Baghdad Health and Safety to procecute
Serious charges will be laid by Baghdad H and S Bureau following the infamous shoe incident. Under s.83 para 5. socks (clean) are acceptable projectiles, but shoes (used) are catt.A.dangerous
written by jeremy griffiths, 17 December 2008
King's Whopper Back
New Burger King commercials to spotlight the King's whopper, renews its "It takes two hands to handle a whopper" jingle, but with better graphics.
Old Number Two Found
United States troops in Afghanistan report today that they have discovered al-Qaeda #2 hiding under a local shithouse.
All Tanked Up
Several students from near-by Shepherdsville, Kentucky High School plead guilty to prank of putting a Fort Knox tank in a tree.
Marijuana Vending Machines
Police in California say they are finding more and more marijuana cigarettes in vending machines in Los Angeles' backstreet joints.
U.S. Still Not Prepared
A major study was completed by an independent group yesterday that concluded that the United States is still not prepared for an all-out nuclear world war.
Speaker to Explode
After inviting Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for their graduation speaker last year, Columbia University will hear a member of the suicide bomber squad speak, explode on stage, this coming year.
On Immigrant TV Tonight
FILM: 'The English Patient' (with Polish subtitles) at 7:30pm
written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2008
Secret Service Broken Up
Secret Service agents admit they were laughing when the shoes were thrown at the President in Iraq. "It was the funniest thing we've seen since Cindy booted McCain in the ass for choosing Sarah."
Shoe-Throwing Hits Day 4
Officials say three people were slightly injured on the New York City subway system this morning as Day 4 brings still more shoe-throwing incidents.
Bush Consults Clinton On Thrown Objects
Since coming back from Iraq, President Bush has been consulting with Bill Clinton on dodging shoes. Clinton is an expert at dodging thrown objects, using his celebrated "Alley Cat Defense."
Palin Picks Up Spare
Sarah Palin, not in one of her best moods, sent Santa a message yesterday that if he appears in her flight zone, he better carry a spare reindeer.
Cheney Approves Obama
Dick Cheney told reporters today that he applauded Barack Obama's choice of National Security Team. Obama's approval ratings immediately dropped 10 percent.
The Magnificent Barbacoa Brothers
Scientist have found a hole in the Earth's magnetic field. Juanito Barbacoa of The Barbacoa Brothers Construction Company in East Los Angeles said, "Hey, no problem. We can fix that sucker for $900."
And The Minnesota Recount Continues
Minnesota state officials have stated that they are fairly confident that they'll have the Senator Norm Coleman-Al Franken election recount results in by election day 2010.
The Whining Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg is disappointed he was not named Homeland Security Secretary. He remarked to one of his cousins, "Hey, LaPonna, I mean, like ya know girl, who knows more about 'homes' than me?"
Ministry of the Bloody Obvious
UK Employment Secretary Virginia Thrush today announced that due the current spate of mass redundancies caused by the deepening recession it is expected that unemployment figures will rise in 2009.
written by Rusty, 17 December 2008
New Choice for the Condemned
NEW MEXICO - The Condemned will now be allowed to choose between lethal injection of a chloride compound, or ingestion of one table spoon of pure aspartame.
Moneyless Chicken Pluckers
Pilgrim's Pride, the largest chicken producer in the U.S. has filed for bankruptcy. A spokesman for the company said, "It looks like me made the mistake of putting all of our eggs in one basket."
Airport Rules Change for Condition Red-Face
Passengers are now required to remove their shoes 500 feet from the security checkpoint, hold them behind their ears like big elephant ears, then walk backwards towards the conveyor and drop them.
Fed Lowers Interest Rates to -50%
Borrow a dollar today; pay back 50 cents next year. However, in real money terms this is a 100% interest rate, since that 50 cents will be worth two dollars next year, after accounting for deflation.
TheSpoof News has More Usefull Information than Establishment News
Unbounded by fear of mortal man, TheSpoof writers are more powerfull than a locomotive, fighting an unending battle for truth, justice, and the Armenian way! But they must sleep with one eye open.
Signs of World Economy Recovering.
The US government was today "optimistic" that retail sales were recovering after reports of the sale of a replacement pair of shoes in Baghdad yesterday.
written by jeremy griffiths, 17 December 2008
New Uses for Aspartame Sought
Now that aspartame has been banned as a sweetner world-wide, new uses are being sought. Please forward your comments to the author. e.g. "Use in water-boarding water".