Week-Long Sex Ban
Women's activist groups in Kenya have slapped their partners with a week-long sex ban in protest over the infighting in the national government. In response, 37 of Obama's brothers head for states.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Obama Reveals Solution
President Obama has just uncovered a golden calf at the White House Rose Garden & tells reporters, "Right here's the answer to the bad economy, Swine Flu, joblessness, bad home loans. All Right here!"
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
France Had Swine Flu
France announces two cases of the Swine Flu there. One was reported by a public-minded citizen when he noticed his neighbor crying "Oui! Oui! Oui!" all the way home.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Gordon Brown to appear on front cover of Nutz magazine.
Gordon Brown the jobbing PM is set to boost his career, by appearing in skimpy clothes for Nutz magazine.
The shoot is to raise Gordon's profile among males aged 7-51 who think he is Su-Bo.
written by Khadija, 29 April 2009
Piers Morgan is famous at last- he retires!
BGT has announced he will retire as he is now famous. His hold career has been a cry for attention, but now he has been seen by over 100 million people because of Su-Bo he will take up dominoes.
written by Khadija, 29 April 2009
Simon Cow-bell to do 'something' about his face!
Simon Cow-bell money milking genius- is to do something about his face, which is just strange looking. He doesn't know what yet, but 'something' will be happening in the near future.
written by Khadija, 29 April 2009
Swine flu still 'intimidating' Chris Moyles!
Pork-fat DJ Chris Moyles, is still in hiding from swine-flu. Friends say he has lost 40 stone in order to fool the pig's version of 'death'- but he sadly still looks fat and is fooling no-one.
written by Khadija, 29 April 2009
The Good Charlotte Guy's Tattoos
British Airways made Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden cover up his tattoos before boarding his flight. Meanwhile the rumor that Delta Airlines made Amy Winehouse cover up her face are not true.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Double-Crossing Easter Bunny
The Easter Bunny that recently participated in The White House Easter Egg Roll has admitted that he is a Republican. Word is that he is now in the government's Witness Protection Program For Rabbits.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Mick Jagger Lookalike Lips Contest
Lisa Rinna has just won "The Mick Jagger Lookalike Lips" Contest for the third year in a row. Lisa reportedly said that she was so proud and that she did it all without steroids.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Egyptian Pyramid Builders Invented Condoms
Condoms were first invented by the Egyptian pyramid builders so that women workers would not get pregnant and have to take six weeks off from work. The first condoms were called spider webs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Former Republican Senator Arlen Specter
Republican Arlen Specter of Pennyslvania has switched parties. He is now a Democrat. Reporters say that so far Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity together have shed about 2,411 teardrops.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
Tarzan - The Original Swinger
The reason that Tarzan was able to swing through those vines in Africa so effortlessly was due to the fact that he took anabolic steroids. Apparently they were purchased from a baseball player.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
Madonna's Birthday Candles
Madonna filed a lawsuit against The National Requirer. The paper stated that she was 72-years-old. The National Requirer has since apologized and stated that she's actually only 67.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
Just Like The Old Linda Ronstadt Song
Kate Moss has revealed that her weight loss was due to going on "The Lindsay Lohan Diet," which is known in the diet world as "The Look At Me, Poor Poor Pitiful Me Diet."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
Pass The Hellmann's Please
Because of extreme pressure from the Catholic Church, the name Hellmann's Mayonnaise is being changed to Infernomann's Mayonnaise.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Peter Pan Change
Due to the recent salmonella scare the Peter Pan Peanut Butter name will be changed to Peter Pan Peanut Juice.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
The Actress Once Known As Uma
Actress Uma Thurman says that she likes President Barack Obama so much that she is planning on changing her name to Obuma Thurman.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 April 2009
Egyptians Invented Golf?
Archaeologists in Egypt say that the Egyptians may have invented the game of golf many centuries before the Scottish as they have dug up the world's largest sand trap.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Could Further Hurt Sales
Los Angeles officials inspecting bank-closed houses discover that almost half are now littered with squatter's pee and feces.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
This Day In Massachusetts
On this day in 1690 Massachusetts, hundreds of children were hauled in before Cotton Mather to be disciplined for previous nights trial run of first American Halloween.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Texas Border Town Busy
Small Texas border town reports three drive-by shootings, two drive-over vehicular homicides and two hundred drive-in munchies orders as Mexican Drug War continues.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Shamed Sugar Cereal
Named and shamed: The cereals with more sugar than a bowl of ice cream warning goes right over the head of those eating ice cream sprinkled with sugar cereal.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
NHS: Shortage Of Facemasks
NHS under strain as doctors warn of lack of anti-viral drugs and shortage of facemasks. Recommend digging out of old Halloween costumes.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
More Swine Flu In Britain
A 12-year-old girl is among five people in the UK who have contracted swine flu after visiting Mexico, the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has confirmed, as efforts continue to keep swine flu penned up.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Solomon Islands Seeking Truth, Wisdom
Thousands of Solomon Islanders have attended the launch of a national truth and reconciliation commission in the capital, Queen Of Sheba.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
The average Briton has only 3 friends
A survey shows the average Briton has only 3 friends who they can rely on. Of course those with Schizophrenia or Multiple Personality Disorder have many, many more. But they're not average are they?
written by IN SEINE, 29 April 2009
Taking Aspirin Can Help
Taking aspirin in your 40s could cut the risk of cancer later in life, a review of research suggests. Bayer manufacturers, who did study, recommend Levitra after 50.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
U.S. CyberSecurity A Bit Lacking
America's cybersecurity has been described as "broken" by one industry expert and as "childlike" by another, as "Donkey Kong Virus" knocks out Rocky Mountain nuclear site.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Pakistan Recovers Key Town
The Pakistan army says it has taken control of a key town in Buner district in the north, a day after starting an offensive against the Taleban. Hope to recover keys given to Taleban from other towns.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
He's Only Human
An indicted war criminal is playing a leading role in the UN mission in the Republic of Congo, according to documents seen by the BBC. But many say man with name like Bosco couldn't be all that bad.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Mexicans Rely On Masks
Mexicans put faith in masks, but do they work? Many claim that the one of Richard Nixon scares off Swine Flu germs best.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Obama's 100th Day
President Obama to spend 100th day in spotlight, unlike the other 99. Plans to test nuclear missile in Nevada desert to get a little attention, show off a bit.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Americans Breathing Unhealthy Air
Report: Most Americans in areas with unhealthy air. Sends many families packing and heading for Alaskan wilderness.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Latest News Shockers
North Korea threatens nuclear, missile tests. New TV season to have some new shows. Pirates probably chasing down cruise ship right now. Iran threatens Israel, which doesn't exist. Yada yada yada.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Big Oil Takes Hit
Shell 1Q profit down 62 percent to $3.49 billion. Spokesman says he hates the idea, but might have to return to gas costing $4.00 per gallon.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
Retirees To Receive Checks
50 million U.S. retirees to get $250 checks in May. Most plan to blow it on emergency food & water supplies, duct tape.
written by Bureau, 29 April 2009
