Obama - "Motown's For Me!"
Obama -"Me Motown Buddies vs Elvis - No Competition - The White King is Dead - The Black Guys n Gals are Alive and Kicking!"
Source - US White House - Snoop Bug Transmitter 103
written by iscrivener, 16 April 2009
EPA to Ban Environmentalists
An EPA ban on environmentalists is being considered. It would save US tax dollars, stop the oral generation of greenhouse gases such as CO2 and hot air, and avoid the need to clean up toxic bullshit.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 16 April 2009
Obama - New "Voodoo" Toy Dolls Ban!
Following the launch of the Obama "Toy Dolls" President Obama has threatened to ban the dolls, tax Neo Pagans to the hilt and imprison all white US Wiccans!
Source - Earth Religion News 16/04/09
written by iscrivener, 16 April 2009
What The HMS Titanic Really Hit
The HMS Titanic sank 97 years ago. Many believed that she hit an iceberg. But the truth is that she actually hit a sperm whale, but back then (1912) it was against the law to use the word sperm.
Mighty Have Fallen
Friends of once famous comedy star Michael Richards, who once received $1 million an episode for Seinfeld TV Show, say he's down to doing knock-knock jokes of PBS's 2 A.M. kid's show, Little Dickens.
The Unlucky Somali Pirates
The Somali Pirates luck just keeps on getting worse. Now comes word from CNN that the Somali Pirates have just been caught with 80,000 pirated CD's.
Rihanna's Misspelled Tattoo
Rihanna's most recent tattoo is misspelled. When asked about it she replied, "Well that's why I prefer picture tattoos. My previous tattoo was of a gun...you can't misspell a gun can you?"
The New Roman Coliseum
Rome is facing a financial crisis due to a drop in tourism. The mayor states that last year only 296 people visited the Roman Coliseum. So he has decided to remodel it and turn it into a mall.
The Brilliant General Motors Recall
General Motors is recalling 1.5 million automobiles because of a potential for an engine fire. An inside source says that it is all a ploy and that GM is going to sell the 1.5 million cars to Cuba.
The Britney "The Blonde" Spears
Britney Spears apparently forgot where she was as she greeted her concert audience in San Jose with "What's up Sacramento?" Several audience members quickly replied, "Nothing Jessica (Simpson)."
Two Weren't Amused
Two people died at the Seven Stars Amusement Park Sunday when something went wrong with the Dick Cheney Wild Bird Ride!
Phyllis Diller's Dictionary
Th Dictionary of The English Language is celebrating its 254th birthday. In fact Phyllis Diller still has a copy of the dictionary she had back in college. But back then it only contained 137 words.
The Downsized Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe says he's decided to downsize. He sold his $4.3 million home and bought a $3.9 million home. He sold his Lamborghini and bought a Humvee. And he is dropping the "E" from his last name.
Fly The Unfriendly Skies of United
United Airlines says that it will start charging overweight people double. Okay, so does that mean that anorexic people will get a 50 percent discount?
Chrysler On The Brink of Bankruptcy
To keep from seeing Chrysler go bankrupt, Chrysler employees have agreed to take a paycut from $70 an hour to $69 an hour.
Drugs Boost Brains
Society should embrace the use of drugs that boost brain power. That's the message from a group of neuroscientists, psychiatrists and ethicists wearing aluminum foil hats.
Monkey Alerts Plane Cargo Crew
Snakes on a plane force Qantas to ground flight. Cargo crew was alerted by signing monkey in cage after getting their attention by flinging shit.
Phil Spector Convicted
Phil Spector has been found guilty of second degree murder. He's the first Hollywood star to be convicted of murder since Fatty Arbuckle purposefully sat on an Oz midget in 1939.
Madoff's Wife Drops Last Name
Bernard Madoff's wife says that she is going back to using her maiden name of Hitler so people won't hate her so much.
PETA Clears Navy Seals
Members of Greenpeace and PETA have finished with their investigation and say, yes those were three pirates killed, not parrots.
NYC Cabbies Watched
New York City's Mayor Bloomberg says he is going to crack down on cab drivers who text while driving, especially those texting terrorists.
Many Americans say that this past Wednesday was Double-Hump Day after April 15th screwing by the Internal Revenue Service.
Duck Duck Goose!
'Sewer rats' blamed for spate of crossbow attacks on geese, lead police on wild goose chase in Manchester.
Batt, Steinbeck & The Rabbits
Watership Down composer Mike Batt has rabbits shot in cull on his estate. Steinbeck's Lenny also has to be put down after seeing it.
