Good Iranian News, Bad Iranian News
The Iranian military test fired a new surface-to-surface missle from one of their warships. Unfortunately for them, it destroyed an Iranian Starbucks and two camel dealerships.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Newspaperasaurus
Nationwide newspaper circulation has gone way down and is continuing to fall. The Miami Herald has been put up for sale on eBay. So far the highest bid is $319.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Sweet & Sour McNuggets?
A huge Japanese investment corporation is planning on buying all of the McDonalds. They plan on keeping the name but they will be changing the golden arches to the golden chopsticks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
The Non-Smoking White House
President-elect Obama says that he will not be smoking in the White House. One of the maids said, "Thank goodness...one of them other president fellas twice almost burned down the Lincoln Bedroom."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Top 'Tart' gets fined!
A prostitute who works exclusively with lawyers, judges and policemen, has been found guilty of taking the law into her own hands...and mouth.
written by Phil Edgar's Bones, 07 December 2008
Democratic voters say, "Keep the Change!"
Frustrated DNC voters are protesting Obama's choices for his Cabinet. The protestors are demanding both their votes and their campaign donations back, saying, "This is not the correct Change."
written by Helena Handbasket, 07 December 2008
Crossword Addict Dies
A crossword addict who died over a week ago in Bognor Regis, was buried today. His coffin was placed 5 down and 7 across.
written by IN SEINE, 07 December 2008
McDonald's to buy Hull City Stadium
Fast-Food giant, McDonald's, are breaking out into the sports field. They have just purchased Hull City FC's stadium for a whopping £2million. It will be called the Macarena.
written by IN SEINE, 07 December 2008
UK Jobcentre Plus Recruiting
News that the UK's dole addicts will have to take lie detector tests to prove they're looking for work has resulted in thousands of them applying for jobs as DSS / DWP polygraph operators.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
Zimbabwe Epidemic Lauded by Rhubarbe
Zimbabwe dictator Robert Rhubarbie has lauded the current cholera outbreak as a miracle, a virtual political panacea, as it has taken everyone's mind off the fact they're starving.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
New Watchdog Group
Barack Obama has announced that he is forming a new watchdog group to keep an eye on all the other watchdog groups. It will be headed up by his mother-in-law, whom he claims "misses nothing."
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Air Masks Drop
A drunk's visit to the bathroom on a Northwestern flight yesterday form Detroit to Denver led to the automatic dropping of all the planes air masks.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Electorial Vote Change
Al Gore has announced that beginning with the elections in 2012, the electorial vote will go solar.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Nader In 2012
Ralph Nader has said that he doesn't know as yet if he'll run in the 2012 presidential race, depending upon whether he develops a personality or not.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Changes In Miss America
Some changes in next year's Miss America Contest to draw more viewers: Three catagories will be full, bikini and thong, plus a crawl across bottom of TV screen saying, "She believes in world peace".
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Pinch A Little
After telling his patient that "This will just pinch a little", a Kansas City dentist's pants immediately burst into flame.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
Crossing Over
A jersey cow has reported to Farm Life Magazine that the grass on the other side of the fence actually tastes a little green.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
UK Forum Prize Knobhead Awardee 2008
The Boris Johnson Commemorative Straitjacket Award for the politician most likely to commit a fatal faux pax goes to Lord Mandelson for saying the UK wouldn't be in recession if we adopted the Euro.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
Black Bart to be next Attorney-General
Springfield High's resident Anti-Christ, Bart Simpson, has been nominated as Barack Obama's choice for Attorney-General.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
Super MRSA hits UK Hospitals
A highly contagious mutated strain of the MRSA virus, which targets only the prostheses limbs of patients, has hit UK hospitals, infecting the dentures of one grandma undergoing a gum transplant.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
Obama to trash US Congress.
Rumours that both houses of Congress are to be abolished, and all future US legislative process implemented by the Israeli Knesset, were today confirmed by VP-elect Joe Bidet.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
Pres' VP-elect to form Anti-Corruption Taskforce
Vice President-elect Joe Bidet has announced the formation of a new federal anti-corruption taskforce to be headed by Karl Rove and Scooter Libby, and run out of the Elliot Abrams Memorial Building.
written by Rusty, 07 December 2008
The Most Popular Female Ball Retrievers In Tennis
A tennis club in Las Vegas reports a 300% jump in attendance to its tennis matches. The club director said, "It is amazing, all we did was change the female ball retrievers dress code...no underwear."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Amsterdam To Become Amsterdamnit
The city of Amsterdam, (Netherlands) has announced that it will be closing down brothels, sex shops, and marijuana cafes. Thousands of Amsterdamians say they plan on moving to Copenhagen, Denmark.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Inexpensive Housekeepers
A New England director of Homeland Security, Customs, and Border Protection hired illegal aliens to clean her home. She told U.S. agents, "Hey, they all told me that they were 'legal aliens.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Rhode Island's 'Mileage' Idea
Rhode Island wants to tax drivers based on their mileage. Taxi cab drivers in Rhode Island are planning the biggest protest in the history or protests.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 December 2008
Bar's Bath Tub Gin Blinding Patrons - Bar Shuttered
EMMAUS - Constable Finless closed the EMMAUS Saloon on Broadstreet for serving its 'Aspartame Knocker': 2 jiggers lemon juice, 1 PURE aspartame. Blinded patrons were knocked on their .....aspartame...
written by Aspartame Boy, 07 December 2008
Range 'Over
As 4X4 sales plunge to record lows, is it "TATA" or "RANGE 'OVER" to the glory days at Land-Rover's Solihull plant.
written by jeremy griffiths, 07 December 2008
Joining The Extinct
Study: Global warming could threaten life of over one-third of all species, possibly including you-know-who.
written by Bureau, 07 December 2008
