Are you good at quickly packing Moroccan dates into small packets to conceal the stuff? Call Mustapha 085002 478392084
written by Midgetgems, 17 May 2009
Bald and Ugly?
Let us turn things around for you. Log on to uglyandbald.web
written by Midgetgems, 17 May 2009
Duke Of Edinburgh's Award 2009
For the fifty-third year running the Duke Of Edinburgh's Award has been won by Prince Philip
written by Seamus Nottrew, 17 May 2009
Gentleman Spotted in India
Along with a spotted deer and a spotted cat.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 17 May 2009
The Economic Crisis Hits The Vatican
The Vatican reports that due to the economic crisis it will be laying off 17 of the 58 cardinals.
Windows 7 By Any Other Name
Microsoft in order to capture more of the Las Vegas market will be marketing their new Windows 7 in Nevada as Windows 7-11.
The North Korea/South Korea Misslie News
South Korea says that they have now developed a missile. They say that they plan to test it out by shooting down the next missile that North Korea launches.
Greenland's Navy Is Sailing Away
Greenland has decided to disband her navy. The three canoes and rowboat will be placed on eBay.
Malia & Sasha's South American Gifts
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez in a gesture of goodwill has given the 'First Kiddoes' Malia and Sasha 50 barrels of Venezuelan oil each.
The makers of Uncle Ben's Converted Rice will soon be manufacturing a new product line called Condoleezza Rice.
Illegal Immigrant Hired
Illegal immigrant hired to write new Spoof Snippet for lazy-assed Bureau!
Cindy McCain On Facebook!
Cindy McCain's entry on Facebook: "John has had his bath, new pajamas put on him and is now fast asleep."
Bulimic Stripper In A Hurry
Bulimic stripper jumps out of REALLY hollowed-out cake at bachelor party and makes a dash for the bathroom!
Everythings On EBay
Scientist that found the cure for the common cold to auction off findings on eBay next month.
Its Condition Is Improving
Auto dealer who told you last week that your trade-in used car was "a piece of junk", tells your brother this week that it's a "nice little fixer-upper"!
Mickey D's Employee Cracks
McDonald's employee finally cracks up and drops heated pie down front of customer's drawers, deep-fries his boss's ears.
New David Blaine Stunt
Magician David Blaine to do complete autopsy while being blindfolded and judged by professionals on ABC in July.
New Bear Trap Charity Started
Hollywood Star to begin a hidden bear trap charity after his son squats on bear trap in bushes during recent Boy Scout outing.
Havoc At Dennys
Big breasted waitress and misspelled "Super Tater Tits" on the menu creates havoc at local Denny's Restaurant!
Must Be Prudent
The increasing prices of gasoline, groceries and medication is leading many to do their shoplifting more carefully.
Trump Gets It
Donald Trump tells officer on the first floor that this morning's cold water balloon outside the Tower was a wake-up call!
She's Still Got It!
Twenty years later, former Miss America says she would still like for the whole world to be at peace, have plenty to eat, with lots of daisies and daffodils.
Mrs O'Leary's Cow Innocent
According to newly revealed Gitmo records, detainee admitted to starting the 1871 Great Chicago Fire! Regrets that an innocent, Mrs O'Leary's cow, Beatrice, was hung.
Raddison's Free Breakfast
The Raddison Hotel says that business has been up during the past few months and that they plan to open a new Raddison near Keystone, Colorado with a free Continental Divide Breakfast.
You Want Clams With That?
McDonald's has opened up it's first swim-through restaurant in Nassau, Bahamas.
"Imagine" Almost Like A Religion
Imagine that ... cathedral bells in Liverpool play Lennon's anti-religion hit. "The song has become almost like a religion to John's fans", says bystander.
MP's Secret Revealed
Revealed: The thousands of pounds claimed by MPs who wanted to keep expenses secret. They invested it with Bernie Madoff.
Queen Deeply Troubled, Pissed
The Queen tells Gordon Brown she is 'deeply troubled' over MPs' expenses. "Begone with the lot of them!"
Kid Still Neglected
The mother of neglected kid's ghost ignores her again as she stays busy scaring the crap out of the rest of her family.