Joyrider Not Ticketed
Joyrider in Detroit, Michigan stopped by police in parking lot, shows them his and Joy's marriage certificate. When told to go home for that, answer they were kicked out by loan company.
Adam West Hospitalized
Actor Adam West hospitalized in London after a stoned Ozzy Osbourne attempts to bite his head off!
What A Cookie!
In a joint venture, Pepperidge Farm Cookie Division will soon be making and selling sugar cookies in the shape of Angelina Jolie.
Pilots Get Wake Up Call
Pilots prepared to take off from Heathrow with 185 passengers unaware jet was on fire, tail section had fallen off and over 50 wild geese sitting on the right wing.
"Cheer Up You Buggers!"
'It's time people stopped being so darned pessimistic', says Mandy in cheer-up call to voters, despite having the famous Obama smile.
Top Tory Not Charged Over Leaks
Jacqui Smith on the rack again as it's announced top Tory will NOT be charged over Home Office leaks, providing he return hospital urinal bottle.
Electric Cars Plugged By Government
Motorists will be offered subsidies of up to £5,000 to encourage them to purchase electric cars under the plans announced by the government today, in yet another plug to reduce carbons.
Russia Against Exercises
Russia has asked NATO to cancel or at least postpone military exercises that it plans to hold in Georgia next month. French troops plan to do combined 100,000 push-ups.
Little Pirate In All Of Us
Somalia Piracy is a symptom of a bigger problem, say experts. It starts out small like trying to get free cable off your neighbor's house, gas from his car, points from dumb news snippets.
Sigmund Freud's Grandson Dies
Broadcaster and former Liberal MP Sir Clement Freud, grandson of Sigmund Freud, has died at 84 of something that was no doubt related to sex and the human mind in some way or other.
Sea Captain In Kenya
The US sea captain that was held hostage by Somali pirates for five days has arrived in Kenya and been officially greeted by 197 of President Obama's half-brothers & sisters.
Russia Ends Search
Russia has ended its decade-long "counter-terrorism operation" of finding separatist rebels in the southern republic of Chechnya, officials say. "They're there, alright."
Search On For Cleo's Tomb, Comb
Egypt to search three sites for Cleopatra's comb. I'm sorry, Egypt to comb three sites for Cleopatra's tomb.
Japanese whale research fleet admitted it was Somali Pirates and not Greenpeace that were responsible for this years poor returns.
A gross video posted on YouTube showing a Domino's Pizza worker stuffing cheese up his nostril & waving salami under his rear end as he is making sandwiches funny after you throw up, states customers.
General Growth files for bankruptcy protection. General Motors, General Mills, General Public apparently not far behind.
Snakes On Plane
Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia. Pilot tells passengers not to panic. They're only three feet long.
Obama To Mexico
President Obama heads to Mexico seeking asylum,as drug violence looms, yesterday's "Boston Tea Parties" stirring everyone up.
JP Morgan: Mixed Result
JP Morgan Chase posts better-than-expected profit, made a dollar, two ninety-eight during Spring Equinox. (Somebody's drunk over there. Probably went totally under.)
Gordon Brown has been heavily criticised for the resent smears.
But he said his handwriting always looks like that.
written by Roy Turse, 16 April 2009
"Wild in the Country"
Anabella Lwin to re-release Bow-Wow-Wow's 1st hit single to coincide with 1st Dog, Bo Wo Wo Obama's 1st trip to Camp David.
Tyranosaurus Ate My Leg
A woman is suing the Natural History Museum after a T-Rex ate her leg. "I know they say this is where history comes to life," she said, "but letting the buggers run around unsupervised is ridiculous!"
Man Found In Jelly
A woman was shocked to find a man's body suspended in the jelly layer of her ASDA raspberry trifle. "I've heard of people finding hair or fingernails in their food, but a full sized man?" she said.
Bailout for Alpo: TARP funds save petfoods
On his first announcement from the Dog House, Bo Wo Wo Obama (America's first black '1st Dog'), made $1T available to ailing Big 3 pet food manufacturers.
Lilo Sells Beard
Lindsay Lohan is auctioning her beard in a bid to raise money for research into testicular cancer. "It's a bit itchy but it's worth it to help save lives" the star was quoted as saying.
Barney clashes with Bo over First Pet status
"He's re-marking my territory! I pissed on those desks and paintings first!"
written by Jalapenoman, 16 April 2009