Dude … Where’s My Hover Car?

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 12 February 2023

image for Dude … Where’s My Hover Car?
Retro and Modern at the Same Time

Since the 1950s, we were all promised hover cars.

Where are they? Well, old Elon his Muskiness, has introduced the world’s first hover car!

I was given a private tour of the facility where cars of the future are being made today! (Wasn’t that a slogan from the 1950s? I’m sure history’s not repeating itself.)

And there it was! Looked right out of the 1977 Star Wars and Luke’s landspeeder (which Musk has admitted was the inspiration for his invention).

It was about 30 feet long, five feet wide, could seat four, ran on batteries, and had all the bells and whistles one expects from a car made by Musk. The steering column came with a syringe which the driver has to put into his/her wrist to have a blood sample taken, so that they are not too drunk to drive … so says the owner’s manual.

I asked where does the person’s information go, after it has been harvested by the car?

“Oh, we sell it to the highest bidder. From a person’s blood, we can detail an entire medical history of the driver, and not just to see if they’re drunk. The syringe takes their DNA and sends it by Star Link to various government and military computers around the world. We know more about the people who drive our cars than their own governments. The corporations are gaining more and more control on the useless people … of which there are billions … no further comment … hey, wait a minute, you’re not Elon’s sister – how’d you get in here?!”

I ran for it, and in doing so, I tripped over a wire that was almost invisible.

The hover car came crashing down to the factory floor! It was just a shell made of cheap balsa wood, filled with semi-liquid foam.

I had been deceived! The 1950s had returned – damn those sci-fi writers! It was all wires, nothing but illusion, and those in charge filthy stinking LIARS!

I was lucky to make a cool escape in my turbo jet pack – which actually did work, but has little range – but I made it to I95 and hitchhiked my way to safety from there with a fella who said he had “kilt 90 hitchhikers in this here state alone … you shore is a purty lil thing, ain’tcha?”, but he promised to give me a back rub at the next sleazy motel, so I went along for the ride.

As most of us do when being told the “truth” by people with lots and lots of money.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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