Barrack Obama To Take The American Army Out Of Iraq
No one really gives a shit that there's a war anymore
written by John Dorian, 17 May 2009
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's acts toward Socialist State
Bilingual education repealed, political correctness ends, and 2 million illegal aliens are deported to Mexico in first week (most sneak into California).
Google releases statistics on internet searches for anti-gay marriage Miss California
More women in San Francisco searched the internet for her naked pictures than men.
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's goal of Socialist State
The new country will have the world's third largest natural gas reserves, after Alaska and Rosie O'Donnell's behind.
Tom Hanks comes out against Miss California's anti gay marriage stand
"Well, sure she's got a nice rack, but those boobs are just un-American!"
Miss California, the opponent of gay marriage, comments on nude photos
"I don't want any of you dikey lesbians looking at my titty pictures on the internet because they are just for horny boys and men!"
Race Relations Worsen As Tyres Are Sabotaged
A cycle race in Scotland has been sabotaged by locals who placed nails on the route. Hundreds of competitors suffered punctures, however, nobody was hurt and they were not accused 'tacks evasion'.
written by IN SEINE, 17 May 2009
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's attempt at Socialist State
Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, Arkansas, the Dakotas, Wyoming, Idaho, Arkansas, Kansas, Missouri, Montana, and Alaska all want to come to the party too.
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's dream of Socialist State
Obama tries to mobilize military to stop secession, but most of them have emigrated and moved to Fort Bliss or Fort Hood.
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's wanting Socialist state
Oprah sued again when she responds by saying "I knew that they were just a bunch of mad cows down there!"
Texas to leave United States due to Obama's desire for Socialist State
Will they change the name of the amusement park to "Seven Flags over Texas"?
Texas to leave United States Due to Obama's creation of Socialist state
OPEC invites Texas to join since they will now be a huge exporter of foreign oil to the U.S.
Texas to leave United States due to Obama seeking Socialist State
Comrade Barack asks "Will this mean the Cowboys aren't America's team anymore?"
Never Pay For Hospital Enemas
If you have to go to the hospital and your HMO doesn't cover enemas, just have them bring your bill early. That'll scare the shit right out of you.
Free Viagra For Hard Times
The Bayer Aspirin has agreed to give away free Viagra pills to the nation's older people during these present hard times.
Production Of Hops, Jumps
The United States Secretary of Agriculture has reported a big jump in the production of hops.
Shoes Are Flying
Heavily shoed man, getting hit several times, makes case once again for those with fear of public speaking
Taliban At Epcot Center
Disney World has new Taliban section opened at Epcot Center for those who want their asses publicly whipped.
Global Economy Down
Global economy once again down in 2009 first quarter as sales of globes at 50-year low.
Elders Need More Sun
Spending more time in the sun could help older people cut their risk of heart disease and diabetes say experts as nude sunbathing areas to be provided at retirement homes.
Female First To Win
In Baltimore yesterday it was girl power as filly Rachel Alexandra makes history by being the first filly to win the Prickness!
Lithuania Electing New President
People in Lithuania are voting for a new president amid widespread concern about the economic downturn. Thus far Grybauskaite leads 5 votes to 2.
Obama Bans Huntsman
US President Barack Obama has named the Republican Governor of Utah, Jon Huntsman, as ambassador to China. Huntsman, who many believe may run against Obama in 2012, also had his U.S. Visa revoked.
Mexico Border Wars
President Obama, Mexican President agree that border wars over cocaine must be snorted out.
Counter Counter Intelligence
An armed gang disguised as police has broken into a jail in northern Mexico and freed more than 50 prisoners, who were actually police dressed as prisoners!
In A Terrible State
Israel Prime Minister 'may back two states', State of Confusion and State of Emergency!
Obama Escapes From Mother-In-Law Again
US President Barack Obama is to make a week-long foreign tour in July that will include Russia, Italy, Shangri La, Atlantis and Ghana, the White House says.
Somali Militants Capture Key Town
Somali militants capture key town as mayor, leading citizens forced to hand over key to the city.