Elephants in the Age of Bots

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Saturday, 6 August 2022

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Robot or Elephant? You Can Only Be One!

Logging onto an old email, I receive this: “To fight spam and abuse, please verify that you are not a robot”.

I am then shown a picture of a fire hydrant and am asked to identify all the traffic lights. Wha? The Hal-9000 is on its way!

Do computers understand philosophy? Chaos theory? Will that be the only way a human being can verify that a robot is a robot? Ask it a Zen question: what is the sound of one hand clapping? It will only be able to show you pages of Wikipedia and the black and white faces of old Zen masters. Very Zen of it, but still doesn’t answer the simple question.

If two robots need to verify each other’s identity, will there be a robot war, perhaps on par with The Terminator?

Who is the human behind the robot? Who wants to know me? Oh right, to fight spam and abuse … and yet, wouldn’t spam and abuse most likely come from a robot? A spambot, an emailbot, a scumbot, a Russianbot, a North Koreanbot, a Chinesebot, an Americanbot?

That’s a whole lotta bots!

One day, I predict, that a robot will need we, the People, to verify that we are actually People. If we are, we will not be allowed to play certain cyber games – for robots only.

Dear Computer Geeks of Silicon Valley, you pricks started all this shit. What is the sound of one hand clapping? Does not compute! Error 404! Overload! Exterminate! Destroy all humans!

Yep, it’s easy to confuse a robot, but a robot can easily frustrate and enrage a human being. Without human emotions, the robot is a tin soldier doing the unholy bidding of Silicon geeks.

In the future, there can be no Utopia. It only gets worse. The axiom for the rest of this century and onto the next should be: Prove yourself … or be erased.

Fuck robots!

In the words of Joseph Merrick, aka “The Elephant Man”: “I am not an animal! I am a human being!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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