Obama - "Bo Will Help Me Through..."!
I will not be spoofed, snooped upon, pooped upon, laughed at or ridiculed though my love is strengthened, though more weak in seeming - but now with Bo I am more redeeming!
Source - Right Handed Path
written by iscrivener, 19 April 2009
Medical Marijuana now tax-deductible
Medical research confirms that marijuana has medicinal properties to treat glaucoma, pain relief in MS etc. The IRS rules that expenses for this can be deducted, but only if you file a joint return.
written by IN SEINE, 19 April 2009
The Pittsburgh Pirates File A Lawsuit
The Pittsburgh Pirates organization has filed a lawsuit against the Somali Pirates on the grounds of name infringement.
The Original Tootsie Roll Pop
The Tootsie Roll Pop Corporation has decided to give into the feminist movement. They will soon be producing a Tootsie Roll Mom.
The Outlawed Frog Legs
The World Globalization Society has passed a proclamation outlawing restaurants from serving frog legs. They did this because the cost of 'frog walkers' has increased by as much as 700 percent.
Kenya Outlaws Tattoos
The African nation of Kenya has outlawed tattoos. The surgeon general said tattoo ink has gotten very expensive, tattoo artists misspell too many words, and you really cannot see most tattoos anyway.
The Merging of One of The Big Three Automakers
After months of negotiations General Motors has decided to merge with Dollar General. The new corporate name will be Dollar General Motors.
Jeopardy Host Hit
Male contestant kicked off Jeopardy Show after hitting host, "Mister Smartass" Alex Trebek, in the back of the head with his answer buzzer!
Forests Being Depleated
Forests' role as massive carbon sinks is "at risk of being lost entirely", top forestry scientists have warned in report, "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn".
Brit Released By Nigeria
A British man held hostage in Nigeria for more than six months is to be released, his captors have said. He had apparently came there to collect his money from the bank after being notified by email.
British Police Debate
The head of the police complaints watchdog has urged a debate on crowd control as he prepares to give evidence to MPs following the G20 police row. Watchdog describes many of the incidents as "Ruff!"
UN Race Conference Boycotted
A major UN conference on racism looks to be in disarray as more countries confirmed they will not take part. "We're all the same race, Humans!", stated one. "Well, humans and Woody Allen."
Somali Pirates Foiled
An attempted attack by Somali pirates on a Norwegian tanker was foiled when the crew donned their aluminum caps. The small boats immediately left with cries of, "Curses! Foiled Again!"
Islands Will Disappear!
U.S. Energy Secretary Steven Chu is warning that if countries don't do something about climate change, "some islands will simply disappear." Manhattan begins evacuation!
Madonna Injured In Fall From Startled Horse!
Madonna has been injured in fall from Startled Horse in New York! Family says she's OK. Startled Horse' tribe says he will live.
Companies Hesitant To Forecast
More companies are becoming hesitant to forecast the future as the American population complains. "What are TV Company's weather stations getting paid for?" many are asking.
Koreas Hold Dialogue
The two Koreas held their first dialogue in a year. the Nothe calling the South, Dogmeat and the South calling the North, Raw Unburied Cabbage-Eaters!
Scientist To Turn 100
Rita Levi Montalcini, a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, said Saturday that even though she is about to turn 100, her mind is sharper than it was she when she was a giant pudding.
Seven Pirates Captured
NATO ships, helicopters hunt down 7 pirates. Send out a special thanks to Peter Pan and the Lost Boys!