A Pub Miracle
Drunk runs out of bathroom of London pub yelling that a miracle had just happened and that he's just witnessed wine turning into water.
North Yorkshire Carries out Nuclear Tests
According to a BBC presenter on '5 live', North Yorkshire have carried out illegal nuclear tests. Meanwhile, North Korea are holding 'Flat Cap Throwing Contests' and 'Whippet races'.
The Queen Will Not Be Attending the D-Day Anniversary Events
Her Majesty the Queen will not be attending the D-Day anniversary in Normandy because at that time, the brave men were fighting for KING and country.
Bluebelle's Ass-Flavored Ice Cream For Dogs
Bluebelle Ice Cream introduces Ass-Flavored Ice Cream for your doggie. The next time Bowzer sits and looks at you eating ice cream, go to the fridge & get some Bluebelle Ass Cream.
Eminem - The Candy Man
White rapper Eminem has informed MTV that Mars Incorporated has offered him $1 million to legally change his name from Eminem to M & M.
Michael "Madam Nosey" Jackson Owes $400 Million
Michael Jackson reveals that he is over $400 million in debt. He states that he would like to receive a $400 million bailout from the U.S. government pretty please.
The Two American Idol David's
Last year's American Idol runnerup, David Archuleta has decided to change his somewhat hard to pronounce last name. He has decided to change it to Cook...David Cook.
Rice field murder
A suspect was arrested recently for attacking a man in a rice field with a small ceramic figurine. It's the first case on record of a knick-knack paddy whack.
Hollywood In Trouble?
Hollywood and Bollywood on verge of collapse as the "Support Actors Guild" threaten to go on a worldwide strike.
Joe Is Welcomed
The Daughters of the Plumbers Group For Nixon has officially named Joe The Plumber as 2008 Plumber of the Year!
Million Man Stagger
One million alcoholic bums are planning to stage a Stagger in Washington DC in July over losing their alley and under-the-bridge homes to new homeless people.
The Mexican government, whose people depend heavily upon corn for their food, has announced that they have discovered how to change ethanol into corn.
Tipper: We've Reached Tipping Point
Tipper Gore: We have reached the tipping point of obese Americans, including my husband who is being placed on a diet. Else, not only are the seas rising, the American continent is sinking.
Miss California Is Moving Out of The U.S.
Miss California Carrie Prejean says she is so frustrated with all the hoopla concerning her 'store bought' boobs, that she is planning to leave the country. The blonde has decided to move to Maine.
Phil Spector - Mr. Wall of Sound (#5839028)
Phil Spector is sentenced to 19 years in Prison. His lawyer said oh well it looks like old Philly will be going from The Wall of Sound to The Wall of Steel.
Will The Real American Bar Association Please Sit Down
The American Bar Association (law) has decided to change its name to avoid confusion with the other American Bar Association (beer). Their new name will be The American Gift of Gab Association.
New Budget Flight
A new US airlines plans to charge fliers only $10, provided they fly on a Monday night between 8 & 10 PM, sit in someone's lap and fly between Duluth & Cleveland.
Motel Rules Ignored!
Couple thrown off motorcycle after hitting mattress. "I told those people that they could not take that Harley up to their room", says motel manager.
"She's Was Always Quiet"
Cops: California woman crushed to death by 400-pound romantic husband with rose between his teeth.
Well, They Did It Again
Arkansas launches manhunt for escaped murderers who ran away from work party out on snipe hunt.
South Korea Blasts Away
South Korea has blasted North Korea over nuclear blasts, blasted missiles fired into the blasted ocean.
Crossings Getting Really Strict
Passports Soon Required at Mexico, Canada Borders! You'll need to show photo of yourself in white collar if a priest, your butt crack if you're a plumber.
"Jon and Kate Plus 8" Kate's New Reality Show
With talks of a possible divorce looming, the reality show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" may soon become "Kate Plus 8 Plus Her Week-End Dates."
