The Fargo Protestors
A group of protestors gathered outside the Fargo, North Dakota City Hall protesting those individuals who protest.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Cigarette Sales Are In The Toilet
The National Tobacco Industry reports cigarette sales have dropped by 300 percent. A top executive states that they have got to find a way to be able to say that cigarette smoking is good for you.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
The Girl Scout Cookies Are History
The American Girl Scout Organization in an effort to bring in more revenue will be discontinuing their Girl Scout Cookies and replacing them with Girl Scout Frozen T-Bone Steaks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
The Al-Qaeda Tourists
Many Al-Qaeda members are leaving Pakistan because it is getting extremely crowded. The CIA reports that many are planning on moving to Montana.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
False Saltwater Advertising
A Florida marine biologist has discovered that salt water is made up of more sugar than salt. But says that it would cost a small fortune to replace all of the saltwater signs with sugarwater signs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Norfolk When Prounouced Correctly Is...
The Norfolk Southern Railroad will be changing the first word in their name. When pronounced correctly in TV ads the name is heard as "Nor-F*ck Southern." The name Norfolk will be changed to Norscrew.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
The Former Fisherman's Wharf
The city of San Francisco has decided to change the name of The Fisherman's Wharf to the more acceptable Fisherperson's Wharf.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
A Biologist Names A Butterfly After His Wife
A biologist in Ireland discovers a new butterfly. He names it after his wife. The butterfly has gold colored wings with tiny blue shaped diamonds. The Hey Bitch butterfly is very pretty indeed.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
California - The State With Three Miss Californias?
Tina Farrell replaces Carrie Prejean as the new Miss California. Right away Farrell says that marriage is between a man and a woman only. Trump reportedly yelled out, "Shit, not again!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Prune Juice Comes In Damn Handy
An elderly woman in Cody, Nebraska reported that her fire extinguisher caught fire. She said that luckily she was able to put the fire out by pouring three gallons of prune juice on it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Polish Mailman Arrested
Police in Lublin, Poland arrested a Polish mailman for impersonationg a Polish letter carrier. Hmmmmm.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Thatcher falls over, breaks arm
London: Former Prime Minster Baroness Margaret Thatcher fell today and broke her arm at her home.
Reports coming in are that the chair she fell onto was smashed to smitherines.
written by Not The Nine O'clock News, 12 June 2009
Keeping Women Happy
Researchers have discovered that many women are only happy with a man's company when she owns it.
written by IN SEINE, 12 June 2009
Obama Welcomes Bill To Regulate Tobacco
From now on, all cigars that are to go to market shall be first assessed by former President, Bill Clinton.
written by Wire Piddle, 12 June 2009
Monopolies Commission
The Monopolies Commission is to take itself to court.
written by Blazing Saddle, 12 June 2009
Tragic incident - Large Hardon Collider misunderstanding
A gathering of gay men at a well known "dogging" site on the Swiss/French border are believed to have misread the project name.
written by Blazing Saddle, 12 June 2009
Madonna "Snipes" Angelina
Child auction wars heat up as Madonna win's Malawi bid; set to begin Buy, Buy Baby Tour
written by FromTheBunker, 12 June 2009
New Truman Monument
Missouri has made Farmdale, the boyhood playground of Harry S. Truman a national monument showing the statue of the former President as a child dropping a water balloon on some Japanese Beetles.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
MASH Final Episode
On this day in 1983 the last MASH episode was aired after viewers threatening of Alan Alda that, if he complained one more time, he was dead meat.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
DNA Evidence Conclusive
New DNA evidence collaborates relative's story of those that were blown to ashes in 1940's included their Crazy Uncle Fred, who was camping out in the Nevada desert when atomic bomb tested.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Death Valley To Erupt?
Geologists in Death Valley in the United States say that the great hole in the earth may be sitting on top of a great volcano.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Lone Star State?
Texas, the Lone Star state, has been ordered by the Obama administration to allow other stars to appear in the sky there.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Will Boyle Be Ready?
