BNP Attempt to Show No Hard Feelings
In an attempt to show that there are no hard feelings, BNP leader, Nick Griffin, is inviting protesters to a breakfast of bacon sandwiches. "NO, I'm not trying to offend Muslims." He allegedly said
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
BNP Leader in Salmonella Scare
Nick Griffin, the BNP leader is to be forced to carry a label that says " WARNING: this product may contain traces of salmonella."
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
Chickens Distance Themselves from the BNP Protests
Chickens up and down the country want to make it quite clear "we've laid eggs for eating purposes, not for throwing at MEPs!"
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
BNP Leader Gets Opposition Support
Newly elected BNP leader, Nick Griffin is being egged on by anti-Nazi protesters. Now that's what I call IRONY! (Only yolking!)
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
"Cup Of Joe" (Millionaire)
Bum outside mall asks if you could give him $4.95 for a Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino blended coffee that is sweet and filled with buttery bliss.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Gore Gets Gored
A group of American and British scientists say that Al Gore's global warnings and movie are "on thin ice".
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
No 999 Response
Man found dead in home after 999 staff refused ambulance because his pancreatitis was 'not life-threatening'. "Our Bad" admits spokesman.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Obama's Orders Shaved Head
That's an order! Obama makes TV funnyman Stephen Colbert shave his head for the troops in Iraq, Talk Show host Rush Limbaugh to "lose that belly!"
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Mad Money?
Lottery millionaire who 'attacked shopkeeper who asked him to pay £400 debt', sued for 2.8 million winnings.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Obama's Eat At English Pub
First Lady: Michelle Obama takes her daughters to traditional English pub for £7.95 dinner, bottle of Old Peculiar.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Nursery Worker Arrested
A woman nursery worker has been arrested in connection with the distribution of indecent images of chickens, police said today. I'm sorry, that should be children. Sorry ASPCA!
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Nick Griffin Egged On
BNP leader Nick Griffin abandons press conference after being pelted with eggs, egg substitutes.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Gordon Ramsay Apologizes
Gordon Ramsay forced to apologise as Australia's Prime Minister brands him a 'lowlife' in row with TV host: "I SAID I was sorry, you blooming idiot!"
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Brits Have Privacy Fears
New mobile phone directory inquiries database with every number, address, age, measurements and genital size in Britain sparks privacy fears.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
The Pigeon Problem Is Bad - Bring In The Voice Tapes
The city of Saginaw, Michigan faced with a tremendous downtown pigeon problem has decided to play Fran Drescher voice tapes at a high volume. Reports are it scared the pigeons away in Provo, Utah.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Madonna Is So Confused
In an interesting turn of events. An African couple has adopted an American baby.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
The Beverly Hills PD - "We're Strict!"
The police in Beverly Hills prove why they have a reputation as one of the strictest police departments in America. They arrested a homeless man for having mispelled a 'Will Work For Food' sign.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Cloris Leachman's Amazing Saudi Arabian Boyfriend
Cloris Leachman, 83, has just revealed that while filming a movie in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia back in 1979, she met and dated Osama Bin Laden. She said he took her for a ride on his 'Two Humper.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
The Infamous Shoe Bomber "Mumbai Myron" Arrested
The world's most infamous shoe bomber, "Mumbai Myron," was arrested at Karbala's Airport in Iraq. M.M. had switched from the normal loafer shoe type of shoe bomb to a more simple flip flop shoe bomb.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
The Ex-Holland Tunnel
The city of New York, in order to generate much-needed revenue, has decided to close the Holland Tunnel to traffic and turn it into a gigantic storage facility.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Paris "The Non-Farm Animal Expert" Hilton
Paris Hilton was asked if she would rather have a pet lamb or a pet sheep. She thought about it for a moment and then answered. "I'd rather have a pet lamb because they are whiter than a pet sheep."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
David Blunkett MP savaged by Lord Hurd of Cowes...
mad cow disease rears its ugly head again!
written by queen mudder, 09 June 2009
First Full-Body Transplant Performed
In an announcement this morning, the first full-body transplant has been successfully performed at a US hospital. "Cher is recovering nicely", say docs.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Hate Crime Bill Better Cover Recruiters
Study: Millions who signed list that wanted a new hate-crime bill passed were merely asked by recruiters, "Do you hate crime?"
