DETROIT – (Satire News) – The latest thing in security systems is the Autonomous Security Robot.
Dow Chemical has produced the SR-907 Humdinger Extraordinaire and it is changing the way companies view security.
The conical Chubby Wubby, as it has been nicknamed, is equipped with 13 internal cameras, a can of mace, a can of pepper spray, two sets of handcuffs, and a state-of-the-art taser gun.
Companies can lease the SR-907 for $67,000 per year with an option to buy.
Detroit police report that an individual shoplifted a womens Gucci purse from Macy’s and he ran out of the store like a crazed banshee.
The Mall’s security robot tried to tackle the shoplifter, who took out a hand gun and shot the SR-907 in the midsection.
The robot did manage to incapacitate the thief with an electrical charge from it’s taser. Witnesses reported seeing the thief flopping around on the mall's floor like a halibut.
Police took the purse snatcher into custody and he is not sitting in jail on a $45,000 bond.
Meanwhile, Chubby Wubby, was transported to a local Radio Shack, where the manager stated that he expects the robot to make a complete recovery.