Isn't That Always The Way It Goes?
Meanwhile in Paradise, a young suicide bomber receiving his 72 virgins, is horrified to find that the explosion blew away his family jewels.
One Early Test
Doctor now say that the onset of Alzheimers may be when loved ones suddenly can't remember the Alamo, Pearl Harbor.
A Winning Offer
Nigerians offer to plant ten million trees to offset anyone's carbon footprints for a mere $10,000 up front.
Fooled Us Completely
Aliens in aircraft shaped like weather balloons came in while we slept during the night and have now taken over the earth.
Mars Screwing With Us?
Mars Probe suddenly sending back Scooby-Do cartoons. NASA says someone or something is screwing with us out there. UFO anal probe victims: TELL us about it!"
Picketer Accidentally Shot
Woman picketing doughnut shop because of their still using transfats accidentally shot by three policemen who say they were cleaning their guns when it happened.
Dumb & Dumber
Vice President Joe Biden says former VP Dick Cheney had control of several nuclear missiles because he saw the red buttons. However, "nothing happened when I pushed one, so they must have moved them."
Latest Cold Snap
Latest cold snap blamed on man who completely lost it when he came outside and found windshield frozen, shoots up his whole neighborhood.
The National True News
New grocery market news magazine printed in Nigeria made up mostly of ads promising riches, women and a bigger penis.
Haiti, Dominican Republic Go Nuclear
Haiti today announced that they are sharing a nuclear weapon with the Dominican Republic after one washed ashore from a Soviet submarine.
Britney Lose Again!
The National Enquirer has been caught bailing out Britney, Winehouse and others from rehab over the past few years so they can do better stories.
Cigarette Companies Apparently Lied To Us
A US appeals court has largely upheld a landmark ruling that cigarette makers lied about the health risks of smoking when showing the manly Marboro Man, legs like the woman inside the dancing package.
Piss On It!
Thus far this year, the worst attended section of the Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, Florida is using a machine there to drink your own piss.
Men Give One-Arm Salute To Hero!
Robert Furchgott, a leading US scientist whose work helped lead to the development of the anti-impotency drug Viagra has died. Many men proudly 'saluted' the hearse carrying the body as it drove by.
"Clean" Coal Tester
President Barack Obama shows up unannounced at Tennessee Valley Authority, to give the new "clean" coal the old white-glove test!
27 Award Shows!
Twenty-seven Award Shows to be telecast on one cable network alone in 2008. This week? "The New Country Music Star's Best Pickups, Corn Pickers and Tractors!"
Obama's Titanic Quest
Obama: Can we change the color of the chairs on the deck of the Titanic?
Crowd: Yes we can!!
Drones Patrol Border
US unarmed drone airplanes are now ready to fly along the Mexican/US border. They will be taking photographs of anyone trying to cross the border illegally, to get cheaper Mexican Prescription drugs.
MLB: 2008 Report
Sports Report: During 2008 Major League Baseball season, not only were the balls juiced, but so were most of the player's ass as well.
Parrot Now Knows 1,000 Words
Researchers say that the 950-word parrot can now do 1,000 words, but most are not fit to be put into print.
No Bird Needed
KFC has announced a major breakthrough in it's cloning of chickens. Now just the breasts, drumsticks and wings by themselves can be cloned.
Electric Car Hairdo Of The Future
In test drives of the new General Motors electric car, the 2010 Volt, Car & Driver reports that it has caused drivers, passengers hair to stand on end.
Texas Man Hyper
Texas that has been hyper for the past three months has discovered that the blood pressure medicine he bought in Mexico are Jumpin' Beans.
The Very Well-Endowed Dolly "Yep, They're Paid For" Parton
Playboy Magazine has just named singer Dolly Parton as its "Country Music Trio of The Year."
Jeff Foxworthy & Tatiana Del Toro
CNN is reporting that American Idol's Tatiana Del Toro, The Puerto Rican Singing Drama Queen has taken up Jeff Foxworthy's offer of teaching her English.
Mr. and Mrs. Sean Penn (Robin) - The Reality Show?
Sean Penn and wife Robin separate. Sean Penn and wife Robin reconcile. Sean Penn and wife Robin separate. Sean Penn and wife Robin reconcile. Sean Penn and wife Robin separate...NEXT!
Clay Aiken & Adam Lambert - Just Two Tough Runners Up
American Idol season 2 runnerup Clay Aiken apologizes to American Idol season 8 runnerup Adam Lambert for calling him feminine. Lambert said that Aiken actually challenged him to a 'purse off.'
