Speculation On How Bobsledder Lolo Jones Manages Daily 9000 Calorie Diet Olympic Committee Examining Stance On Athlete Marijuana Use

Funny story written by Tony Bagodonutz

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Olympic officials have been asking themselves if Marijuana should be outright banned for all athletes who plan to participate in the Olympic games, now that it has become more accepted and legal in certain parts of the world.

Speculation has risen surrounding United States Hurdler and Olympic Bobsled hopeful Lolo Jones regarding how she is training for her upcoming competitions.

"9000 Calories a day? Come on. She has to be smoking weed. Nobody her size can have that kind of appetite without toking a little herb," stated Yuri Dipschitt, a spokesperson for the International Olympic Committee.

This situation lends itself to the question as to whether or not there are instances that Marijuana could be seen as a performance enhancing drug.

Many recall the scandal in 2009 when Gold Medalist Swimmer Michael Phelps was seen smoking marijuana at a party, captured via a youtube video.

Dipschitt explained, "As I recall, Michael did receive some disciplinary measures, especially from sponsors. I don't know that in that case Marijuana could be viewed as a performance enhancing drug. I mean have you ever tried to swim stoned? It's fun. Ha ha. It definitely does not enhance swimming performance, though. Wait, what were we talking about?"

Mr. Dipschitt was getting stoned during the interview, and lost track of his conversation for a moment.

"Anyway, in the situation with Ms. Jones, Marijuana could be indirectly seen as a performance enhancement drug, in so much as if she uses it to get the munchies, so that she can eat more, so that she can work out more, so that she can gain muscle mass, so that she can kick ass on a bobsled, then yes, maybe it could be seen as a performance enhancer," Dipschitt went on to say.

Lolo Jones was not available for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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