KFC Keeps The Old Pecker Up
Kentucky Fried Chicken sales are up in the first quarter since introducing, "The Big Pecker" to it's list of products. Also popular with the workers, "Have you tried the 'Big Pecker' today?"
Queen Apparently Amused
Asked if she had been listening to the new iPod that the Obamas had given her as a gift, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen replied, "Immediately after chucking the royal 8-track" & chuckled a bit.
Obama's Turkish Attempt Fails
Barack Obama's attempt at speaking Turkish fails as "Your beautiful art museum I attended today is a good one" comes out "I've got quite an artistic fellow in my pants who is a good one."
New drug dangerous for women
A pharmaceutical company has failed to be granted a licence because it is causing women to join a convent. The FDA advise that it is a bit habit-forming.
Pope Benedict declares its not a sin to kiss a nun
The Pope has ruled that it is not a sin to kiss a nun as long as you don't get into the habit.
McDonald's are forced to introduce economy range
Because of the fall in the economy, burger giant, McDonald's are to introduce the new economy range. It will include the 'Mini Mac' & Fry or the quarter-ouncer it was announced today.
Clap On, Clap Off!
After horrible accident, OSHA orders all highway construction crews to change signs from "Please Turn Off Radios, Blasting In Area" to include "Or Clappers".
Judge orders Suha Arafat, the late Yasser's wife, to cough up over one million dollars that was originally intended for Ringo Star.
Julia Child, Agent #008
Other WWII spies say Julia Child's favorite way of getting the goods on enemy spies was by going through their trash cans at night while dressed up like a big raccoon.
Couric Cautioned By CBS
CBS News Anchor, Katie Couric apparently has one too many Starbucks Cafe Lattes, does evening news in three minutes while bouncing up and down in her chair.
Another Cruise Problem
Disney Cruise ship comes back to port after only one day out after Captain refuses to remove his coonskin cap and cursing Santa Ana.
Nader Really Flipped This Time?
Friends of Ralph Nader say he's losing it. So what's new about that? For one, he's hired a detective to follow himself to see what he's been up to lately.
Whole Body Scans Available
TSA Whole Body Airport Scans are now available to everyone on their new "Pay For View" Cable Channel to offset increasing costs of flying, allow for free peanuts once again.
No More "War On Terror"
The White House has announced that they will stops using the Bush Administration phrase "War on Terror" and replace it with, "Yes We Can Catch Bin Laden".
Amazing Nostradamus Prediction
Amazingly, Nostradamus predicted that on April 6th, 2009 you would be reading something called a Snippet on something called The Spoof!!!
Obama Does It Again!
NATO falls victim to the Barack Obama charm. Commits 5,000 new Moral Supporters to Afghanistan.
Bank Of America Changing Names
Bank of America credit card holders have been informed that they will soon be issued new cards and that they are changing their name to The Bank Of The Congressional Committee's Approval.
NKorea Tells People, Good News!
North Korea has announced that the first half of rock launch went exactly where aimed, into the ocean. However, they are now negotiated for remains with Somalia pirates.
New American Made Cars Coming Out
The Ford Motor Company will be getting out a new hybrid this fall that they are calling the AIG. This one should keep us on the charts, says spokesman. Meanwhile GMC will introduce the Ginnie Mae!
Gingrich Recalls "W"
Newt Gingrich tells reporters that, while he liked George W. Bush a lot and still does, he had gotten a little tired of being called Nuke Gunrich.
Obama Not Clinton
Attendants on Air Force One say Preasident Obama is fun to be around but that Bill Clinton's Air Force One Mile-High Club was the best ever.
"The Whitest Woman in America" Award
The NCAWP, (North Carolina Association For White People) has named Australian actress Nicole Kidman as this year's recipient of its "Whitest Woman in America" award. Second place went to Marcia Cross.
Eliot "I Did Not Have Sex All That Often" Spitzer
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer revealed he did not sleep with prostitutes all that often. Oh...heck I guess everyone was just under the false impression that he was sleeping with sluts 24/7.
Marley Inducted Into R&R Hall Of Fame
Bob Marley being inducted certificate into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland was presented to his zombie, BRAINS Marley.
Madonna A Little Down
Friends say Madonna is so upset over losing her Malawi adoption attempt, she's cried herself into three face lifts.
The Earthquake-Fearin' Bears
National Park officials have disclosed that because of the earthquakes that hit Yellowstone National Park back in January a total of 14 bears willingly turned themselves in to The San Diego Zoo.
Claire Balding not sorry for the teeth remark
BBC sport presenter, Claire Balding, is not sorry for making the remark about the Grand National winner's teeth. "I was talking to the horse, Mon Mome, and not the rider" she said today.