Tatiana Del Toro To Marry Ryan Seacrest?
Underdog Shawn Johnson wins "Dancing With The Stars." Underdog Kris Allen wins "American Idol." Wow, it looks like there is still hope for Tatiana Del Toro afterall.
Breakthough Computer Chip
New Japanese computer chip makes people around you in theater look less real than those in the film.
Surest Sign Of Bad Economy Yet
In yet another sign of a bad economy, fast food stores with boxes with "Take A Penny, Give A Penny" to make sales easier say 95% are taking a penny.
Kevorkian Loves New Job
Acquaintances of Dr. Kevorkian say the doctor is doing fine since his release and very much enjoying his job at the animal shelter.
Republicans in congress warn US taxpayers to be prepared for the soon coming Obama tsunami of taxes.
Pirates Ante Up Their Bets
In the latest financial news, the dollar is about to drop from it's AAA rating. If so, most of the world will fix their monetary unit to the dubloon.
Pelosi: CIA Sneaks In Truth
Yesterday during a speech, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said that the CIA misleads us all the time. Those guys mess with your mind by sometimes sneaking in the truth, unlike politicians.
The Torture Debate
President Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney spoke on torture on the same day. Where Obama quit talking for five minutes when his teleprompter went down, Cheney just kept giggling.
Stimulus Not Working
Many wives are complaining that the recent stimulus package is not working at all. "Same old sports crazy, night time headache-prone couch potato."
The BBC announces Junior Apprentice
The BBC is to show a group of youngsters going through their paces with Sir Alan Sugar. Next they plan to show the baby apprentice for the children up to five years old.
written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2009
Ovrebo on Fair Officiating
I made up my mind before leaving Norway that I would give give Chelsea and Barcelona fair officiating - and let Barcelona advance.
written by Anietie Ukpe, 23 May 2009
Really A Mess In There
In Bowling Green, Kentucky yesterday, a man was arrested for sneaking ten shit-throwing monkeys into a theater Thursday night during it's showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show!"
During that bad storm that hit earlier this morning, hail the size of large kidney stones were reported over near city hospital!
"Good Job, Pass It Around!"
The Central Intelligence Agency, using high-tech monitors, say they are hearing more chatter than usual coming from Major League Baseball's infields.
Bread Outlet Loses Its Buns
Day-Old Bread Outlet closed by health department after it began selling day old hamburgers, French fries last month.
Another Deadly Pillow Fight
Pillow fight in Carson City, Nevada turns deadly after three choke to death on inhaled feathered.
Not Always In The Last Place You Look
Local man finally finds his car keys in NEXT to last place he looks, after deciding he may as well complete search in that direction.
Just Like Old Times, Almost
Police raid at the back of closed-down auto dealership, find illegal gambling casino,bathtub of homemade Meth,
Tarred, Feathered Drunk Back
Town drunk that was tarred, feathered and rode out of town on a rail yesterday evening, back and stuck fast to favorite bar stool this afternoon, shedding feathers on the floor.
Experts: Arsenic Milk Bad For You
Rice milk arsenic contamination prompts food watchdog warning for children to stop drinking it. However, older people can use it since they'll probably die soon anyway.
MP's Ask Public For Help
Worst household squeeze since 1955 as wages suffer record fall. MP's say Britons must tighten their belts if we're going to be able to live life of luxury.
So How Was Your Weekend?
Labour MP Mahmood spent £2,575 staying in 'riot of gold, marble and silk' hotel with girlfriend. Claims "girlfriend" only there for forty-five minutes.
"Whole Government Stinks"
MPs' expenses whistleblower: I wanted to expose the system to its rotten core. The whole government stinks of crooks.
First Sextuplets In 25 Years
Six babies in five minutes: Mother's sextuplets are first in UK for 25 years. "I was only 20 years old back then, so this is my last six", says Mum.
NZ Couple In Financial Hole
A New Zealand couple nearly found themselves in a financial hole when their three-year-old daughter bought an earth digger, 10,000 condoms in an internet auction.
Ahmadinejad Begins Rum For Presidency
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has begun the campaign for June's presidential election with a defiant speech against Iran's enemies, beginning with the letter "A" for Australia.
WHO Flu Warnings
WHO chief warns H1N1 swine flu likely to worsen and kill millions, but perhaps not. Who knows? WHO doesn't.
"If You Can't Stand the Heat, Don't Go into the Kitchen!"
A Muslim chef has lost an appeal at a tribunal, claiming that he has to handle pork products in a police canteen. However, the tribunal ruled that he has no case as he already works with pigs.
written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2009