The First Test Tube Baby Turns 30
The world's very first test tube baby has just celebrated his 30th birthday. MGM plans to make a movie on his story. The film is titled, The Adventures of Little Beaker.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Senator John McCain and Ronald McDonald
Sen. John McCain has been approached by McDonalds to star in a commercial featuring their brand new meal deal named after him. The new meal is called "The John McCain Big Mac Old Codger Meal Deal."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
The Cuban Space Program Is Hurting
Due to the nation's dwindling capital. Cuba announces that it will have to layoff one of its two astronauts.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Subway's Tuna Controversy
A food menu consultant has suggested that Subway change the name of their tuna fish sandwich from "The Unmercuried Tuna Melt" to "The Totally Sanitized Tuna Melt."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Nancy Pelosi's Look-A-Like Celebrity
The last House of Representatives proceeding was interrupted by Nancy Pelosi to let everyone know she had received a text message saying she was the winner of The Mary Tyler Moore Look-a-Like Contest.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
OMFG! Why no 65th D-Day anniv invite for the Queen?
Because she'll probably be dead by then, that's why!
written by queen mudder, 28 May 2009
Julie Kirkbride's £50,000 hair extensions 'worth every penny'
Brother's £10,000 penis extension a taxpayer snip!
written by queen mudder, 28 May 2009
Dong Missile Hits Ocean
North Korea launched yet another dong missile that has landed in the ocean. Receives condemnation from US, Japan and Paris Hilton -who stated that any lost dong is a tragedy.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Always In A Hurry!
A new study shows that in a nationwide sex survey, men got theirs filled out twice as fast as women.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Captain Spaulding's Descendants
Houston, Texas now believed to be the home of over 100,000 short, brown Groucho Marx.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
There's Always A Catch
Alaska offering free 100 acres of land in deep forest near lake, free firewood, five sticks of dynamite to supply you with a year's supply of fish just to come live there vote for Palin.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
All Three Disappointed
A tourist trap in Duluth, Minnesota has returned tourist's money after admitting that Abraham Lincoln never killed his first moose there in 1849.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Enquirer Catches Edwards Again
The National Enquirer films John Edwards leaving a Beverly Hilton Hotel. Edwards claims that he was there for early start on 2012 presidential campaign.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
These Just In...
Parrot owned by Somali pirate kidnaps French battleship. Meantime, the California woman who had eight kids finally splits.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Face of Jesus Found in Marmite Lid
The face of Jesus has reputedly been found inside the lid of a jar of Marmite. This cannot be true because I don't think Jesus likes marmite... perhaps he does now!
written by IN SEINE, 28 May 2009
A Study Suggests We Can Taste Words.
A study suggests that we can taste words; ice cream, pizza, fish & chips and chocolate are some of the favourites. Whereas brussels sprouts, cabbage and spinach are some of the most tasteless words.
written by IN SEINE, 28 May 2009
Can't Be Too Careful
China quarantines U.S. school group over Swine Flu concerns. Russia quarantines Georgia, Armenia over Swine Flu concerns.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Pentagon Denies Pics
Pentagon denies report that Iraq prison photos show rape, torture, baby seals being clubbed, Marines pulling whales onto beaches.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Eton College to Close All Week!
World-famous Eton school has had to close because one of the pupils has contracted swine flu. It is a well-known breeding ground for public school piglets.
written by IN SEINE, 28 May 2009
Village Releases Pothole Pics
Fed up village releases twelve-page dossier of dozens of potholes, one with the top of a small car showing, to force council into action.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Gonzales Disease Hits Brit MPs
New cases of forgetfulness hitting British MP's worse than Swine Flu. Nearly one in four now infected with Alberto Gonzales Disease.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Consumer Confidence Down
According to new survey, consumer confidence is at an all-time low. "The only things we can't keep in stock is bullets, rat poison and kool-aid", say store owners.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
No News From Texas
No news is good news out of Texas as the Lone Star state celebrates "Take A Gun To Work Day".
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Pentagon Issues Lie Detectors
The Pentagon is providing US troops in Iraq, Afghanistan hand-held lie detectors that made a noise so loud during their lying instructions for using them, the troops couldn't hear!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Monk Raid In Kentucky
FBI raid monk compound at Gethsame, Kentucky as over fifty monks all sharing the same sleeping area.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Fawlty Powers: hotelier Basil for North Korea peace envoy
America has appointed Basil Fawlty, aka Monty Pythawn, as US peace ambassador to North Korea. "Don't mention Team America or the Ministry for Silly Marching! I did, but I think I got away with it ..."
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
How's That Again?
In order to avoid contracting the Swine Flu, the World Health Organization recommends staying away from areas where large numbers of people gather, like hospital emergency rooms.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Stig-Marmite: yeast spread Messiah sighted in Wales
Thousands of pilgrims in Lourdes and Dallas are predicted to find Wales on Google Maps before staying put, according to experts. Christianity is known for the slogan: "You either love it or hate it."