MP spends own money - shock
Andrew Farquharson-Brown, MP for Wanton Buttocks(South)admitted yesterday that he had actually paid for something with his own money."I am very sorry for having let the side down" He said snivellingly
written by Ricardo Fromage, 31 May 2009
Here Are Your Pork Chops And Your Pills
The owner of a butcher shop in Brooklyn was arrested for selling his customers placebo pills which he was passing off as anti-swine flu pills.
The Gas Station Prices Are Going Up, Up, and Away
With the price of gasoline at the gas pumps starting to increase some gas stations will be changing to a gas station/bank format.
Jay Leno's Chin Factor
An NBC insider revealed that the real reason that Jay Leno left the Tonight Show was because his gigantic chin was starting to hurt too much.
McKenna Wins, Loses
Free at last: Actress Virginia McKenna wins her 15-year battle to rescue leopards, immediately torn to shreds.
Spain Grabs British Waters
Gibraltar ambush: Spain grabs miles of British waters to carry out 'environmental protection'. Sir Francis Drake said to be on the way.
Great Carbon Credit Con!
The great carbon credit con: Why are we paying the Third World to poison its environment? Most decide: Because of that ass, Al Gore!
800 Awaiting Dignitas
Nearly 800 Britons on waiting list for controversial Swiss suicide clinic Dignitas. Many apparently now afraid they'll die before reaching the top of the list.
Sports Reporter Having Sport
The Today programme broadcasts radio silence thanks to errant sports reporter who was apparently having sport with new wife who had just walked into studio.
Woman Appeals Case
Mother deemed 'too stupid' to care for her daughter to appeal her case to the "Head Rabbit".
"Till" Almost Emptied
'Fingers in the till' Darling must go, says furious Vince Cable. "Cookie Jar just about emptied!"
MP Apologizes For Low Church Donation.
A Labour MP who used his expenses to claim for a £5 donation he made at a church service to commemorate the Battle of Britain has apologised. Meant to contribute more from expense account.
Labour Below Roundheads
Brown says he will not go despite Labour falling behind that of the Roundheads party for first time in over a century.
Russia Angry Over Drills
A month of NATO exercises in Georgia are coming to an end amid continuing Russian anger over the drills, final day group mooning of their troops.
Elderly Women Selling Cocaine
Police in Chile have arrested two elderly women after finding a stash of cocaine and cash in their house. Expected to draw 2 years-life sentence.
Bomb On Board!
A homemade bomb discovered in bathroom set to blow the crap out of an Iranian plane, has been defused, semi-official news agencies report.
Saberi Returns To Fargo
Iranian-American journalist Roxana Saberi has arrived in her hometown of Fargo, North Dakota two weeks after being freed from an Iranian jail. Stops to lay flowers at feet of John Bunyan statue.
Chavez Off TV For Nose Job
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has canceled an edition of his TV show, Alo Presidente, after nose grows another six-inches longer.
Hurricanes Could Expose Consumers
Anticipated hurricanes leaving consumers exposed as 150 MPH winds could blow the clothes right off a person.
UK Lawmaker's Should Not Decide Certain Matters
Study: UK Lawmakers should not decide their own salaries, free vacations, female, male escorts, new cars, proper taxes to ignore.
Boyle On Cowell's Ass
She may not have won, but unlikely singing star Susan Boyle showed she could face the music but hurled shoe at Cowell!
Powerful New Laser Revealed
A US weapons lab on Friday pulled back the curtain on a super laser with the power to burn as hot as a star. Right through red tape, political bullshit!
Tough New Rules By Border Guards
New ID rules begin June 1 for Mexico, Canada trips as one must prove they are a US citizen by birth certificate, sex examination.
Verizon Sues NBC and Viagra
Verizon has filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against NBC and Viagra for using their advertising slogan. Viagra commercials run in major NBC markets expounded "This is Viagra, This is Big."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 May 2009