Britain's Got Talent fans are waiting to hear whether runner-up Susan Boyle will take part in the show's live tour, which starts in Birmingham soon, as at present time, she's still sucking her toes.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Swine Flu, It's Out There
The number of confirmed cases of swine flu in the UK has reached 909, Health Secretary Andy Burnham has said. Unconfirmed cases have now reach two million.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Ono Wins Mojo
John Lennon's widow, 155-year-old Yoko Ono has received a lifetime achievement honour at the Mojo magazine awards in London, the first music prize of her career.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Tears for Blears?
The ex-communities Secretary, Hazel Blears is to form a pop group called 'Tears for Blears' and her hits will include a cover of the Stranglers hit 'Gordon Brown' and will be broadcast on YouTube.
written by IN SEINE, 12 June 2009
Madonna Has Mercy
Madonna has won her appeal to adopt a second child from Malawi, the country's highest court has ruled. Invited to come back and take pick in new litter.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
At It Again
Rihanna, Chris Brown seen at basketball game, snuggling, throwing hot cups of coffee, spraying mustard at each other.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Habitat For Seals, Locals
The Hawaiian Islands have been named habitat for endangered seal species, native Islanders.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Suspected Murderer Changes
Suspect in mass chain saw murder of a dozen people to change plea, clothes.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Rubble Blown Up Again
In Afghanistan, the tenth suicide-bomber in a month hits same pile of rubble in what psychiatrists are calling "The Lemming Effect"
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Maybe Next Year
Best Places to Live 2009 in America once again leaves out Trenton, New Jersey, Cleveland, Ohio, Possum Hollow, Kentucky!
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Analog Came Trouble
Confusion expected as analog TV broadcasts end. Police to stay extra shift until expected riots die down.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Palin Returns Barbs
Sarah Palin says David Letterman owes an apology to young women across the country for his joke about her daughter, and that his mother needs to quit stalking A-Rod.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
New Element Enters Table
New, super heavy emotional element to now enter the periodic table once a month.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Chastity Bono Becomes A Man
Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. His new name will be Sonny Bono, Junior. "And the meat goes on."
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Swine Flu Vaccine Ready
Novartis says produces first batch of H1N1 vaccine made from an extract from mountain oysters.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Heavy Iranian Turn-Out
Heavy turnout predicted as Iranians vote. At present, it's 125,611 to 1 in favor of Ahdmadinejad whose men are, at this moment, challenging the lone voter against him.
written by Bureau, 12 June 2009
Green Bay QB Dispute Explained
Green Bay offered $30,000,000 for Obama at Quater Back. Obama refused to take more than $400,000. GB GM Ted Thompson:"We couldn't do it. We'd be laughed out of the NFL!"
written by Adam Click, 12 June 2009
DQ & BK Mayo and Mustard All The Way
Dairy Queen and Burger King are planning a merger. Their new name will be The King & Queen of Dairy Burgers.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
A Box of Rodeo Bubblegum Trading Cards
Michelle Obama said that one of the White House maids was cleaning underneath one of the beds and she found a stash of rodeo bubblegum trading cards that George Bush forgot to take with him.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Phil Spector's Wig She Is How You Say...Gone!
Jailers have confiscated Phil Spector's wig. Word on the cell block is that they plan to give it to Senator John "Comb-Over" McCain.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
John "The Pusher" McCain
Supreme court nominee Sonia Sotomayor admits that Senator John McCain pushed her in the hallway causing her injury.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Gillette, Wyoming Closes Their Jail
The Sheriff of Gillette said that the county cannot afford to keep the jail open anymore. He stated that any prisoners will now be sent down to Caspar or else they'll just be shot.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
Nogales, Arizona - "Spanish Speaking Prohibited"
Due to the swine flu epidemic the town council of Nogales, Arizona has issued a proclamation prohibiting anyone from speaking Spanish within the city limits. They say that it is simply a precaution.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 June 2009
