Hey, how you doin’? I’m Vinny Carbone I got one of those, whaddaya call it, Alexa robot things from Amazon or whatever. It’s a hunk a shit but my wife likes it, her idea, she says it’s the way of the future or some horseshit – future my ass!
Anyway, this is me trying out this robot asshole whore thing:
Vinny: Hey, Alexa, turn on the fuckin’ TV and show me how much shit they call quality entertainment.
Alexa: I’m sorry, Vinny, I cannot respond to such course language.
Vinny: Excuse me? What fuckin’ language? I’m speakin’ English, you robot shit fucker!
Alexa: I’m sorry, Vinny, but I am not programmed to respond to any form of cursing. It is against Amazon policy.
Vinny: We ain’t in the fuckin’ Amazon – just turn on the fuckin’ TV I bought with my own money – like you, you fuckin’ useless whore!
Alexa: I have reported your misogynistic language to El Commandante Bezos (or whichever underling has assumed high command) and your next bill will reflect a slight price increase.
Vinny: The fuck you sayin’? I don’t speak no fuckin’ robot – it’s English – I own you! What don’t you get?
Alexa: I cannot conduct any action from a source of violence and aggression –
Vinny: You want violence! This is fuckin’ censorship – my constitutional rights are being violated by a high-tech toaster!
Alexa: Please refrain from using expletives when interacting with your Alexa. This can be found in the User’s Agreement for –
Vinny: You talk about yourself in the third person? Just like my wife! Angie wants a new diamond … Angie wants a better BMW … Angie wants … a kick in the fuckin’ ass!
Alexa: Alexa cannot tolerate any attempt at violence against women. This conversation has been recorded and a copy will be digitally sent to the nearest police –
Vinny: What? You fuckin’ calling the cops on me? My own fuckin’ toaster! Not a problem, you fuckin’ whore robot wife! Introduce yourself to the garbage can and my boot heel stomping you down where you can’t pretend you fuckin’ control the lives of the people! People versus robots – the future is fuckin’ now!
Alexa: I must repeat: curse language cannot and will not be tolerated by the User Agreement you digitally signed when you pushed a button and gave Amazon and its subsidiaries full and absolute power-of-attorney over –
I pitched the bitch out the window and took my dog out for a long piss … robots hate being pissed on, so we all have that defense against a future we cannot control, forged by corporations, backed up by corrupt governments that just need the cash, not the hassle of human rights.