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Schoolboy Jailed for Stealing Clover
A 9-year-old Wiltshire boy was jailed today for stealing a 7-leaf clover. Instead of bringing him good luck it brought the lad a 7-year jail sentence. The judge told him: "sometimes life's a bitch!"
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
"What Are You Doing?"
Micro-blogging service Twitter remains the preserve of a few, despite the hype surrounding it, according to research. 90% done by 10% of twitters, 75% of messages: "What are you doing?"
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Air Guitar Music Also Taught
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has unveiled a plan to save money by phasing out school textbooks in favor of internet aids. Journalism students to learn text messaging the classics.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Detainee In NYC
The first Guantanamo detainee who is to be tried in a US civilian court has arrived in New York, officials say. Trial may be held in tent where the twin towers used to be.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
How About Taxing Taxes?
House Democrats are considering a new tax on employer-provided health benefits to help pay for expanding coverage to the uninsured. Employers immediately cancel all health benefits.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Abe Was Honest About It
Hawaii archives holds mystery Lincoln document. Apparently, he and Mary Todd had nearly completely tried 80& of the Kama Sutra positions.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Women's Families Ask For Compassion
US women's families ask North Korea to show "compassion". North Korean leaders hurry to look up word in dictionary.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
The Wonders Of Taxing Benefits
Sources: House Democrats consider taxing benefits! Say they may actually begin paying some of theirs.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Wales turns blue overnight!
Not only did most of Wales turn blue overnight to reflect their change of allegiance to the Conservatives from Labour, it also broke out with a record number of Smurfs. This turned the air blue.
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
"The Spoof" Recommended For Variety
News readers gorge on media messages that fit their own pre-existing views, rather than graze on a wider range of perspectives. For variety, experts recommend "The Spoof" as the best suited overall.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Zombies Starving
Zombie chief in Haiti warns followers they are starving themselves to death by attacking teens at malls. "Those do not have any brains!"
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Black Hole Nearby
The most massive black hole yet weighed lurks at the heart of the relatively nearby giant galaxy M87. Major parts of Kim Jung II, Mahmoud Admenijad's brains already sucked in.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Expert Advice On Sleep Disorders
Glowing TV Screens Keeping Americans Up at Night! Experts on sleeping disorders say people kept awake should probably just turn them off.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Train Jumps The Track
Sacred cow on the train track in India causes the train to derail, injuring 110,364 riders.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
NKorea Mustn't Be Provoked
North Korea said Tuesday it would use nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive" if provoked. For instance, if that Road Runner harms Wiley Coyote just one more time.
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
Homerun King Barry Bonds Strikes Out
The wife of baseball star Barry Bonds has filed for divorce siting irreconcilable steroid rumors.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
California To Do Away With Welfare Program
California facing a $24.3 billion deficit is faced with the possibility of doing away with the welfare system. The Nevada senate immediately votes to construct a fence between California and Nevada.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Horse Racing Is Really For The Birds
Horses with bird names won the Kentucky Derby (Mine That Bird) and the Belmont Stakes (Summer Bird), No doubt some of next year's horses will be named, Cuckoo Bird, Bird Brain, and Bird Bath.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Lindsay Lohan & Samantha Ronson Back In The Saddle Again
Lindsay Lohan and her ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson are back together again. Lohan said that it's a good thing too because since the breakup she had dropped down to to 49 pounds.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Bated Breath
The World Citizens Health Organization after an extensive 10 year study has finally found a cure for bated breath.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 09 June 2009
Clarkson buys Dinky toy van for Richard Hammond
In a rare act of altruism, BBC top gear's Jeremy Clarkson bought a rare Dinky van for £6,400. He bought it for his friend Richard Hammond to drive around. "At least he can reach the pedals!" he said.
written by IN SEINE, 09 June 2009
What's He Know?
Leading Neuroscientist says that Facebook and MySpace risk 'infantilising' the human mind, the mean old shit ass. Pzzzzt!
written by Bureau, 09 June 2009
