Houses of Parliament to Soon Empty
With so many MPs resigning, Westminster Palace will soon be redundant. London Mayor, Boris Johnson, will apply to turn it into a table tennis emporium.
written by IN SEINE, 29 May 2009
Tennessee Man Has 21 Children
Tennessee man fathers 21 children by 11 different women... and he's only 29! However, he looks 70.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Egg On His Face
In New York City, a weatherman attempting to fry an egg on the sidewalk was trampled to death!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Totally Off Target
In Lincoln, Nebraska Friday, a man's head was finally extracted from an obese woman's thonged ass after botched high dive!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Michelle Informs On Obama
Michelle Obama said this afternoon in interview that if it's one thing President Obama hates, it's for her to turn over in bed get on his ears.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Britain's Got Scrabble: Boyle defeated
After a tense game littered with four-letter words, Britain's Got Talent's Shaheen Jafargholi has beaten Susan Boyle at Scrabble. Jafargholi will meet Sri Lankan leader Mahinda Rajapaksa in the final.
written by neilwatson, 29 May 2009
Ali Cannot Be Hung
Iraqi official announces that Chemical Ali cannot be hung as the rope dissolves just as soon as it is placed around his neck!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Manson Braeks Luke's Record
Charles Manson breaks Cool Hand Luke's record by eating 51 eggs, one by each personality.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
UAW Approves GM Concessions
UAW members approve General Motors concessions. Workers say goodbye to wives and children as they leave to relocate to China.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Gore: Bush Anti-Global Warming Policies
Al Gore: Bush White House repeatedly stifled any new climate research. "Wouldn't even allow you to ask if it was hot in there or was it me!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Saudis Say US Should Leave
Saudi Arabian King condemns United States occupation of Iraq. "They should be free to attack us at any time", says King Abdullah Hippocrit III.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Obamas Meeting Other Rich People
The stinking rich distance themselves from the filthy rich in meetings with President Barack Obama.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
New Placebo Plant
Huge placebo-making plant to be built next to Pepsi Cola headquarters in New York, who admit they're "not the real thing".
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Breast Implants Reach Pinnacle
Manufacturers of new breast implants say they have now reached the tipping point.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Paramedic Smashed! Sacked!
Paramedic sacked after being caught at wheel of ambulance while twice over drink-drive limit. Police noticed him when he had his head out the window making his own siren noises!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Major Airline Improvements
Major airlines performance improved nearly 50% in April could be attributed to fewer fliers due to the bad economy and Swine Flu scare.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Just The Thing
A pilot who was able to walk away unhurt last month after his plane crashed into a cushioning bunch of portopotties, admits that he joined the passengers in using the facilities immediately afterward.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Justice Met
Woman who treated daughters- in-law like 'slaves and dogs' is jailed for seven years in local pound.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Nuke Test In North Yorkshire
Nuclear test carried out in North Yorkshire... announces BBC news presenter in Radio 5 gaffe. "You'd think that they would have warned us", states Lancashire woman.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Palne Flies On Plum Juice
Flying on fruit juice: Jumbo Jet powered by 'plum' biofuel takes to the skies. "It was a sweet flight", says pilot, Jack Horner.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
New "See-Through" Bathing Suit
Revolutionary bikini to make tan lines history: 'See-through' swimming cossie guarantees all-over bronzing. Also it's bringing back those old x-ray glasses sold in the comics in the '60's and '70's.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Lois Lane Dead
Lois Lane found dead. Police are questioning one Clark Kent about whether his super-sizing it got out of control.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Swine Flu Victims
In the latest stats just released, more than half of the victims of the Swine Flu were press people gathering all the latest numbers of victims of the Swine Flu.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Pelosi House Bugged?
