There were 84 spoof news snippets published in October 2019. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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FDA Issues New Health Warning about Drinking Gasoline

Trump supporters should cut back to one 8oz. glass of 89 proof octane per day.

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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President Trump Reveals that He is The Joker

"I use orange make-up to make my hideous clown face look more normal!"

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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Make the Old Testament Great Again

Evangelicals prefer Old God's wrath and ignorance over Christ's "hippy-dippy" messaging.

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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Patriotic Americans to Boycott Turkeys this Thanksgiving

Showing solidarity with the betrayed Kurds.

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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Studies Prove that MAGA Hats Severely Decrease Emotional Quotients

Trump supporters responded with "Lock them up, lock them up"!

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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Trump Hails the United States Constitution as a Great Work of Fiction

He views the piece on a par with today's Harry Potter series.

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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White House Leaks State that Trump is Locked in His Bedroom

Insiders say that Trump is ranting about all of existence being fake.

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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Mystery over Mike Pence's Pained Expression Revealed

Sources claim that Pence feels "sodomized by facts", thus explaining VP's perpetual, anal-grimace.

written by C/L, 20 October 2019
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Cher wants to invade Syria

Singer Cher has threatened to invade Syria with her voice and everybody has been startled by her threat. Turkish Prez Erdogan has closed his border in line with Cher's seemingly mad intention.

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Prez Kim to conquer Paris

North Korean President Kim Jong Ung has announced he will climb the Eiffel Tower in Paris but with a small difference. He will do so on his hands just to show the cynics what he is made of. Yeay Kim!

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Missing Flight Pilot Reappears!

The pilot of missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has shown up at a Cher concert as a backing singer on her hit song If I Could Turn Back Time. He quickly absconded the venue at conclusion of song.

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Cher has something to say

American performer Cher has released a statement today denying all knowledge of a statement she made twenty years ago that denied she made any logical statements ever in her illustrious career. Gosh!

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Chinese meets American

An American farmer has discovered a Chinese man hiding in his wheat paddock. Apparently the oriental individual was seen tunnelling from under the soil leading people to think he started in China.

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Third Leg For Former Aussie PM

Former Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he will have an operation to attach a third leg to his body."God knows I need one" he claimed after watching Jake the Peg video.

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Swift to be new president of Kazakhstan

American singer Taylor Swift is planning to run for public office. She wants to be President of Kazakhstan. Only God and some dim witted adviser know why she is doing this. Swift is sick of singing.

written by whatinthe world, 21 October 2019
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Henson Studios Makes a Dark Confession

Vladimir Putin is really an evil Muppet.

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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President Trump to be Awarded the Order of Lenin

For money-laundering, corruption, and treason against the United States of America.

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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Woman Thrown Out of Public Swimming Pool

For bringing her emotional support octopus in the water with her.

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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The NRA Journal of Medicine Concludes

There is no conclusive evidence of gunshot wounds being harmful or fatal.

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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President Trump Makes Desperate Call to President Erdogan

"Can you pull your troops back to the starting line? I would like a do-over!"

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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Fatal Vegas Shooting Blamed on Toddler Flashcards

Man shoots fellow player for having a yellow-duckling card up his sleeve.

written by C/L, 21 October 2019
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President Trump Opens Up about Collusion with Russia

With the Mueller report neutralized, Trump speaks candidly about his collusion with Russia to Fox News.

written by C/L, 22 October 2019
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Malawian Leader Forces Citizens to Watch Him Eat Live on TV; Smacks Lips Profusely.

A Malawian leader has recently come under fire. He recently forced all of his citizens to watch him eat dinner. The problem arose when he started smacking his lips loudly chewing a "Malawi Steak".

written by Jahknee Turkle, 22 October 2019
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Skip Recap

My good friend, Skip Recap, is going to change his name.

He says he feels like he’s missing out on too much.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 22 October 2019
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Kim running for Presidency

Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for President of Armenia. The cosmetically-enhanced individual wants to be an all-powerful head of state, and to outlaw freedom of speech. Give it your best, Kim!

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Kim wants the North Korean Presidency

Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for the Presidency of North Korea. However, no one has had the heart to tell her that such an attempt is impossible given its present totalitarian state.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Kim running for Cuba

Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for the Presidency of Cuba. Once someone tells her about the history of this communist state she might have second thoughts. Pull the other one, Kim!!

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Kim fed up with candidacy

After concurrently announcing running for Presidents of North Korea, Cuba and Armenia, Kim Kardashian has withdrawn her candidacy on health grounds. Insanity is a problem in her family, one supposes.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Trudeau back as PM

Justin Trudeau has just been returned as Prime Minister of Canada. Now he wants to introduce permanent laws banning blackface impersonators from performing in public. Guess he learnt his lesson.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Trudeau banning black

Justin Trudeau, recently reelected as Canada's PM, wants to introduce laws banning all black animals from appearing in public lest the citizens feel insulted by their brazened behaviour. Great Scott!

