Bush Is Preparing Yet Another Invasion
Bush frustrated with the United Nations efforts in Darfur threatens to invade the UN. "Hey, this old Texas dog is still president. And I am just itchin' to invade something before I'm kicked out."
Illinois: The Land of Lincoln & Capone
Barack Obama calls for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. He then added, "And it probably wouldn't be a bad idea if Gov. Palin also resigns...you know before the 'Walrus Scandal' breaks."
IHOP Is Cookin'
IHOP reports that their sales are up. An IHOP spokesperson said, "Hey, our hot cakes are selling like hot cakes!"
Russell Brand To Star In Rab C Nesbit This Xmas!
Brand, is to star as Rab's son on Xmas TV. The story is: Rab knocked up a posh bit of totty years ago, the result was Brand. Russell, will have no trouble looking 'unclean' and calling himself scum!
Barack's Surprise Cuban Visit
In a surprised visit to Cuba yesterday, Present-elect Barack Obama managed to slip out of Key West and walk across the water to Havana.
New Democrat Bill Introduced
Democrats in congress have introduced a bill that demands equal radio airtime for liberal talk shows and another bill that would demand that 50% of all country songs be cheerful.
Dyslexic Lady's Problems
In Cleveland, Ohio a dyslexic lady, who has recently joined the Catholic church, has been trying to learn how to do the rosary by beading cows.
Another Shakespeare Discovery
After recently discovering the first Theater that performed a Shakespeare play last year, yesterday archaeologists report the unearthing of poor Yurick's skull.
Chinese Skyscraper Unsafe
In Shanghai, China yesterday a pre-fab skyscraper was determined to be unsafe should an earthquake hit that area.
Siamese Twins Reunited
Siamese twins were reunited over the past weekend at a family reunion in Boston, Massachusetts, after spending over ten years apart.
Cigars Left In Oval Office
President elect Obama says he will never smoke in the White House oval office, no matter how many fine cigars former President Clinton left there. Apparently Bush never smoked a one but sniffed a few.
Big Three In Trouble
The Big Three automakers may or may not get $15 billion dollars for bailout money, after asking for $35 billion. This doesn't look good for the Big Three Segway makers.
Miss Those Bicycle Crashes
President elect Obama and family are headed for Hawaii for a family vacation which pleases the reporters that have followed Bush to Texas and watched him crash his bicycle for the last eight years.
Governor selling Obama's Seat
Th governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, was arrested in Chicago yesterday for trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. Oprah would already be sitting there except for the recent weight gain.
The Dyslexic Astronomer
A dyslexic astronomer from Didcot who moved to the USSR last year is desparately trying to move back into Britain. He was disillusioned when he a book told him that there were many Tsars in Russia.
Senate Seat Futures Take a Dive
CHICAGO SOUTH SIDE - Leeroy Brown tells reports that futures contracts on senate seats have taken a dive. "It's gettin hard to pimp in this town since the Feds move in", Leeroy told us.
In a raging debate, TV companies are accused of assisting suicide by showing soap operas and reality TV shows.
American Governor's Chief of Staff Pimping Obama's Seat
"Hey, it's Chicago. What do you expect? I'm just trying to make money to bail out a string of working women. I got payments to make. See ya..", TheSoof was told.
World's Heaviest Potato Found
A Lebanese farmer who dug up what he suspected to be the heaviest potato in the world has already been proved wrong. A woman in Dudley has already found a heavier one lying on her couch - her husband!
Boat Company asks Congress for Bailout Money
Sam's Canoe Rentals Inc asked Congress for a $1.98 loan for a bucket to bailout rain swamped canoes. A Bucket Czar and a plan have been mandated, like when the financial institutions got $750 Billion.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 10 December 2008
Early Christmas Shopping
A man appeared before Ely Magistrates court charged with 'Early Christmas Shopping'. Athough it is not an offence generally, this man did his before he shops opened.
Beware Chinese Character Tattoos
A recent spate of complaints have arisen over Chinese character tattoos where the requested name or phrase turned out to be a total insult:'ugly bitch', 'long-nosed wanker' and 'smelly slapper'.
written by Rusty, 10 December 2008
Worms Killed After Eating Dead Diet Soda Drinkers
ALABAMA - Biologists here confirmed a phenomenon first noticed in Angola. Worms are dying after eating dead diet soda drinkers. Aspartame breakdown products are suspected. Farmers are alarmed.
Big Three CEO's Seen Taking Bus
The Big Three CEO's that were rebuked by Congress for flying in private jets were seen spending their dollar for bus fare. In the future, they will hitch to work.
Dr. Healthnut Warns Parents Against Stocking Stuffer
Dr. Healthnut today warned parents against stuffing their childrens stockings with pure aspartame. "Not unless you also give your kids a full respirator to wear", he warned.
Aspartame Approved for Asses
The FDA and SPCA today issued a joint statment. "Aspartame has been approved for taming wild asses. Ass accidents are way down in Tibet since it's adoption there." Cars are still rare in Tibet.
American Governor tried to sell Obama on ebay
He was caught and arrested claiming his innocence. I was just trying to raise some money for the Auto Makers, he claims
written by disciple, 10 December 2008
A One-Way Ticket To KFC
A chicken farmer in Iowa showed that in 2008, his chickens laid 135,000 eggs, which hatched into 135,000 chickens proving that yes, you can count your chickens before they've hatched.
Get Your Hot Dogs Here!
A Brooklyn hot dog vendor, Giuseppe Lambalini has been named 'The Best Hot Dog Vendor in America.' When asked how he felt he replied, "I just want to take some time to 'relish' this moment."
Karzai Named Car Czar
Bush in a looney lame duck decision announced that he would agree to the Big Three Automakers' bailout if the democrats would appoint Afghani Prez Harmid Karzai the Car Czar:"
written by Pointer, 10 December 2008
Dieters should buy jeans twice the size of their whole body say psychologists!
Depressed dieters should buy jeans twice the size of their whole bodies. Then they should stand in one of the legs, to give the impression, they used to be that fat, say psychologists!
Miley Cyrus:- GIMME an "S"--GIMME a "P"
Miley sings: Gimme me an 'S' gimme me a "P" WHAT'S THAT SPELL?? -----SMILEY CYPRUS!!------- The campaign is expected to bring a whole new age group flocking to the mediterranean isle.
written by jeremy griffiths, 10 December 2008
Opal Fruits Do Not Make Your Mouth Water Say Dogs!
According to Dogs at the University Of Stan Butler, Utah. What really makes their mouth water is a bell, rung by someone called Pavlov. The chewy retro sweets had no effect on 300 dogs in the study.
Man Shoots Off Into Space
Man with fifty helium-filled condoms attached to a lawn chair in San Diego, California shoots off into space.
Mideast News Hot
Mideast talks took center stage once again this morning as Israel who threaten to blow up Iran's nuclear facilities, are seen loading two of each species on a spaceship.
Tour De Prance
The Annual Tour De Prance was off and running yesterday with the wave of the wrist.