Nancy Pelosi told the press she's not going to have any further comment on this whole controversy about the CIA. "I'm tired of my house being bugged", stated Pelosi, while scratching her ass.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Johnson Wins #299
Randy Johnson picked up win number 299 with a 6-3 victory over the Atlanta Braves Thursday night. Johnson is now just one victory away from becoming the ugliest 300-game-winner since Warren Spahn.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Another Teacher Sacked
Teacher sacked after 'making pupils kneel and pray to Allah' during Religion Education lesson. Brings bad memories of last year's trouble over dancing nude while sacrificing chicken.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Morley #13
Unlucky for some: Ex-minister Elliot Morley set to become 13th victim of the expenses scandal. Meanwhile, #112 says he will probably be retired by the time the scandal reaches him.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Cash Refuses To Step Down
Conservative MP Bill Cash has said he does not intend to stand down over his expenses claims for rent on a "second home" owned by his daughter. "I stole that money from taxpayer's fair and square."
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Iran Blames US
A provincial official in Iran has accused the United States of being behind Thursday's bombing of a mosque that killed at least 19 people, his bad case of hemorrhoids.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Glasses Key To Personality
The way you hold your glass can reveal much more than you might realise, a psychologist has warned. Also, the amount of alcohol, number of glasses you drink.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Why Didn't We Think Of This Before?
President Obama says he is confident that Israel will recognize that a two-state solution's in the best interests of its security. Reasoning, the closer the rockets can be fired, the safer the people.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Cuckoo Bird In Danger
Society warns cuckoo bird is in danger of extinction. Chavez, Kim Jung Il, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad demand action!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Obama Embarrassed
Obama calling for better security for computers after teleprompter source hacked and he gives the Gettysburg Address and a couple of bawdy limericks.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Oil Prices Jump!
Oil prices hit new six-month high above $65 a barrel, because it can..and there's nothing we can do about it.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Destroyed All Sea Life
A huge volcanic eruption in China some 260 million years ago led to the sudden extermination of marine life clear around the world, says expert, who saw it all in a vision!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
New Top Speller
Aspiring nurosur...knewalsurg...nuero...neurosurgeon from Kansas is nation's top speller!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
NKorea Slams Security Council
North Korea slams Security Council as hypocrites! "Many of your leaders have funny shaped heads, 'Not all there' also!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
The Powerful Shanghai Boy Scouts
The Swiss government wants to know who the hell North Korea thinks they are. They say that fifty boys scout troops from Shanghai armed with chopsticks could defeat North Korea in about ten minutes.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 May 2009
Will The Gay Guys and Gay Gals Give Up?
In California Proposition 8 has again been voted down. Governor Schwarzenegger suggested that maybe it's best if all the gay guys and gay gals just give up and move to Iowa.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 May 2009
The Global Political Movement League Threatens North Korea
The Global Political Movement League has mandated that North Korea stop all their, (to use their word) bullshit immediately before all North Koreans get their (to use their word) asses kicked.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 May 2009
The Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe
The Rolls Royce Auto Company is feeling the economic pinch. They plan on reducing the price on their Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe from $400,000 to $390,000.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 May 2009
The World Citizens Health Organization Is Upset
The World Citizens Health Organization has just issued a proclamation that starting June 1, any countries who have any cases of swine flu will be fined $20,000 per case.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 May 2009
Al Gore Visits Kindergarten
Al Gore visits local kindergarten in Crossville, Tennessee to read to the kids, "Jack and Jill went up the hill to escape the rising ocean!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Man Dead In Roswell
Police say that man found dead in Roswell, New Mexico had been hit by a flying saucer, skillet!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Nobody Celebrating Early
Local Mall in Paris, Kentucky presents: Christmas In Spring! Summer! Fall! Still few shoppers show up!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Naughty Nighties
Fredericks of Wheeling, Virginia introduces new see-through flap less long johns!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Replaced Siegfried & Roy
Vampire magician performs highlight of his Vegas show by walking out into the evening sun and eating a clove of garlic!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
Obama's Mother-In-Law
President Obama's mother-in-law tells him, "You may be the leader of the free world, but you are not going to wear those old tennis shoes in MY part of the White House!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
New Crayola Color
The Crayola Crayon Company announced on her Talk Show yesterday that they have decided to call their new crayon color, Ochre Winfree.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
og Withdrawn From Show
Man withdraws dog from Westminster Dog Show after he learns that "Best drinker from the commode" is not a part of the agenda.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2009