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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ISS in new laughing record

Astronauts on the International Space Station have broken the world record for the longest time laughing in one moment. Apparently, a Russian laughed for 237-and-a-half minutes after telling a joke.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Minogue's new gender

Pop diva Kylie Minogue has refuted claims that she is a female, and says she identifies as "a spirit dweller of the Amazons". Minogue once even claimed to be the reincarnation of Elvis but then relented.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Ed and the preacher

Singer Ed Sheeran has declared himself to be the second coming of Elvis Presley. When questioned by a Church of England rector if he was confusing identities, Ed ran for the nearest heart break hotel.

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Tiger's warning to kids

Golfer Tiger Woods says that children collecting all his stray golf shots will be punished in eternity by being made to watch all seven of his major wins. You have been told, Charlie Brown!

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Trump has had enough

President Trump today confused the word "fuck" with truck when he said that he had had enough of the impeachment inquiry, and wanted to "truck off for a while to the Florida everglades". What the truck!!

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Camels are to blame

Camels are being held responsible for climate change affecting global temperatures. Camels emit methane every time they chow down on a Big Mac or cheeseburger. They could be banned from Maccas, yes?

written by whatinthe world, 23 October 2019
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Trump and Brando

President Trump has appointed former actor Marlon Brando as a charity ambassador for UNESCO. When told that Brando is no longer alive, Trump replied "Dohl!!!". Next question Mister President.

written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2019
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Beyonce is the lady

Pop performer, Beyoncé, says that Jay Zee has nothing on her charisma and popular appeal. "I'm the lady, know what I mean?" she maintained amid rumours that her fiancé wants to leave the relationship.

written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2019
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Lacrosse not such a friendly game

Captain of the Uruguay lacrosse team has been kidnapped by fans sympathetic to the Ecuador lacrosse team who were beaten following a friendly between the two countries on Saturday. What for guys?

written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2019
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Court martial for Roy

Sergeant Roy Bottletop, of the Royal Blackwatch, has been court-martialled for impersonating Theresa May, former UK PM, at a "do" attended by the Queen. No one was impressed by his shrill voice.

written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2019
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Adult Coloring Books to Blame for Trump Presidency

If real adults weren't busy coloring, then infantile adults would never have been able to elect Trump.

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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Private Spying Firm Black Rectangle Publishes New 'How to' Guide

'How to Manipulate and Intimidate Victims of Powerful Hollywood Predators into Silence'.

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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New Gun Study Findings

Gun owners would give them up if they couldn't potentially harm or kill someone with them.

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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Putin Promises Trump Help in the 2020 Presidential Elections

After he is finished carving up Syria with Ergodan, Assad, ISIS, and the Iranians.

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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Trump Confuses Marx with Fast Food Mogul

Ukrainian President Zelensky explained that "Marx was a political philosopher, not a "German Colonel Sanders".

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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More Red States Expected to Pass Stand Your Ground Laws

To give Nationalists an excuse to shoot people they don't like.

written by C/L, 24 October 2019
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National Premature Ejaculation Day Cancelled

National Premature Ejaculation Day, scheduled to be observed October 25, has been cancelled because, unfortunately, it came a day early again this year.

written by P.J. Maggitti, 25 October 2019
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Rudy Guiliani's Butt Dial Means Trouble for Trump

It may be the first time that butt-dialing lands Trump in jail instead of a porn star's bed.

written by C/L, 26 October 2019
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God flushes toilet

...then has to get out plunger and flush a couple more times.

written by pinkwalrus, 27 October 2019
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Fischer Price Discontinues Baby's First Hooka Toy

White Nationalist parents complained that the toy is too "middle-eastern".

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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SNL Continues to Keep Intelligent People in Stitches Over Trump Presidency

Meanwhile humorless Nationalists continue to fume!

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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All Purpose Flour to be Banned from Certain Colleges

Politically correct militants complain that the "white flour" threatens their safe spaces on campus.

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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Mr. Clean's Skinhead Image to Be Cleaned Up

Famous mascot will now be non-binary with an ethnically-ambiguous light-tan.

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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Trump Campaign to Market Lock Her Up Dashboard Figurine

Bobble-head Hillary Clinton comes complete with her own toy cage.

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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Trump Mistakes Chaplin Films for Hitler's Hipster Days

Trump confuses Chaplin movies for documentaries about Hitler's transformation from misguided hipster, into a famous Nazi puke.

written by C/L, 27 October 2019
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Trump loses dog

Donald Trump's pet dog, Terminator, has been stolen by a gang of Ukrainian terrorists who climbed over the White House fence and made off with the pooch. Reports suggest they are now in the dog house.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Lohan the man

Actor/performer Linsey Lohan has announced she will have a sex change and revert to the "true masculine" side of her personality. "I'm a bloke goddamn!" she insisted while punching out her trainer.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Bomber caught in Vegas

Las Vegas Police have arrested a man who tried to blow up the MGM Grand casino. The individual was carrying a candle attached to a cheap firework but was spotted just in time by a geriatric gambler.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Parrot runs for high office

A speaking parrot has announced it is running for the US presidency next year. It will run as an independent because it values its freedom and willingness to squeal at the right time.
Not surprised!

