Iran In-Fighting Dirty
Fighting in Iran getting worse as both side turn to gorilla warfare and fling mounds of pooh at each other.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
The Unclean War
Mullahs, Rabbis rule that nobody is kosher as both Israel and Palestinians send herds of pigs scurrying across borders.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
The Most Astonishing Australian Kangaroo in History
A rancher in Australia says he's found a kangaroo that has four pockets. The rancher has the kangaroo on a leash and says he comes in handy for holding tools, a thermos, and his lunchbox.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Obama Dealing With NKorea
President Obama promises a huge food deal with North Korea if their next missile will accidentally land on Iranian nuclear facilities. "Surely you're not afraid of Iran, are you Flathead my man?"
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
The Runnerup Singer Formerly Known As Susan Boyle
Britain's Got Talent runnerup Susan Boyle says that she will be changing the spelling of her last name. Boyle said that she will change it to Boil, which is more in keeping with her personality.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Nader Ready To Roll
"Ball Of Fire" Ralph Nader says that he's up, extremely motivated and that he's gathering steam as he heads toward the 2012 presidential election!
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Amy Winehouse And Her Non-Eyeliner
Amy Winehouse is extremely upset with the Revlon Makeup Company for rejecting her Amy Winehouse Unique Eyeliner. A Revlon rep said that it was horrible and that even witches wouldn't use it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Norway Needs A Bailout
Norway has requested that the United States provide it with a bailout since it's economy is being devastated by the sardine flu epidemic.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Most On The Ball
A new poll of Americans on what citizen has the most on the ball? President Obama? Nope. It's Lance Armstrong.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Old Riddle Update
Guns from America fuel Jamaica's gang wars. Money from selling Jamaica guns buys American's fuel. Sales of drugs bring Jamaica food. How do we carry them across ocean if only 2 can be carried at once?
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Greener Is Better
Greener diet reduces dairy cows' methane burps. "Greener is good, yes. But whatever you do, don't let them eat wild onions!"
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Republicans Cheer Obama Statement
Republicans soften criticism of Obama after statement on Iran. "they are the Klingons of our society today".
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Obama's Approval Rating Slips to 99%
According to a new White House-sponsored Gallup Poll, only 99 percent of Americans approve of Obama's actions as president. This poll has a 2 percent margin of error.
written by Jordan Baugher, 21 June 2009
Those Golden Oldies
Sudden unexpected adult diaper drop and foot entanglement fall during dance under the Shining Ball, ruins what had been, up-till-then, a great first date at AARP Event.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Gone To The Dogs
Lost street dog in New York City gets to third base with leg of passed out wino in the alley.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Lots Of Jerks
Hypnotist's new trick at high school gym event, has some unexpected results to his calling them to show the kind of jerks they are. School out for the day. Kids brought out from hypnosis, embarrassed.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
So That's It
The US FBI says that the reason that North Korea's leader, Kim Jung Il is pissed at America all of a sudden is his losing in the first round of American Idol.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Betting Worse Than Cheating?
Pete Rose admits he is guilty of betting on which future Hall of Fame baseball inductee told steroids.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Obama's New Plans
President Barack Obamo say that his new plan for universal insurance will double the real income of the average American by ten percent.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Biden Being Biden
Vice President Biden blabs that there's no nuclear weapons in half of our silos out west, no gold at Fort Knox, Obama has huge hemorrhoid problem & that is Elvis' twin, Jesse, buried at Graceland.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
NY Times Report
New York Times: Counter-terrorism is being hampered by rivalry between FBI, CIA, ATF, New York Post!
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Whoever It Is, Leave Him Alone
According to recently discovered records in Chicago, the real Barack Obama died in 1982 from a gangster hit. So who is that in the White House?
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Bi-Polar Expedition Canceled
Bi-Polar expedition canceled after explorers kept changing their minds about heading towards North, South Poles.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Belt-Tightening Time
After several months of belt-tightening man dies after lower half of his body goes numb during the night.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
America Leads The World
Study: Fat and obese Americans lead the world in carpel tunnel syndrome, due to constant hand to mouth motions.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Mrs. Clause Rescued
Mrs. Santa Clause, just rescued from off a drifting ice floe, says her old man's had a heat stroke.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
I'm Glad I Didn't Know
Just now released by CIA: Former President Bush told the wrong nuclear launch codes to Obama, mixing them up with his social security number. Obama just missed nuking Washington.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Obama's New Book
President Barack Obama says he will have a new book coming out this December entitled "The Audacity of Perpetual Debt".
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
NYC restaurant buys tained cookie dough
"Rats love cookie dough ice cream and we've got a rat problem," said the restaurant owner. "It just seems like a no-brainer..."
written by Robin Berger, 21 June 2009
Cookie Dough ice cream kills "AskKaren.gov" medical expert
The civil servant known to many as "AskKaren.gov" will be "sorely missed," said the US Surgeon General, who performed the autopsy that confirmed salmonella poisoning...
written by Robin Berger, 21 June 2009
RIAA orders iTunes to raise song prices
"$80,000 is the going rate for a single musical composition," said RIAA spokesperson Cara Duckworth. "That even goes for the tune Clint Eastwood sang in 'Paint Your Wagon'..."
written by Robin Berger, 21 June 2009
Stonehenge Centre Not Approved
The proposed visitors Centre for Stonehenge cannot be approved because it lies about 1 1/2 miles to the west. Pedantic Planners say; "That's not in the centre of World Heritage Site,is it!?"
written by IN SEINE, 21 June 2009
The Identity of the Stig Has Been Revealed!
