Written by Jesus Budda

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

image for 67% of Catholic nuns have used a crucifix for 'sexual pleasure'
Nuns like talking dirty to their clergy

A study conducted by Vogue magazine has discovered the secret sexual desires of nuns.
Usually believed to be repressed lesbians, nuns have in fact a depraved sexual appetite that must be sated with lots of 'naughty touching' and oftentimes much, much more.

Sister Cobweb, of the Little Sisters of the Disintegrating Cock, said that there's nothing her group likes doing more on a cold, winters night than ogling each other's tits by candlelight and using a their crucifixes for more than simple prayer.

A hefty 96% thought Jesus had a great body and would "do him" but only 25% said they'd fuck John the Baptist.

The nuns often arranged clandestine visits to the city at weekends: "We go dressed up in the whole nun garb", said sexy Sister Cornelia, "the civilians just think we're some drunken slappers out on the town - which suits us fine!"

The study also found that only 5% of nuns thought Pope Benedict was a 'hotty' - compared to an 89% 'babelicious' rating for his predecessor.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
49 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more