Obama Getting A Little Testy
President Obama tells friend that he's getting a little tired of his mother-in-law's joke of waking him up at 3AM and telling him the Mexicans have overran the Alamo!
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
King Dating Cher?
Larry King says he may be dating Cher. "It looked a lot like Cher, or most of her did. Anyway, we'll know when the tabloid newspapers come out tomorrow."
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Jupitor Has Shrunk!
Astronomers panic, call Obama to inform him that the whole universe is suddenly moving outward at tremendous speed. Then someone discovers astronauts turned Hubble Telescope the wrong way.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
We Ate The Neanderthals
The Journal of Anthropological Sciences reports that they now believe that the neanderthals disappeared because of humans eating them, as early cave marking show "Nthal (mouth with teeth) slik chiken"
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Nimoy Explains Vulcan Greeting
Leonard Nimoy reveals secret to Vulcan salute: "In the '60's we had to do everything & I didn't have time to mend my uniform so I glued it. Then later my fingers stuck. OR, it came to me in a trance!"
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Danica Patrick Third At Indy
Danica Patrick finished 3rd Monday at the Indy 500. Some say she would have won if she'd hire a new team to apply make-up and touch up lipstick during pit stops.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
NKorea Nuclear Test Riling Everybody Up!
The UN is meeting in emergency closed session over NKorea's latest nuclear test after even its allies joined in the criticism. US Obama said he was "concerned", France surrendered & SKorea Shit Pants!
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Gitmo 90% Record
Study by the Pentagon shows that one out of ten prisoners freed from Gitmo head back to terrorism groups. The other nine drive taxi cabs and run quick-stops and motels.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
The Former and Ex-Detroit Red Wings
The Buffalo Wild Wings Restaurant Corporation has just purchased The Detroit Red Wings. Starting with the 2009-2010 hockey season the team's new name will be The Detroit Red Buffalo Wings.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
The "Crab Catching" Time Bandit Hits An Oil Slick
The ship on "The Deadliest Catch" the Time Bandit hit an oil slick while on the Bering Sea. The good news is the ship is fine. The bad news is the crabs all now have a kind of 10W30 taste about them.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
KFC Becomes KGC
Taking a cue from Kentucky Fried Chicken who is changing their name to the more healthy sounding Kentucky Grilled Chicken. Burger King is changing their name to The Healthy Burger of The Healthy King.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
Kirstie Alley Loses 25 Pounds
Kirstie Alley just lost 25 pounds. Her pet boa constrictor, Fido ran away, or rather make that slithered away.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
Andy, Opie, and Aunt Bee's Singing Friend
Jim Nabors, aka Gomer Pyle, in keeping with a 37-year-old tradition sang the song "Back Home Again In Indiana" at the start of the Indy 500. Nabors wanted to sing "La Bamba" but he was over ruled.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
Vicente Fox & The Other Fox
The former president of Mexico Vicente Fox is using the Fox Network claiming name infringement. Fox wants Fox to pay him $20 million. But he says he'll settle out-of-court for $19 million.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 May 2009
"Madoff Junior" Arrested
A California hedge fund manager was arrested Friday on a charge he bilked investors out of $50 million. Upon hearing this news, guards say Bernie Madoff's was saying, "Only Fifty Mill?, what a loser!"
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
A Police Correction
Police in Ohio say that yesterday's report that the victim was found buried in a shallow grave was incorrect. She was actually found six feet under her grave marker, as perp liked to bait the police.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
No Relocating Detainees Here!
Ninety Senators and three of those things in Charles Manson vote against closing Camp at Guantanamo and relocating the detainees to our prisons here in the US!
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Few Bad Apples
Dick Cheney defends United States guards at Gitmo. You can't blame them all for a few bad apples. Bad Apples reply that they "were only following odors."
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
NKorea Launches Another Missile
North Korea successfully launches yet another missile into the ocean. "Anyone trying to attack us from that one spot there, will be completely annihilated", says Kim Jung II.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Cheney: Water Boarding Not Torture
Dick Cheney says that water boarding is not torture and that he has had it done himself. "Why they're no worse than a fair to middling heart attack."
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
George Wallace Prediction
Joe Biden says that southern democrats must take some blame for the Swine Flu. He said he can remember years ago when George Wallace was saying, the US would have a black president when "Pigs Fly".
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Female Answer To Crosby, Stills & Nash!
Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are forming a new Girl Supergroup. The new group will be known as the Dicksy Chicks.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
She Wasn't Told!
