Corn Flees Commode
Genetically-engineered corn flees commode, "I'm not going through all that shit, again!"
More Taking Anti-Depressants
A new study in the United States shows that more Americans are taking prescription anti-depressant something or another, whatever. I ran out this week, probably get that stupid flu and die.
Loom Battles Secret
Fruit Of The Loom men's underwear shorts to have a new banana pocket on the front. Say they are now taking on Victoria's Secret.
Needle Finally Found
Boogertown's hottest courting couple, Billy Gene and Sarah Jean discover needle in farmer's haystack!
New Status Symbol
The number of chins one has, has now become at status symbol in United States, Canadian WalMart shoppers.
Archaeologists Find Pyramid
American, British archaeologists discover ancient pyramid scheme in southern Enugu in Nigeria.
Japan Apoligizes To China
Japan formally apologizes to China for their World War II atrocities, by e-mail: "Our Bad!!"
Biden's Location Revealed
Vice President Joe Biden's secret unknown location sent to several newspaper's reporters by anonymous tip.
Hardees Abandons Food Pyramid
Hardees Restaurants admit that they replaced expert's highly recommended food pyramid with burger/french fry ponzi scheme.
Bill Clinton's Affairs
Former United States President Bill Clinton says that while he was in office, media reports on his so-called affairs with bimbos were highly overblown!
Einstein's Theory Remains Untested
Authorities at Cape Canaveral admit sending two astronauts up in 1992 to test Einstein's space/time theory apparently missed mouse poop, because they returned to earth as two six-foot hairy turds.
The safest place to be during a pandemic outbreak of Mexican swine flu...
According to spoof writer In Seine, the safest place to be is in a 'cuckoos nest'. Why, everyone's heard of ... "One flu over the cuckoo's nest!" "it will miss you by miles" he claimed.
WHO: Virus Not Spreading
There is no evidence of the swine flu virus spreading in a sustained way outside North America, a top World Health Organization official, said just before dropping dead from flu.
When Will the Rating Get Higher?
WHO officials are trying to play down the possibility of a pandemic Mexican swine flu. However, they warn that we should be worried when it reaches Ham-demic proportions.
The Borders Are Down!
The America/Mexico border is in chaos today: Americans are fleeing the US because of the failing economy and the Mexican's are fleeing their country because of swine flu!
Royal heir claims not to have washed his hair for two years!
One of the Royal heirs, Prince Harry claims not to have washed his hair for two years. He has managed to save £200 on shampoo! Meanwhile, Camilla claims never to have washed the heir to the throne.
Student Prank Injures Traffic Warden
A traffic warden was almost killed by an invisible car created by student Sara Watson."Who put that there?" he said, to which she replied; "Some cars are better off not seen - especially this Skoda!"
2 legs good, 4 legs bad
President Felipe Calderón has dismissed concerns for his health. "Yes, I have felt a little feverish," he said at press conference, "My snout has been filling up and oink, oink, oink, oink, oink".
written by Exislanda, 02 May 2009
Purtle Grittle Dead At 47
Purtle Grittle of Nashville died Friday at the Vanderbilt Hospital. Grittle was employed as an airport security screener for the past twelve years and suffered from Odor Eater Lung.
Briton With Flu Never Visited Mexico
Briton who hadn't been to Mexico says he probably caught the Swine Flu from "visiting his Mother-In-Law, the old Sow!"
Gay Swine Flu?
The World Health organization says it fears complications if HIV & H1N1 virus combine, also that the term "Gay Swine Flu" is NOT funny, especially if you get it.
Customers Flee Grocery
Customers flee grocery in Peoria, Illinois after hybrid ear of corn spotted taking down notes as two ladies gossiped nearby produce section.
Lady Removed From McDonalds
A lady who had had a little too much to drink was removed from a McDonalds in Nashville, Tn. after seeing Ronald McDonald and yelling, "Look at the size of those feet, he must be hung like a horse!"
Columbian Murders Up 10%
Columbian officials say their murder rate is up maybe 10% over this time last year, but not sure as most statisticians were killed by drug lords who claimed they were boring them to death.
Last Of Obama Stuff Arrives
The Barack Obama's have finally got all their stuff moved into the White House as yesterday the last haul was made by a George Jefferson Moving-On-Up Van.
Y2K Finally Over
Yesterday, police officers in a remote part of Alaska were finally able to remove the last of the Y2K bunker sitters & convince them everything went OK.
Blago's Lone Supporter A Puppet!
When lawmakers in Illinois voted 114-1 to impeach the governor. Apparently, Blagojevich supporter was a puppet on disquised Blago's hand as experts study video.
Officer Arrested For Fakes
A decorated army officer has been arrested as part of a probe into whether medals were awarded based on false battle write-ups. No such place, event as "The Horrific Battle for Pooperscooperstan"
Tory Counciller Jailed
Tory councillor jailed for using 'ghost voters' to rig local election as Labour calls in Ghost Busters!
Swine Flu In Britain
I've never experienced anything like it. My nose is turned up permanently, tail twisted': England's first victim to contract swine flu from another human speaks as number of Brit cases reaches 13
Russian Military Uniforms Remain The Same
A plan to replace Soviet-era Russian military uniforms with ones by a leading fashion designer has been abandoned because of a lack of money, poor reviews by critics.
Brazil Moves Late-Comers From 1940's
Brazilian police and soldiers have begun an operation to remove non-indigenous residents from an Indian reservation in northern Brazil. Begin moving them to Old Nazi's Home in Sao Paulo.
Australia Prepares Military
The Australian government says it is to spend more than $72bn (£48bn) upgrading its military over the next two decades. "We must be prepared for crazy North Koreans, Tasmanian Devils running amok!"
Vigilance & Readiness
President Obama: Flu strain requires vigilance and readiness, several changes of underwear and pants.
Derby Day In Kentucky
Horse racing hoping for quiet, exciting Kentucky Derby today. Hope is that no horses will be injured, only minimum of Swine Flu spread.
Pirates Overtake Ukrainian Boat
Somali pirates hijack ship with Ukrainian crew. Russia comes to the rescue by blowing both boats out of the water.
Obama's Careful Choice
President Obama pledges careful choice to replace Souter as Supreme Court judge. "I'll be looking closely at all those far on the left but certainly not a penis pumper under the gown."
People Discover Twitter Sucks
Millions of people are leaving the popular web based mini-networking, mini-blogging site Twitter after discovering that the site totally sucks.
written by NickFun, 02 May 2009
Newt Gingrich Obama's Supreme Court Choice
President Obama announced Newt Gingrich as his choice for Supreme Court Associate Justice. This is "Change" that can be readily seen! Besides, Newt wouldn't want to run for president in 2012.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 02 May 2009