NFL Has New Policy Against Cannabis Use

Written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

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The NFL is now extensively testing players before football games for marijuana usage. This is a recent policy change.

National Footbal League Commissioner Roger Goodell gave an explanation. "The problem with Cannabis is that it is a 'peace" inducing' drug. It reduces violence and aggressive behavior among players."

Goodell went on to explain that football is "sublimated war" where the NFL expects one-third of participants to suffer permanent brain damage. "But after recent rules protecting the quarterback, making it illegal for offensive or defensive players to lower the crown of their helmet outside the tackle box, etcon has reduced concussions," said the commissioner.

"Repeated head injuries to to concussions are the mark of a true NFL player. Cutting down on violence in the game of football has reduced the level of noise among fans indicating the approval of brain-crushing hits. Marijauna usage will further sissify the game because reduced aggression and induced relaxation will make the game boring. That will cut down on crowd attendance and TV viewing," concluded Mr. Goodell.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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