There were 53 spoof news snippets published in September 2019. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Trump Prohibits Danish Coffee Cake, Great Danes on Hold

In an escalation with Denmark over the sale of Greenland, President Trump has banned Danish coffee cake from the White House cafeteria. Until further notice, Great Dane dogs will be permitted.

written by Amiko Aventurista, 01 September 2019
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Trump Overwhelms House of Representatives With His Impeachable Offenses

Every time the House meets to go over the offenses, by the time they quit, he's committed 100 more!

written by Al N., 01 September 2019
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Bill Cosby Still Waiting for Presidential Pardon

"I can't believe he would leave me in prison just for grabbing some pussy!" said Cosby.

written by Al N., 01 September 2019
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Trump Tweets for the 28th Time That He's Never Heard of a "Category 5" Storm

He was also surprised to find out they have "weather reports", and that he didn't need to tweet the info.

written by Al N., 04 September 2019
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Stranded Alien Signalled The Pope

The Pope called an immediate balcony audience to wave in an alien who had signalled for emergency landing directions. "JP II says Luv U" beamed the aliens using light bursts in Morse Code. "QE tutu".

written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
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New Slug Family Classified - not Recognized

Richard Dawkins, famous Atheist, has refused to recognize a new slug family classification identified by University of Warwick biology researchers, stating their winged shapes make them unfeasible.

written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
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Hair Stylists unite Name New Styles of the Century

Top 5 Style Makers - 2019:
1. Boris Johnson - "Explodo Head".
2. Donald Trump - "Cliff Hanger."
3. Tilda Swinton - "Pippin loves us all."
4. TBA
5. Marilyn Manson "Black is - paint this, bitch."

written by Madame George, 04 September 2019
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Debra Messing Mysteriously Disappears

In other news, Trump and Debra Messing had a Twitter storm fight.

written by Al N., 05 September 2019
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Hasbro Buys Death Row Records

New artists signed to the label include G.I.Joe, Mr. Potato Head, Power Rangers and My Little Pony.

written by Al N., 05 September 2019
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Trump and VP Pence Not Getting Along Since Pence Stayed at Trump Hotel in Ireland

Pence complain!ed about no hot water, bad food, and rude staff, and gave it only one star on Yelp!

written by Al N., 06 September 2019
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Trump Wants to Build a Wall Around Alabama

"I've used my Sharpie to indicate where the wall should go to protect Alabama from hurricanes."

written by Al N., 07 September 2019
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Presidential Candidate Dies

Due to the death of a prominent presidential candidate, there is some speculation that the recently deceased man may have to drop out of the race.

written by Gene Morrison, 07 September 2019
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Sharpie Stock Price Soar after Trump Uses One to Move a Hurricane

With one simple stoke of a sharpie President Trump moved the trajectory of hurricane Dorian to the delight of Alabama residents, and the price of Sharpie stock to the pleasure of its shareholders!

written by Amiko Aventurista, 08 September 2019
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Trump Has Renamed the White House the "Donald Trump Towers White House"

This will give the U.S. more global recognition than just plain old dumb 'White House'" said Trump.

written by Al N., 12 September 2019
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Trump Invites Taliban and Al Qaeda to White House for Special Ceremony

It was the release of the "Trump Highlights Reel," which Trump hopes will bring peace to the world.

written by Al N., 12 September 2019
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Trump's Alexa Starts World War III

Trump was in the bathroom and yelled out "Launch Missile!!"

written by Al N., 13 September 2019
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DUP to Join 18h Century

Arlene Foster to be publicly burnt as a heretic witch, say leaders. Willing to move forward at least 100 years promise "to be tested by denouncing witchcraft and folk remedies".

written by Doubting Thomas, 14 September 2019
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Trump Bans Harry Maguire From All U.S. Media

"Enough is enough! This guy's getting more coverage than I am! How disrespectful!" Trump tweeted.

written by Al N., 14 September 2019
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Only One Democrat Would Lose to Trump if the Election Were Held Today!

And Hillary would come a lot closer this time!

written by Al N., 14 September 2019
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Jerry Falwell Sr. Spinning in His Grave is New Energy Source

In other news, Falwell, Jr. has been kicked out of the Moral Majority.

written by Al N., 17 September 2019
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Trump Sees the Joker Movie and Wants to Appoint Him to His Cabinet

He mentions that they can share makeup tips.

written by Al N., 17 September 2019
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Study Reveals: 94% of Americans Believe Everything They Read Online

See!

written by SamIAm, 19 September 2019
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President Trump to Ramp-Up His War on Reality

Ecstatic supporters chanted, "Lock the truth up!"

written by C/L, 19 September 2019
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Trump Announces His Wall Will Be Hot Enough to Fry an Egg On

So his wall is going to be at least 130 degrees? Will Mexico be paying the heating bill?

written by Al N., 20 September 2019
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Trump Advice For Blackface Trudeau

