Humans Abduct Alien At Crash Site
An alien was clubbed & sexually assaulted before being dragged off & subjected to unspecified torture by local residents who witnessed his flying saucer crash into a car park in Manchester yesterday.
Tom Cruise Arrest Sparks Riot In Scientology Class
Police have arrested Tom Cruise for crimes against Christianity.
The fattest woman in Britain is considering surgery because she´s ugly as sin too.
President George W. 'I'm Sorry' Bush
President Bush says he is sorry that the global financial crisis has cost jobs and harmed retirement accounts. Okay now if you can just admit your weapons of mass destruction boo-boo.
Yabba Dabba Sean Hannity
Fox News personality Sean Hannity has just signed to star in the new upcoming movie, "Fred Flintstone - Marriage-on-The-Rocks."
Scratch One Somali Pirate Speedboat
A Somali pirate speedboat fired on a Norwegian cruise ship. The cruise ship was acutally the USS Kitty Hawk disguised as a cruise ship. Parts of the pirates are now in Portugal, Pakistan, and Peru.
Van Gogh Leeks
A Chinese artist has recreated a Van Gogh painting made entirely from leeks. Next on her list: A recreation of a famous Andy Warhol painting using only Campbell's soup cans.
Tragedy has struck again, this time at a Mall in Indiana as several fat kids tried to sit on Santa's lap at the same time, crushing the old boy. Saint Nick was 54.
Tofurkey Offer Refused
A Florida man was attacked outside Doak Campbell Football Stadium Sunday, beaten severely and called a pervert after trying to get some kids to "Come over here and taste my tofurkey".
Hillary Occupies New Office
President-elect Barack Obama quieted several of his foes in the Democrat Party today by announcing that Hillary Clinton will serve in the newly created office of Vice-President #2.
More Market Worries
The stock market fell again Monday on worries that people aren't raking their leaves up from around their houses and that they might catch on fire or someone could step on a snake.
New Genetic Sports Tests
Genetic tests are now available to show what particular sport a son may have a special talent for, is leaving dad's walking away mumbling things like "Chinese Checkers, Chinese Freaking Checkers!".
Big Four Asks For Bailout
Besides the Big Three Auto CEOs in Washington Tuesday, former al-Qaeda CEO, Khalid Shaikh Muhammed was given permission to attend and ask for a bailout of Gitmo.
Pakistan Warns India
Pakistan has warned India against any retaliation over the terrorists attack over the weekend and solemnly promised to kill off 200 of their own people to make amends.
Gonzales Memory Worsens
Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales of the Bush Administration told a reporter today that "I cannot recall my resignation, so how do I know how I felt at the time? And who is this Bush?"
Future Shatner/Takei fight
William Shatner is to interview George Takei on his new chat show. Both men will be searched for hidden phasers.
The Queen is a Big Countdown Fan
Presenter Des O'Connor is praised by the Queen for giving hours of "enjoyable entertainment" as she appoints him CBE. O'Conner said "They told me there was one Countdown fan living in London.
A $200,000 Meal
An Italian White Truffle has sold at an auction for $200,000. the buyer actress Kirstie Alley reportedly said, "Hey, I was hungry."
Ann Coulter's Hands
A study reveals that clean people are less judgmental that dirty people. Wow, Ann Coulter's hands must be covered in cowshit.
Condi's New Reality Show
Condoleezza Rice plans on staring in an NBC reality series once she leaves office. She will co-star with 80-year-old Orson Bean in a show called, 'Rice and Bean.'
Obama showed the 'secret' book
As the newly elected president, Obama has been shown the secret book of power, only to discover the previous incumbent had doodled on it.
written by IainB, 02 December 2008
NASA finds Alien Mars Bar
NASA scotches news that the robotic Red Planet Rover has discovered a railroad tie-sized lump of driftwood, announcing it's a big piece of weathered choc-rock known as a Mars Bar.
written by Rusty, 02 December 2008
Tesco's Profit Slump
As Tesco announce a 2% growth in sales (2% lower than last year) they want to assure the public that "Every LITTLE helps!"
The Singing Tattoo Queen
Cher running out of tattoo space on her body is planning on having both her tonsils tattooed.