TV Presenter bitten
Chat show host Paul O'Grady has suffered a bite on his arm after being attacked by an adder at home. The snake was rushed to hospital suffering a trauma, but is expected to make a full recovery.
written by IN SEINE, 03 December 2008
Weightwatchers relocates to Nuneaton.
Weightwatchers have completed their move to Nuneaton Warwickshire. "It is both a physical and phychological move for us" commented M.T. Smeg- Kelvinator for the company.
Gender Reassignment Conference in Scunthorpe.
The 2009 Gender Reassignment Conference will be held at the Isaac Hunt Memorial Suite, Scunthorpe. Leading plastic surgeon Prof. Dick Todger will open proceedings.
A leading Buddhist, who claims that in his last life he was a Guernsey Cow, told the Sun yesterday that grass tastes just like chicken.
Bush Blames Lack Of Intelligence
President George Bush told Charles Gibson on ABC News yesterday that he blamed lack of proper intelligence for our getting so mired down in Iraq. Gibson quickly agreed.
McCain Wins Again
President-elect Barack Obama continues to place more people in important offices today, while John McCain celebrates his winning a second straight victory in the Orlando, Florida Shuffleboard Meet.
Dalia Lama Ding-Dong
Yesterday the Dalia Lama addressed a college group in Berkeley, California and demonstrated how to riot peacefully.
World Health Organisation warning
The World Health Organisation have issued the following warning today: Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
written by IN SEINE, 03 December 2008
Brushclearing For Humanity
President Bush says he intends to stay very busy after retirement. Instead of help building houses like ex-President Carter, he's planning to join emergency fire crews by helping to clear brush.
Bernie Getting Pretty Ripe
The latest gossip from Hollywood says that Bernie has now became so ripe that they have officially cancelled anymore Weekend sequels.
And In Local News
And here in Podunk, Pennsylvania we got word this morning that our 200 church members on their ocean cruise has decided against having potlucks.
Sonny And Dry
Another weatherman commits suicide in Palm Springs, Calif. Leaves note: "Sunny and Dry! Sunny and Dry! Every single freaking day! I think Sonny Bono hit that tree on prupose!"
200 Colorful Nixon Quotes
Released Wednesday was another 200 hours of recorded White House tapes from the Nixon era featuring Nixon and Agnew cursing democrats, Viet Nam, Chairman Mao and hippies, plus a cute song from Tricia.
Damian Green exonerated
Damian Green has been exonerated after a leak about the investigation into the leak investigation was investigated and found to be a leak.
written by IainB, 03 December 2008
Tights Down, Shirts Up!
Tights were down today in Boots as raw Nylon prices plummeted, whilst shirts were up in Chester after the US cotton crop failed.
New York Jets Quarterback Brett (blank)
New York Jets quarterback Brett Favre has finally admitted that his family has been misspelling his last name. The name is pronounced 'Farve' which is actually the correct spelling of his last name.
Alexander The Great Inventor
Recently discovered documents clearly prove that Alexander Hamilton did in fact invent the Hamilton Beach Blender.
Chrysler: The Crybaby
The Chrysler Corporation has been shameful in asking for a govermental bailout. One senator shook his head and suggested that they change their name to 'Crysler.'
Michael Vick: The Ex-Pit Bull Man
NFL quarterback Michael Vick says when he gets out of prison he's buying French Poodles. He added, "No more pit bulls for me, from now on my dogs will be poodles...they don't fight, they just kiss."
Remember Mr. Avery, It's Witches With a 'B'
The National Hockey League suspends Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery because he referred to his ex-girlfriends as 'bitches.' He now realizes he should have referred to them as 'misspelled witches.'