

image for Rory Takes Another Swing at Wozniacki!
Woz Keeps Rory's Balls Super Clean!

Dublin, Ireland - Most journalists covering the sporting world thought it would never happen, but it has - Irish Golfer Rory Mcilroy has taken the star tennis player, Caroline Wozniacki, back into his well-pumped biceps.

We had our Ace-In-The-Hole reporter, Chip Fairway, fly over to the local gym in Northern Ireland, where Mcilroy likes to workout.

We found Rory curling 400 lb weights with each arm, talking casually and signing a few autographs while simultaneously shooting a Nike underwear ad. Afterwards, he reflected on the rocky relationship with Caroline, down near a pond behind the gym, where he likes to go for a walk and casually skip 3 irons across the water. "I just really like how clean she kept my balls, and I mean that seriously," he said, seemingly straight-faced. "She's just very tidy like that, and I missed it, I guess."

When asked to clarify, Chip was startled by the response.

"I mean, it wasn't just the balls. She could wrap the tightest grip around my shaft that you could ever imagine. Ummm, so tight. And at my level, I demand a pretty tight grip."

When probed deeper by Chip, MaciIroy gave no illusions that he was trying to be overtly sexual in any way. "Oh no, we're both pure as the driven snow in that regards." Rory explained. "Two total virgins."

Leaving our man Chip mystified - and in a fit of giggles.

"Did I mention that she's also amazing at scraping the muddy clumps of off the bottom of my bag?" MaciIroy added after Chip stopped laughing.

No Rory, you didn't.

"And I can always hear her yelling the loudest at my balls, 'Stick in the hole!'"

All the best to you - you two free-swinging hellcats.

"She keeps her back-nine very well groomed as well!" called out Rory as we were leaving, wanting all the world to know how clean she is.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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