Once A Con Artist Always A Con Artist
Bernard Madoff has been placed in solitary confinement because he was caught running an illegal opening day baseball sports pool which netted him $4,000.
Rush "The Crayfishing" Limbaugh
GOP mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh is now doing a little backpedaling. He says he never said he hoped Obama fails. He says he said, I hope Obama sails. As like on a ship as opposed to Air Force One.
The Youthful Regis & The Blonde Kelly
"Live With Regis And Kelly" co-host Regis Philbin, who is 94, has just signed a contract to do the show for another ten years. Kelly, true to her blonde tradition, only put 89 candles on the cake.
Gov. Sarah Palin's Secret War Plans
Gov. Palin stated that due to all of the ex-future in-law problems she is having with Levi and his mother and now with husband Todd's half-sister, she's decided to cancel Alaska's invasion of Russia.
West Virginia wants to ban the dangerous sport of NASCAR. They say that they'll replace it with the dangerous sport of Cousin Datin'.
El Donaldo Trump Fires Two Women
Donald Trump fired two celebrities from "The Celebrity Apprentice." Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins and Khloe Kardashian. Khloe was fired because she has a big butt and Tionne was fired because she's Black.
The Brazilian Waxing Alternative
Due to the skyrocketing cost of wax, most of Brazil's beauty salons are planning to discontinue Brazilian waxing. They plan to replace it with Brazilian plucking.
Carnie "The Yo-Yo Dieter" Wilson
Wilson Phillips member Carnie Wilson, 40, discloses that she is pregnant. Her doctor says that she weighs 493 lbs. Wilson says, it's really no big deal because 350 pounds of it is just water weight.
Cloned Cat Problems
Scientists report having trouble with cloned cat as it keeps confusing cat box with food dish and always lands on his ass.
Soup Drops Toy
The Campbell's Soup Company has decided to drop their idea of getting more kids to eat a healthy meal by placing a toy in every can.
NYC Mayor Accused
New York City Mayor Bloomberg accused of fixing Gambino family tickets for garroting people.
Drunken mother caught drinking, eating burger, talking on cell phone and breastfeeding while driving in Australia.
Woman Jailed After Flasely Accusing Ex-Husband
Estranged wife jailed for falsely accusing husband of sex attack. Says she was frustrated because he would never sexual attack her while they were married.
Swindling Widow Caught
Swindling widow claimed £40,000 from husband's pension 13 years after he died. Claims he is "still alive in my heart".
Algerian May Be Deported This Time
Back again: Deported twice but Algerian bag thief saunters in to Britain for the SECOND time in two years under present name, ten times earlier under fake identity of John Doe from Kokomo.
Local man says that his great idea of bringing an inflatible friend to his party in Peoria, Illinois was going great until a few pinheads arrived.
Woody Allen Thrown Out Of Deli
Woody Allen thrown out of New York City deli after continuing to point at meatloaf and barking, asking it to "sit up" and "roll Over".
Unemployed Being Humiliated
Unemployed invited to take part in 'humiliating' Easter egg hunt - to win job application forms. Others to try luck with surprise forms in cereal boxes, treasure hunts.
U.N. Warns NKorea, "We'll Talk You To Death"
U.N Ambassador Susan Rice says the U.S. is asking the United Nations for "a clear and strong response" to North Korea's missile launch, while North Korean ambassador rolls on floor with laughter.
Obama Shows He's A Rookie
President Obama touts growing friendship with Turkey. Uses new chickenshit approach to nuclear weapons.
Berlusconi News Blackout!
Silvio Berlusconi threatens news blackout after reports of latest gaffes after Italian leader forgets to wear pants to formal dinner.
Obama Poll Really Mixed
Partisan Gap in Obama job approval widest in modern era as Liberals approval 80%, conservatives 20%. May indicant President Idiot/Savant.
Geithner The Gatherer
US Treasury Secretary Geithner says he is prepared to oust executives at banks that require "exceptional" government assistance. Refuses banks payments of loans, wants all under continued control!
Larry King Hospitalized
CNN announces that Larry King is resting well in a New York City hospital after getting his suspenders tangled up in his mike and guest, Rosie O'Donnell.
Barney Franks Sues
Usual chums Barney Frank and Bill Clinton have had a falling out as Frank accuses the former president for sexual harassment.
Teachers Finally Get Raise
Teacher's pay finally raised in Kentucky after Physical Ed. teacher and family discovered living under the bleachers.
Poor In Math Created Tax Problems
Still another Obama drops out of appointment to cabinet because of income tax problems. "I almost failed math in college", stated unnamed nominee.