Eyes of the world watch Gazza strip!
Former footballer, Paul Gascoine was caught on CCTV outside a Newcastle nightclub in an inebriated manner. He removed all of his England kit which is now being auctioned on ebay.
written by IN SEINE, 29 December 2008
Hugh Hefner & Paris Hilton
Hugh Hefner told Barbara Walters "Paris Hilton is hot and I want her for my wife." Paris replied, "I know I'm hot, but tell Mr. Hefner that his wife is not my type."
Rev. Jeremiah Wright's Blonde Fiancee
Reliable sources say that Rev. Jeremiah Wright will soon be announcing that over the Christmas holidays he became engaged to Ann Coulter.
The Original Scottish Rappers
A Scottish professor says Rap Music originated in taverns in Scotland. As proof he showed a Rap concert poster featuring Snoop Doggy McDogg, The Highland Kilt Boys To Men, and M.C. McHammer.
Bernard Madoff & Charlie Manson
Bernard Madoff, financial services investment manager is considering a defense of insanity regarding the $50 billion swindle. Charles Manson remarked, "Damn, and people thought I was crazy."
Secretary of Birthing
When Barack Obama's new Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis was asked about her qualifications to be labor secretary she said, "Hey, I've given birth to 13 kids. Believe me I'm mucho qualified."
One of Detroit's largest banks is so desperate to get customers that anyone opening an account between now and February 14, will receive a brand new 2009 Hyundai Accent.
Barack, Miss Paris, & That Yo-Yo Guy
Paris Hilton is upset with Barack Obama. She told a friend, "Barry told me in October he was going to make me his Secretary of Education. And instead he gave the job to that guy from Duncan Yo-Yo's."
Huckabee By Any Other Name
Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee plans to run for president in 2012. His wife said fine but urged him to change his last name to something that isn't so funny sounding. They both agreed on Buckahee.
A Condi Rice Bowl Full of Mush
Condoleezza Rice told a reporter that soon people will begin to thank President Bush for all that he has done. Two minutes later Condi was led away in a straight jacket by four men in white.
Mohr Cox Here
After two years of marriage to actress Nikki Cox, the "Gary Unmarried" comedian has filed a petition in L.A. Superior Court to add her surname to his. From now on he is Jay Mohr Cox!
written by Bureau, 29 December 2008
Nuisance 999 calls
A priest dialled 999 when staff at Manchester Airport's W H Smith bookstore denied him use of the toilet, then pissed his pants when the plods turned up and arrested him for making a nuisance call.
Bullets Not Included :
The Israeli Tourist Authority is to open a new serial killer vacation War Games theme park attraction on the Gaza Strip border for the enjoyment of frustrated psychopaths.
Royal Society for Cruelty to Dogs
Prince Edward gave a new Royal meaning to the RSPCA's ad' : A Dog is for Life, Not Just for Christmas, by beating the living shit out of two Labradors with a four foot wooden pole while being videod.
Harry Potter gets Pension
J.K. Rowling's beloved boy wizard-in-training, Harry Potter, will star in the 127th film release of the successful series that will screen in June 2009 : Harry Potter gets his Bus Pass and Pension.
Orangutans learn to trade favours
Orangutans can help each other get food by trading tokens, scientists have discovered - but only if the help goes in both directions. This is ONE step further than politicians then!
written by IN SEINE, 29 December 2008
Rod Blagojevich Christmas Woes
Santa blew the whistle - the Jolly Old Elf was offered the Illinois senate seat in return for extra toys. Said Claus, "All he had to do was leave extra milk and cookies! Such a naughty boy."
Hari Kari at Toyota
Shamed by his company's first quarterly loss in seventy years, a top-level Toyota CEO buried a Samurai sword deep within his abdomen. If only American automakers had half that level of commitment...
Somali Pirates Unfurl Jolly Roger
They have also taken to wearing eye patches, clenching scabbards in their teeth, drinking large quantities of rum, and taunting their pursuers.
Barack Obama's Favorite Beverage
President-elect Barack Obama's favorite beverage is 'Honest Tea.' And that is a welcome relief from President Bush's favorite beverage which is 'Lotsa Lies Liqueur.'
The First Pup (aka Barney)
A White House spokesman announced that President Bush's dog Barney, the 'First Pup' has not bitten any reporters in two weeks.
Laura and George's "First Cat"
Laura Bush wants everyone to know that the rumors that her and George will be dumping their pet cat Kitty, the 'First Cat' in New Jersey are totally false.
California's "Big Baby"
One of the biggest babies ever to be born in the U.S. was born to a California woman. The baby weighed 14 lbs. 2 ozs. A hospital official said people could hear the mother screaming ten blocks away.
The Dumbest Parents In Oklahoma
A couple in Oklahoma named their newborn twins Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. A reporter asked why they would do such a thing, the mother replied, "Because my husband and I are both kinda stupid."
Bad Dolphins, Bad Dolphins, Whatcha Gonna Do?
Federal wildlife experts are worried about the two dolphins residing in New Jersey's Shrewsbury River. The dolphins were recently seen smoking cigarettes, spray painting graffiti, and selling drugs.
Laura Bush's High Heels
Laura Bush said that the man who threw the two shoes at her husband should be put in prison. She told Barbara Walters, "If I had thrown my high heels at George, I would be sitting in jail right now."
Sarah "Geography Whiz" Palin
A reporter asked Sarah Palin if she knew exactly where South Carolina was located. Palin replied, "Of course, it's right below North Carolina exactly where it's always been located, duh."
The $100 Million McCains
Cindy McCain bought her husband a computer for Christmas. And for Christmas John bought Cindy a new wig.
Fake French Stuff
Customs officials in Paris seized ten tons of counterfeit bon-bons. An official stated, "We are seeing a new breed of criminal. Last week we confiscated 4,000 packages of fake French fries."
Geico Gecko Squashed
The annoying subtropical lizard with a British accent was run over by an uninsured motorist. He will be replaced by an equally annoying gecko with the same stupid accent.