The Stig from BBC's Top Gear is now known to be 2 very old, and grumpy, dyslexic Midgets. Formerly known as the 'GITS', a comedy circus act, they came out of retirement and signed up for the show.
written by IN SEINE, 21 June 2009
North Korea Nixes Hawaiian Missile Target, Its Second Choice Is...
North Korea has changed its mind and says it will not launch a missile towards Hawaii. It will instead launch a missile towards Alaska because it is about 300 miles closer.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
The Little Irish Lass with Over Two Dozen Cell Phones
A 12-year-old girl in Dublin, Ireland owns 29 cell phones. When asked why she has 29 cell phones she replied because she cannot afford to have 30.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
The Most Popular Childrens' School Lunchbox
A survey of the nation's lunch box manufacturers finds that the most popular school lunchbox is the Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana Lunchbox. The least popular is the Ann Coulter Giddy-Up Lunchbox.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Joe Plumber's Name
It's a little late but yesterday it was discovered that Joe The Plumber's actual middle name is not "The" after all, but "Ahmadinejad".
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Economy, Pimps Hit Prostitutes Hard
New York City has announced that the economy is so bad there that pimps are driving the sidewalks on segways.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
More Swine Flu
More than 100 new cases of swine flu have emerged in the West Midlands. Whole area may have to be roped off and quarantined, say experts.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Kids Out Of Hand
An MP was beaten up by a group of youths after he tried to stop them from playing hopscotch in the street. Will "conkers" be next?
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Top Forty Shake-Up
The Top 40 is facing a shake-up as chart bosses consider incorporating songs from music streaming sites, drunks in alley ways, dumpsters.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
New Mexico Spaceport
Work starts on New Mexico spaceport. All alien labor used from UFO landings in Roswell.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Self-Rule Declared
The Arctic island of Greenland is assuming self-rule, in the latest step towards independence from Denmark, says only resident.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
May Be Forced To Resign
Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has challenged the opposition to prove claims that he abused his position to help a friend's kid's lemonade stand business.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Ten Killed In Iran Crashes
At least 10 people were killed when police clashed with "terrorists" in Tehran on Saturday, state TV says. The other 122 were from natural causes.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Museum Guard Mourned
Mourners remember slain Holocaust museum guard. May build small museum in front of museum.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Clinton, Bush Disagree
Clinton: Push for racial equality far from over. Bush: But I've personally seen women racing at NASCAR!
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Not Dressed As Deceased Mother
NY man denies he dressed as dead mother in scam. "It was my that of my Aunt Rose. Mother would not be caught dead with that color of lipstick."
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
US Iran Exports Up
United States exports to Iran up in Obama's first months, especially plutonium. "They'll get it from somewhere", states President. "We may as well make a few bucks."
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
North Korea Protests
North Korea protests United States nuclear defense of South Korea, people mocking their stupid leader.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
National Swine Flu Day
October first selected for National Swine Flu Mourners Day and pig nose-shaped masks to be worn, just before flu season.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Solstice At Stonehenge
Pagans, party goers and a mixed-up ground hog greet the summer solstice at Stonehenge.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Bomb Has Signature
Iraqi police say bombing has al-Qaida signature. "They always use the capital "A" in "al"
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Historians Uncover the First Prize Winner
Historians have found that the man (or was it a woman?) who invented the doorknocker was the first Nobel prizewinner.
written by norma snockers, 21 June 2009
Peanuts are peanuts
After 7 years of extensive reasearch, it has been revealed that peanuts are, indeed, peanuts.
written by Holomanga, 21 June 2009
Mickey D's and The Denver Cop
A Denver police officer pulled his gun at a McDonald's Restaurant because his order was taking to long. Witnesses heard him say, "Nobody move, or the ketchup dispenser gets it."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
The Bo Obama "First Pooch" Baseball Trading Card
Bo Obama, the nation's "First Pooch" is featured on a baseball trading card. Baseball experts say it's a very popular card and that one Bo Obama is worth five Jose Canseco cards.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Al Gore's Global Warming Proof
To backup his proof that global warming is a very real thing, Al Gore has just released a dozen photos showing North Pole penguins with beads of sweat underneath their wings.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 June 2009
Apples, Avocados & Wine
Why apples, avocados and a glass of red wine could ease your arthritis, four glasses of wine make it disappear completely for a time.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Laser-Guided Cars
Lasers-guided cars could allow drivers to eat, sleep at the wheel, take a pee, wipe our butts, all while travelling in 70mph convoys
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Chef Still Missing
Revealed: Missing chef Claudia's had relations with '400 different men, then split!'
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
International Brotherhood of Frogs Pickets PETA Headquarters
An army of frogs led by Hermit (Kermit's brother) picketed PETA headquarters and chanted "Death to Flies." Large placards proclaimed "Stay Out of Our Food Chain" and "Who Elected You Grand Amphibian."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 June 2009
Police Easy On Homeless
Police are told to go easy on the homeless in case they are disguised TV stars doing a documentary. Naked man says he's "one of those docu chaps".
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Registrar Demoted
Registrar demoted to receptionist because she refused to marry gay couples. "Would you two freaks have a seat while the new Registrar finishes up?"
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
MP's Petty Cash Cows
The petty cash cow: MPs claimed up to £250 every month for tea, coffee, someone to burp them, and staplers
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
Brits In Uproar!
British government spells end of 'i before e' rule! 'I' Gangs joined by English teachers take to the streets, demanding they have ALWAYS come first! Brown government may fall!
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
"Mule" Widows Give OK
Baucus, White House in deal with drug industry. "Mule" widows were the last holdouts, but will no be compensated in case of accidental leakage, deaths.
written by Bureau, 21 June 2009