Donald Trump has advised blackface enthusiast Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau that if he's going to do something racist, do it on Twitter. "I do it all the time and nobody notices!" Trump revealed.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 20 September 2019
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Old Photos of Canada PM Justin Trudeau Have Been Discovered of Him in Oriental Costuming and Make-up

Canada is now no longer welcome in China, Japan, Indonesia, both Koreas, and 42 other countries.

written by Al N., 20 September 2019
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10 Out Of Every 8 Americans Struggle With Fractions

There's an epidemic plaguing America: the inability to understand fractions. Researchers estimate that there is a 342% chance that dire consequences will arise.

written by Gene Morrison, 21 September 2019
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The NASDAQ Closes at a Record High Today

Trump's Laughing Stock Inc. is driving the market!

written by C/L, 22 September 2019
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Trump is On the News So Much...

In a recent poll, most Americans admit they would rather watch ads or a blank TV screen than Trump.

written by Al N., 23 September 2019
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Gun Industry Gets Around Bump Stock Ban

They're now reclassified as a sex-toy accessory.

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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Russian Federation Election-Meddling Corporation to Make Public Offering

"We're no longer limited to just exporting violence and gas."

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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Putin's Post Rigged-American-Election Plans

"To finally declare the US as a proper Russian colony".

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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US Hopeful of a Return to Democracy after 2020 Election

American voters gearing up to dissolve Trump Dictatorship in 2020 Presidential Election.

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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President Trump Refuses to Leave His Bedroom

Trump's entire hairpiece collection discovered to have been stolen.

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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President Trump Creates New Ethnic Classification On Census Form

Trump will now check off box next to the ethnic category titled 'Orange'.

written by C/L, 23 September 2019
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Vice-President Pence Has Air Force Two Land on Michigan's Mackinac Island

The Mackinac Island Council has set a bounty on Pence since even autos aren't allowed on the island.

written by Al N., 24 September 2019
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Trump's Putting His Faith in Christian Voters

"I've been telling them that I'll launder all of their god's money for a second term in office."

written by C/L, 24 September 2019
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Evangelicals Worried that God Might be Rational

"No new books in the bible clearly indicate that God is embracing science now".

written by C/L, 24 September 2019
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Major Soft Drink Brand to Market New Enema Product

Their tag line, "A Coca-Colon enema helps the rectal go down, in the most delightful way".

written by C/L, 24 September 2019
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Trump Will Station Troops In Ireland in Attempt to Get Denmark to Sell Greenland to the U.S.

While in Ireland the troops will all stay at Trumps Irish Resort.

written by Al N., 24 September 2019
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Trump Has Mortgaged the White House in Order to Get Money for the Wall

He is still negotiating with a few banks about a loan on Camp David.

written by Al N., 24 September 2019
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The International Association of Umpa Lumpas Petition Trump

"Stop wearing orange-face, immediately"!

written by C/L, 25 September 2019
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Trump Doesn't Think the U.S. Should Help Stop the Amazon Fire

"Jeff Bezos has all that money. He should get some new firefighting equipment from Amazon Prime."

written by Al N., 25 September 2019
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Trump Asks President of Albania to Investigate Elizabeth Warren's Cousins

He has also asked the President of Georgia to "get some dirt' on Bernie Sander's housekeeper.

written by Al N., 25 September 2019
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Trump Says He Didn't Realize He Was Talking to the President of the Ukraine or He Would Have Handled it Differently

"I got mixed up and thought I was talking to Uruguay, who all the countries push around" said Trump.

written by Al N., 27 September 2019
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Trump is Taking Immigrants Out of Their Cages and Putting Them to Work in His Hotels

"It is purely voluntary and some of them might advance to working outside on the golf course!"

written by Al N., 27 September 2019
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Attorney General Barr Okays New Trump Executive Order to Waterboard Whistle-Blowers

Waterboarding is for a 1st offense-for a 2nd offense they have to listen to hours of Trump speeches.

written by Al N., 27 September 2019
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Spain Has Removed Former Dictator Francisco Franco From His Mausoleum to a "Normal Grave"

He is actually being re-interred in the rear parking lot of a Spanish shopping center.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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Brett Kavanaugh is Glad That Impeachment Proceedings Have Made People Forget the New Accusations About Him

However, as soon as Kavanaugh gave the speech, everyone remembered again. His hearings start Monday.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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Trump Announces the Census Will Only Count Republicans

He also announced that if you aren't counted in the census, you can't vote in the 2020 election.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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Democrats Have Started Impeachment Proceedings to Protect Hunter Biden

They are worried that the former Vice-President's son is too close to, ironically, vice.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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Trump Has Bus Parked on White House Lawn

"Since I'll be throwing a lot of people under the bus, I might as well have it close by" said Trump.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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Melania Trump's Home Country Slovenia Won't Take Her Back

They don't want Donald to come there looking for her.

written by Al N., 29 September 2019
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