Nancy Pelosi says that she was not there when the FCC announced that her old analog TV would not work after a certain date and therefore she can't be held responsible for missing any TV news shows.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
We'll Be Better Prepared
Republican National Committee head Michael Steele said that the party will no longer apologize for past mistakes and begin warning people about the future consequences.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Chinese Demolish Sex Park
The Chinese plans for a sex park were scrapped after Chinese officials discovered Americans had already built a similar theme park, but with bigger and longer hot dogs.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Sheep Farmers Disappointed
Government advisers are encouraging people not to eat lamb because of the methane they produce. Instead they should eat pork or chicken. Such advice angers Muslims, but chicken farmers are ecstatic!
written by norma snockers, 25 May 2009
Government advisers upset Muslims again!
We are advised by the government to eat more pork or chicken because they produce fewer carbon emissions. Such news has incensed Moslems.
written by norma snockers, 25 May 2009
"Can't We All Get Along?"
Israeli/Palestinian group encourage President Obama and former VP Dick Cheney to work out their differences peacefully.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
British Protest In NYC
British tourists were arrested in NYC insulting the Catholic church after parading themselves dressed like priests chasing choir boys. Most people got the point, but kept on looking for John Cleese.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Read The "Add On"
In a Rose Garden event last week, President Obama signed into law a bill designed to protect consumers from "surprise credit card fees and uh federal income taxes..Who wrote that on my teleprompter?"
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Biden Blabbing Again
President Obama is concerned over Joe Biden shooting his mouth off again as today as Obama went to a Memorial Day ceremony, Biden was telling a big group of kids where Waldo was located.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Pre Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc
If B comes before A, it is obvious that B is because of A. This is self-evident and needs no further research, a science advisor to the President says.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 25 May 2009
Grisley Skulls Found
Grisley skulls found in India! Scientists, others say they never knew India ever had bears like these.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
FBI Trouble With Lizzie Borden Case
The FBI announced that it's longtime gathering of information on the Lizzie Borden Case has been hacked!
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Insect Jihad Coming!
Scientists in southern US say that killer bees and fire ants are planning a jihad against pest control workers this summer.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Elderly Sherlock Holmes On Case, Diapers
An extremely elderly Sherlock Holmes finally gets a new case. "This one looks like it might be a 'three diaper problem' Watson."
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
The Dirty Crook
Crime boss who cheated the tax man of £138m sees his 'pop star' life of luxury auctioned off to MP's using taxpayer's
money.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
MP Scandal Continues
The £6.2m bill: Scandal of how MPs are taking taxpayers for a ride with extortionate travel expenses. "Mr. Politician, where are YOU going after winning the election?" "We're going to Disney World!"
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Jacqui Smith & Your Tax Dollars
Jacqui Smith claims £240 iPhone for husband, child with a pony, Wino to worship at her feet with taxpayer money.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
"Sky Is Falling!"
Unpredictable weather seems to stimulate chatter among birds - as well as humans - according to researchers. Others say that parrots, mockingbirds are merely repeating human words during panic.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Eczema's Connection To Asthma
Eczema's link to asthma uncovered! People with eczema scratch so hard they get all out of breath.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
UK Uncertain On Causes Of Cancer
The UK public is deeply sceptical about scientific claims for what causes or prevents cancer, a poll suggests. Smokers say "drinking", Drinkers say "obesity" Obese say "Smoking".
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Xanax Sales Up!
Should the world be worried about North Korea blowing millions away? It depends mostly on whether you live in New York or Seoul, S. Korea or Japan, who are busy making chemical & biological weapons.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
NYC Banning Cars
New York City's iconic Times Square is getting a major makeover, with city officials banning cars from stretches of Broadway. Yesterday, three dead, 27 injured in skateboard, shopping cart pile-up.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Fat Once Is Enough
A Finnish study of more than 1,000 men found the highest risk of death and illness in those who put on weight in their 40s but lost it when they got older. So if you were fat, stay fat, say fat.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Scientology Goes On Trial
The Church of Scientology is set to go on trial in France, accused of organised fraud. Image of John Travolta burned at the stake.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Pelosi Seeing The World For Free
Speaker Pelosi dodges human rights on China visit, American second amendment right to bear arms in Washington.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Sir Paul Complains
SIR PAUL McCARTNEY's London pad has been removed from Google Street View after he made a complaint after 20,000 people saw him take a leak in the back yard shrubbery.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
Fire At Will!
Colin Powell fires back at Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney. North Korea fires nuclear capable rockets. More fires out west in California. No wonder there's global warming.
written by Bureau, 25 May 2009
