Numerology 101 & 102
When it comes down to it. Statistics are really nothing but numbers.
Do Re Mi
How come classical music doesn't have any lyrics?
The Mormon and His Six Honeys
These Mormom guys who have six wives think that they are quite smart. Well, let me see...they also have six mothers-in-law...so how really smart are they?
Ann 'Trigger' Coulter
Ann Coulter, the woman who shoots from the lip.
Hey Bill O'Reilly, 'Opine' This
Rupert Murdock, owner of Fox News despises Bill O'Reilly. Billy's days may be numbered. An inside source said Bill will co-star in a reality series with Paris Hilton, 'The Hot & The Not.'
Lou Dobb's Lipo
CNN's Lou Dobbs will be going in for liposuction. He is having 30 pounds removed...from around his mouth.
Karl 'Bush's Boy' Rove
President Bush crony, Karl Rove said that George W. Bush is not the worst president of the past 50 years. Old Karl is right, Bush is the worst president of the past 200 years!
To Protect & Serve (and Ticket)
The husband of a woman in labor was ticketed for driving in the breakdown lane. The officer was asked if that wasn't rather extreme, he said, "Hey, she's just lucky that I didn't taser her ass."
The Politically Correct Kid
Actor Jack Black told CNN's Larry King that he has decided to change his name to Jack African-American.
Bye Bye Bushy
The 'Year of The Gorilla' officially began Monday. The 'Year of The Lame Duck' officially began four weeks ago.
He Did Give Police A Good Description
A creative individual in Dundee, Scotland, kidnapped himself, demanded $1 million ransom, got it, and then released himself unharmed.
Levi? Levi? Oh Yes Levi Johnston
The Where Are They Now Department: Levi Johnston - He broke up with Bristol Palin and is now dating Amy Winehouse.
Another Airport Bites The Dust (or Snow)
Authorities have shut down the airport in Shannon, Greenland because an environmental group said that the jets were running over spiders, ants, and crickets.
Third and Twenty
The NFL Player's Union is suing the NFL to block the suspensions of five players who violated the anti-doping policy. Meanwhile, the NFL has just suspended the NFL Player's Union.
So How's Your Mileage?
The three executives of the three auto giants are back in Washington begging for a $34 billion rescue package. But this time instead of flying in their corporate jets, the three drove their own cars.
And You're Listening To The Big 'K'
San Francisco's new FM radio station KUNT has been ordered by the FCC to change it's call letters real quick for the obvious reason.
The Smoky Mountain Knifeworks in Sevier County, Tennessee has announced the layoff of 200 mail order handlers. "We're cutting it to the bone", stated Company President Sam Henry.
Drop in Big Ticket Items
The Federal Reserve has announced there has been a big drop in the sale of big-ticket items. So, beginning January 1st, the tickets will be reduced to only one-third their present size.
Obama Makes Another Change
One more change President-elect Barack Obama is planning is changing the music before he enters a room from "Hail To The Chief" to "The Theme From Shaft".
Teething Ring Recall
China has recalled 200,000 baby teething rings after discovering that MSG had been added to enhance the flavor.
Bums, Indigents and Winos rallied in Lower Manhattan yesterday demanding a bailout for cleaner allies, dumpsters and shopping carts with better wheels.
Terrorist's Luggage Lost
A terrorist was arrested at the Logan Airport in Boston, Massachusetts this morning after throwing a fit over the airline losing his nuclear bomb suitcase.
Smokeless Tobacco Warning
The FDA has issued a public health warning that, because of the increase in chemicals used, smokeless tobacco could flame up in your mouth.
More Manure Flung In 2008
The total costs of the 2008 presidential election is in and it shows that a lot more fertilizer was used to increase the size of funding than in 2004.
Chelsea's New Book
Friends of Chelsea Clinton say that her first book,
intitled "How Mama Got Screwed Again" will be coming out in the Spring of 2009.
Marlboro's, Camels, and L & M's
The Surgeon General has determined that 'Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.'