French Football Team Wear Braille on Kits for Nigerian Friendly
France's national football team proudly wore their names written in Braille on their kits for a friendly match against Nigeria. This gesture was to help the referee who was allegedly blind.
written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
Gay Penguins Rear Adopted Chick
The BBC News reports on their website, that a couple of 'gay penguins' are rearing an adopted baby chick. This is an is an unfortunate turn of phrase - unless of course they are starting young!
written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
Mime Gets Justice
Mime in NYC comes to courtroom, for punching out man who walked through his invisible cube, by miming out incident to judge, given 100 years with no parole!
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Planet "Almost" Just Like Earth
The new recently launched space telescope has already found another earth-like planet, only difference is that Pat Sajak is turning the letter and Vanna White is the MC.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Taking The Initiative!
Police arrest young Wall Street employee who was fired late last year and charged him with pushing so-called"Jumpers" out of high rise buildings.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Chinese Purchase Hummers
Government Motors say they have sold the Hummer to a Chinese company who will make them mostly for pimps. Also, their names will be changed to the Hum-Dingers!"
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
PMS Terrorist Group
The PMS Put-My-Foot-Up-Your-Ass, a previously unknown terrorist group, announced yesterday that they are disbanding, but stilled pissed!
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Do It Now!
Pharmacists and physicians are asking clients to check their legal drugs with new free list of illegal drugs to make sure you don't mix the wrong ones. For a free list, drop by the Sheriff's office.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Prince Charles Provoked
Prince Charles provoked outrage today after he called for the extermination of Britain's grey squirrels, the lower classes who are bleeding us dry.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Man Stuck In Road!
Man rescued by firefighters after foot gets stuck in melted tar while crossing road, after being ran over seventeen times, pissed on by two dogs. Doing as well as can be expected.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Buttercup Explosion Injures Frolickers!
Gorgeous weather sparks explosion of buttercups! Prime Minister Brown blames extreme Muslim terrorists.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Dieter's Dream
Dieters' dream: Scientists create food that will make you feel full for twice as long. Calls for eight glasses of water per day. They call it, "The Sponge Diet".
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Curry Prevents Disease!
Eating a curry once or twice a week could help prevent the onset of Alzheimer's disease and dementia, a leading expert claims. "It's not a sure cure but a sure curry...a small bit of wit there!"
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Royal Navy On The Move
The Royal Navy captured Somali pirate gang after cat and mouse chase across Indian Ocean. Next! Driving the Spanish boats from British waters at Gibraltar.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Cheney Cahnges Mind
Yesterday, Dick Cheney said his lesbian daughter Mary has convinced him to support gay marriage. Cheney made the announcement after he discovered his wife, Lynne, was once a man.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Mother-In-Law To Close Gitmo
Despite opposition from the public, Barack Obama says he's determined to close Guantanamo Bay prison. To make sure Guantanamo Bay closes, he's sending his Mother-In-Law. "She can stare down Cheney!"
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Conan's Tonight
Last night was the second night of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien." Will there be a third?
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
The Sniffiest Dogs In The Entire World
Paddy, a DVD-sniffing anti-piracy dog found 35,000 illegal discs in a warehouse in Malaysia. Meanwhile over in Japan, Geisha Girl, a Chihuahua found 10,383 pounds of illegal sushi in a Ford Focus.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Mexico City's Bullfights Cancelled
Bullfights in Mexico City were cancelled due to the area's heat wave. With temperatures hovering around 110 degrees, it was virtually impossible to get the fighting bulls to stand up much less charge.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
A Japanese Firm Buys Hummer Line
A Japanese firm has just purchased General Motor's Hummer line of vehicles. They plan to change the name to SakiSushi.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Sing Sing Prison's New Underwear Manifesto
Sing Sing Prison in New York is so crowded that the warden has mandated that inmates will share the same underwear with their cellmates. The warden is calling it the 12-Hour Each Underwear Manifesto.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
The Peking Starbucks (Mmmmmm)
The Starbucks in Peking reports that their most popular selling menu items include Stir-Fried Egg Plant Lattes, Sweet and Sour Tofu Cappuccinos, and Roasted Peking Duck Frappuccinos.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Obama and Chavez Engage in "Name Calling"
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calls President Barack Obama a "Comrade." President Obama calls Chavez "An overweight chump-looking, two bit bowling ball faced pendejo (stupid)."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 03 June 2009
Joy Division drinking song voted top rare recording
The New Melodical Periodical has voted a Joy Division cover its top rarity among music fans and less obsessive listeners. "Show me the way to go home / I'm tired and I want to go to bed / In silence."
written by neilwatson, 03 June 2009
Bug, Worms Good Protein
Nutritionists say properly prepared, insects and worms are delicious and an excellent source of protein if you can keep them down for at least five minutes.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Jacqui Smith Gives Resignation Speech Outside Her Home.