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
The Lompoc Earthquakes
A powerful 7.3 earthquake hit Lompoc, California. City officials report that there were no injuries. They added that the 7.3 earthquake actually fixed the damage that last week's 6.1 earthquake did.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Italy Wipes Out The Wine Flu
The Italian Health Deptartment says they've wiped out the Wine Flu in Italy. They said their recommendation that all citizens drink one bottle of wine a day seems to have worked like a charm.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Governor Sarah - Have Helicopter Will Travel (Hunt)
The Alaskan Department of Tourism has asked Gov. Palin to please cut back on some of her helicopter moose hunting. They say that it is scaring the heck out of the few tourists that they still have.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
The Best ElephantBurgers in Oklahoma
The Oklahoma City Zoo is having to sell their elephant. They advertised in the local paper and received an offer from Sal Pasino, owner of Shifty Sal's ElephantBurgers. The zoo said, "Ah, no thanks."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
The Largest Carnival In America
The largest carnival in America, The Bilitnikoff Brothers Carnival reports that because of the continuing economic downturn they will be forced to shut down their midway and all cotton candy machines.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Ship Sank On Purpose
A World War II era ship was purposely sunk off the coast of Florida to help create a barrier reef. To make sure it stayed down, the ship was loaded with concrete statues of Monica Lewinsky.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Clinton Warns NKorea
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned North Korea against actions they will certainly regret later, wherever their next life is spent.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Sentence Rather Harsh
British hairdresser, 19, facing 79 years to life in Bolivian jail for smuggling cocaine!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
SportSpurt: Barcel-over-the-moon-a
Barcelona hammered two goals into the open mouths of football pundits last night. Despite Manchester United kicking off ten minutes before Barcelona took to the pitch, the Spanish side was victorious.
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
66-Year-Old Mom Delivers
Britain's oldest mother, aged 66, gives birth to a healthy 5lb 3oz 47-year-old boy!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Rampaging Apes In Gibraltar
Family hospitalised after attack by rampaging apes in Gibraltar. Apes claim they've had it with both Britain and Spain! Declare Gorilla Warfare!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
France Surrenders
French D-Day surrender: Sarkozy makes U-turn and says Queen IS welcome at 65th anniversary. "Favor granted in the spirit of de Gaulle."
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Sir John Avoided Taxes
Tory grandee Sir John Butterfill avoided £600,000 capital gains tax (including £17,000 on servants' quarters), all 125 of them.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Police Question MP's About Expenses!
Now the police are set to grill officials in the Commons over MPs expenses such as getting off on taxpayer-paid vacations, prostitutes!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
About Those Green Monkeys
Genetically modified primates that glow green and pass the trait on to their offspring could aid the fight against human disease, scare the shit out of you if one gets out at night.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Music For Babes
Hospitals that play music to premature babies help them grow and thrive, mounting evidence suggests. Heavy Metal prevents sissies. Bob Dylan increases intelligence but slows speech development.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Australia Stimulating The Daed
The Australian government has admitted that cash hand-outs aimed at stimulating the economy have been sent to thousands of people who are dead. Most have ordered new tombstones with new messages.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Cheggers plays pop, but not for pirates
Keith "Chegwin" Cheggers has turned down an offer to be the new face of Somalian Pirate Radio. "He couldn't withdraw quick enough," said the former Mrs Cheggers, Maggie Philbin.
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
Tasting Sounds, Hearing Shapes!
We are all capable of "hearing" shapes and sizes and perhaps even "tasting" sounds, according to researchers at the new Timothy Leary Institute.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Quake Hits Honduras
Major quake strikes off Honduras but reporter states: The threat of a tsunami has been called oooofffFFFFF!!!!!!!
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Recession Hurting Veterans
Recession brings cuts to veterans' service groups. Congress: What did they ever do for us? Money for more auto, bank bailouts has priority.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Just Wanted Attention
Pa. mom who reported being abducted faces charges as aliens bring forth key witnesses forward. Admits she made up story.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
NKorea Power Hungry
U.S., South Korea raise military alert on North Korea after they threaten war on both, plus Japan, China, Russia, Vietnam, as Jung "over the edge".
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Hillary Headed To Greenland?
Greenland ice could fuel severe U.S. sea level rise, as the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's permanent office shifted to Greenland to prevent further thawing.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Down It Goes
Close-up look at black hole reveals a wild abandoned feeding frenzy. Kirsty Alley's opened mouth not a pretty sight.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
SportSpurt: Big Brother bludgeoner to face Tiger
Jack Tweed is to face Tiger Woods on the golf course. Woods plays from scratch, Tweed plays off a two handicap: an electronic tag and being in jail. Bookmakers back bad boy Jack to win by a knockout.
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
"Mad for it" rave shame of marmoset-manipulators
Scientists bred marmosets with a glow-in-the-dark gene "to make them the ultimate rave accessory", claims The Spoof's (acid-) house expert, Mr D Mob. "But this isn't 1989," added Mr Mob, "is it?!"
written by neilwatson, 28 May 2009
The Latest Fleetwood Mac CD
Fleetwood Mac has announced that the title of their next CD is "The Face With Five Mouths." Singer Stevie Nicks said that she wants to dispell the rumor that it was named after Dick Cheney.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
The New And Improved Chris Brown?
Chris Brown put a message on his web site saying, "I am not a monster." The ex-boyfriend of Rihanna added, "And if anyone thinks that I am I will bite off their arm!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Goalllllll!
Responding to concerns from Asia's leading sports doctors, regarding soccer ball head injuries. The Asian Football Confederation will soon begin using soccer balls the size of baseballs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
Malcolm The IV - The 12-Year-Old Scottish Kid King
Malcolm IV, in 1253, became the King of Scotland at the age of twelve. And for the past 756 years, no sixth grader has ever brought better "Show and Tell" items than his jeweled crown and satin robe.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
The Report From Phoenix's Muslim Hospital
A Muslim hospital in Phoenix has reported that since the beginning of the year the most popular name for newborn baby girls has been Beyonce and for newborn baby boys it's Jihad.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 May 2009
US Sales Tax
Once considered unthinkable, U.S. sales tax gets fresh look! After all, if there's one thing that will get people back to spending, it's a ten percent increase in product costs.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
Free Viagra For The Unemployed, Understaffed
The Pfizer Company is offering free drugs including Viagra for those who recently lost their jobs. "Just wanted to help, because they're not working anymore", says company.
written by Bureau, 28 May 2009
