Wallace and Gromit are squatting at the Chelsea flower show
World-famous inventors Wallace and Gromit have been down on their luck recently. The duo are squatting in James May's plasticine garden at the Chelsea flower show and are expecting eviction next week.
Royal hysterian sectiojned!
Hugo Vickers has shat his knickers.
written by queen mudder, 16 May 2009
Policewoman Accused of Having Sex with a Pole While Posing As a Prostitute
A Nottingham policewoman was accused of having sex with a pole today. "This is nonsense, I'm innocent!" She said. The Pole, Josef Kracovitchinski,of Warsaw 'got off'- his evidence wouldn't stand up.
$1 million egg discovered
A Russian fertility clinic has implanted an egg into a childless woman this week. It was found to be no less than a jewel-encrusted egg produced by Carl Faberge at the turn of the century.
MP's Expenses Scandal
It's political incorrectness gone mad!
written by Seamus Nottrew, 16 May 2009
Plastic surgeon sued after patient mix-up leaves guy scared from auto accident with huge boobs.
Myanmar's Burmese People
New study shows that nearly 80 percent of people living in Myanmar think they're still living in Burma.
Hosed Her Down
Local fireman's wife tells judge that her husband forces her to dress up as a CPR dummy before having sex.
Stinking Creek Winner Disqualified
National winner of Stinking Fart contest at Stinking Creek, Tennessee, loses crown after admitting to illegal hemorrhoid use.
Mount Rushmore Could Change
Thousands of Rush Limbaugh fans demand that Limbaugh's face be added to the four already on Mount Rush-More.
Hubble Vision Improved
Restored, even better Hubble Telescope reveals brown ring around Uranus, nuclear missile attached to Chinese communications satellite.
Wrong Mushroom Identification
Scoutmaster and all 22 scouts die trying to fly off East Tennessee mountainside after wild mushroom hunt.
Judges Blown Away By Terrific Recipe
County judges in Lancaster, Pennsylvania blown away by the winner of this year's winning chili recipe.
Read Those Warning Labels
Man who accidentally shot himself in the testicles with a stun gun last week still begging for someone to kill him.
Blow Me Down!
Building of windmills in Tornado Alley for energy idea given up after study reveals they could cause Category 5 Tornado to increase to 500 MPH wind gusts.
Naked Republicans On TV
Photos of naked Republicans in Congress being stacked up and being pointed at by Nancy Pelosi shown on Al-Jazeera TV.
Celebration Out Of Control.
Iran, celebrating it's successful missile launching today by firing rifles into the air, shoot down missile outside Tehran.
Another Nixon Tape Relesed
Newly released President Nixon tape reveals big crash and loud cursing as Gerald Ford apparently fell over Henry Kissinger on floor throwing a fit.
Regis Finally Gone
Lots of old friends and family members gather around as final tribute as Regis finally put to sleep.
McCains In Phoenix
John and Cindy McCain are in Phoenix, Arizona today to help John's son, John Boy, celebrate his 64th birthday.
Fart Claims Two
Alcoholic who drank gasohol, ate chili, killed along with cigarette smoker in elevator explosion that rocks building in Metropolis, Illinois.
Shut Your Piehole Order Issued
An East Tennessee judge has issued a "Shut Your Piehole" order in Knoxville couple's trial.
Judo At Blockbusters
Blockbuster Movie Rental Franchises to add self-defence classes at all Blockbusters, especially Judo.
Time for bad news
Memo to all ministers: This would a perfect time to put out all your 'bad news' press releases?
written by marlowe, 16 May 2009
Flag Business at Half-Staff
Cuts at GM, Chrysler dealerships "devastating" to Giant American Flag industry.
written by Heewack, 16 May 2009
Johnny Depp's Next Swashbuckling Motion Picture
Johnny Depp has signed to star in his next swashbuckling epic. This one is called, The Pittsburgh Pirates vs. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
It's Not Cameron (Dee-Ass) It's Cameron (Dee-Us)
Cameron Diaz has decided to change her Spanish last name, which almost everyone mispronounces as 'Dee-Ass' instead of 'Dee-Us.' Her new last name will be Days.
Indiana Jones Next Movie
Harrison Ford has announced that he will soon begin filming the latest in his Indiana Jones sequels. The film is entitled, Indiana Jones and The Misplaced Stimulus Package.
The Highly Pissed Off Angelina Jolie
Jennifer Aniston has reportedly named her new pet monkey Angelina. An extremely furious Jolie names her pet peeve Jennifer.
The Italian Wine Flu Update
Venice, Italy is reporting that the wine flu outbreak is apparently worse than they had originally believed. Dozens of gondoleers have been arrested for DUI.
Russell Crowe and Joaquin Phoenix
Russell Crowe will be starring in a new movie about Joaquin Phoenix. The film is titled, By The Time I Get To Phoenix, I'll Be Gone.
The Victoria's Secrets of Europe
Victoria's Secret announces that many of its European outlets will soon begin selling Susan Boyle Fake Eyebrows.
Can You Hear The Lawsuits Now?
The city of Mobile, Alabama is getting ready to file name infringment lawsuits against dozens of Mobile phone companies throughout America.