New Sausage Casing Proves Safe for Sex

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 15 October 2008


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The Pork Apple Valley company, famous for its Smoked and Polish Sausage products, has announced a new sausage casing and line of sausage products to be secretly marketed towards gay and lesbian communities.

Named "Break Free" sausage by Pork Apple Valley, its general marketing campaign will target all consumers who prefer their cooked or grilled sausage without splits or breaks in the skin. The thick natural collagen casing would need to be cut with a knife to remove the skin before consumption. Marketing studies have shown that most people preferred their sausage prepared that way.

The by-product of this tough casing however, is a sausage product that maintains its one and three quarter inch width, the entire length of the 16 inch curved link. Bruce Brounei, product development manager from Pork Apple Valley says, "It's the same favorite sausage recipe that all families have come to know and love, but there is an added benefit for those people who like to play with meat. It can be washed, and then warmed in the microwave for all sorts of fun. "

Aside from the general public marketing campaign, smaller ads were featured in alternative lifestyle newspapers and magazines. Pork Apple Valley's new tag line reads; "Thicker, longer, break-free sausage, and it tastes good too."

"Perfect for a game of Hide the Salami", Brounei commented.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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