Unfortunately, the press were not in attendance as they had all gone to the wrong address.
written by Roy Turse, 03 June 2009
ET Returns Briefly
E.T. the Extra Testicle, comes back to earth briefly to bring a gift to cyclist Lance Armstrong.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Sotomayor Watching Her Words
President Barack Obama hopes to put his lasting imprint on the Supreme Court with his choice of Sonia Sotomayor, but she is stepping carefully around Republican marbles, banana peels and mines.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Obama's Dog Devours Japanese Sound Man
"We never should have raised the dog on sushi," stated President Obama outside the morgue.
written by Wire Piddle, 03 June 2009
American Idol Adam Lambert Checks Into Hospital For An Enema
You really don't want me to go into detail, do you?
written by Wire Piddle, 03 June 2009
Attention Russia, China!
Four-year-old from kindergarten class visiting the White House pushes the pretty red buttons.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
DOT's New Lanes
Th Department of Transportation has announced the creation of cell phone only lanes on interstate highways.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Geithner Rallies Wall Street
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner suddenly appearing on Wall Street floor this morning tossing out $100 bills, leads to huge market rally!
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
It'll Be Here Soon!
Thousands predicted to attend July 4th at Rockefeller Center for lighting of humongous firecracker!
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
PM Brown Little Depressed
Doctors say Prime Minister Brown is definitely depressed after running TV political ads against himself.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Obama Revises Campaign Promises
Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change' To "a little tuck here, a little more pazazz there, a little bit of autos going green, a little bit of bacon in our greens!"
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Regis Confirms Ancient Meteor Pounding
A storm of meteorites that pounded Earth and Mars four billion years ago may have made the planets warmer and wetter. Regis: "Boy, if you think things are bad NOW? We really had it rough."
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Government In Death Throes
Harriet Harman has attempted to dismiss speculation about Gordon Brown's future as the government faced accusations it is in its "death throes". But opposition claims that "his eyes are set."
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Mr Brown Banker
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has been revealed to be the Banker on TV show Deal or No Deal.At least we now know what he did with tax money.
written by Qwerty123, 03 June 2009
Al-Qaeda Denounces Obama
A message attributed to the deputy leader of al-Qaeda has denounced Barack Obama as a "mean old badie" on the eve of the US president's Middle East trip.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Greeland Elections Over
The left-wing Inuit Ataqatigiit (Community of the People, IA) party has won Greenland's parliamentary elections, 210 to 195, official results show.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Inmate Doesn't Want To See Wife
A Mississippi inmate has refused to see his wife on her visit. "I've already got one old ball and chain in here now!"
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Spark To Euro Elections
Former models and anti-Islamic firebrands are among some 9,000 candidates in the European election this week. But can they quicken the pulse of Europe's apathetic voters? Who knows? Who cares?
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Big Treasure Hunt In NZ
A spurned suitor in New Zealand has found an unusual way to dispose of his unwanted engagement ring - by holding a treasure hunt. Somali pirates already on their way to New Zealand.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Robotic Sub Reaches New Depth
A robotic sub called Nereus has reached the deepest-known part of the ocean. Sends back photos of big guy down there with something that looks like a pitchfork.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
US Nuclear Sites Posted
A document providing confidential details of US civilian nuclear sites was accidentally posted on the internet, the government has admitted. VP Joe Biden brought in for questioning.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Obama In Mid-East
US President Barack Obama is heading to the Middle East on a visit aimed at increasing US engagement with the Islamic world. Hold hands with Saudi King.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Hard Hit Auto States
Cabinet officials head to hard-hit auto states. Most hit are in wrecks in California due to speed, Florida due to constant left turn signal blinking.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
Obama Open For Taxing
Obama said to be open to taxing health benefits, food, housing, cars, gas, tennis shoes, sex, water and air.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
US Divided
Poll: US divided over torture, closing Guantanamo, firing everybody in Washington and starting all over.
written by Bureau, 03 June 2009
MP Scandel
Another MP has been exposed.He used £5000 tax money to fund his spaceship project and £1000 to pay for his daughters bail.
written by Qwerty123, 03 June 2009
Milton Keynes Voyeur Caught!
The police arrested an Asian man in Milton Keynes today, for looking into people's windows. He was a Peking Tom.
written by IN SEINE, 03 June 2009