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Cher taking on Everest

Performer Cher is planning to climb Mount Everest where she will sing in the highest concert performance in history. Lets hope she stays up there for some considerable time said the Daily News.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Mont Blanc ready for Boris

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson will ski down the slopes of Mont Blanc if he gets his Brexit plan through parliament. He has never skied any where before, so Boris has a huge challenge ahead of him.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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One-legged thief

Swedish authorities have arrested a man with one leg who tried to rob a department store of its window dummy. The man claimed he needed someone to restore his other leg so this was the easiest option.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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Miley admits the obvious

Performer Miley Cyrus says she doesn't like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because they cause her to sing out of tune. This is ironic as she always sings out of tune according to her ex-manager.

written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2019
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U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham Encouraged to Come Out of the Closet

His angry Nationalist act isn't fooling anyone.

written by C/L, 28 October 2019
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Man Bitten on Penis by Neighbors' Dog

Dog thought man was feeding him a sausage treat.

written by C/L, 31 October 2019
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The Trump Family Appear to Be Consolidating All Their Wealth and Possessions and Moving to Their Castle in Spain

Rudy Giuliani insists that it's just a coincidence, and has nothing to do with the impeachment probe.

written by Al N., 01 October 2019
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Trump So Upset With Whistleblower, He Forbids Whistling Inside White House...

...staff now forced to just hum songs by Drake, Beyonce, and Boxcar Willie.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 01 October 2019
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"I'm still thinking . . . ."

Call me paranoid, and maybe I’ve read too much sci fi over the years, but when I make a request for Siri, and she responds with “Wait a minute. I’m still thinking . . . ," I get worried.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 October 2019
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In Small Town News...

...Grandpa needs new socks.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 04 October 2019
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Iranian Women May Now Attend Football Games

However, they must remain blindfolded and accompanied by a male family member who will give a play-by-play description of the action.

written by Amiko Aventurista, 10 October 2019
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Guitarist Arrested for Assault

After smashing her air-guitar over a heckler's head.

written by C/L, 07 October 2019
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MIT Robotics Lab Researchers Heartbroken

When robot is arrested for becoming an opioid vending machine.

written by C/L, 08 October 2019
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TESLA soliciting FART sounds for S3 updates

TESLA wants your fart sounds! CEO Elon Musk invited all potential famous farts to submit their "inner sounds" online for "The S3 Good Thing" car farts contest. What a Classical Gas! Is it YOUR fart?

written by Madame George, 08 October 2019
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"Mar-a-Lago not injury directive" - Lego Rep.

In a confused statement, Lego toys denied any involvement with an outbreak of broken legs among rugby players, and strongly denounces any misuse of their toys for any reason - especially spelling.

written by Madame George, 08 October 2019
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Trump Replaces Constitution

With original copy of Art of the Deal, in the Capitol Rotunda.

written by C/L, 10 October 2019
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Cherokees Invade Georgia with Trump's approval

In a phone call to the head of the Cherokee Federation, Donald Trump gave a thumbs up to the long-anticipated Cherokee invasion of Georgia. "The Georgians weren't on our side in the Civil War."

written by Ralph E. Shaffer, 10 October 2019
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Trump to Charge the American People Rent

"I'm the Landlord and Chief. You all owe me!"

written by C/L, 10 October 2019
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In Small Town News...

...Mr. Emmet Throckmorton bought some nice brown shoe laces that were on sale. Good for you, sir!

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 11 October 2019
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San Francisco police unsure of what to do over new vape flavor

A man was caught illegally vaping flavored vape juice in San Francisco. He told cops that he was a recovering homosexual and that his semen and feces flavored vape was therapeutic. Cops let him go.

written by Purple Girl, 13 October 2019
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Trump Unveils New Line of Golf Equipment

'Quid Pro Quo Clubs' expected to be a big hit with authoritarian golfers.

written by C/L, 16 October 2019
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Cadbury's Chocolate Egg Stork Diaper Gift Candy Discontinued

Hershey spokeswoman says, "The baby shower candy is too on the nose".

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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Netflix Original Series Premier of The Oligarch Couple

A new show starring Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman in Federal prison.

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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Yoga Practitioner Fined in Central Park Defecation Incident

After performing 'Squatting-Dog' pose, and refusing a police order to pick up the resulting excrement.

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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Mitch McConnell Releases New Book Entitled My Life as a Turtle Man

Chronicling his heartbreaking rise to power as a corrupt southern mutant-turtle.

written by C/L, 19 October 2019
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