China 9045: Superior Android Celebrity Stalkers Roam Society!!!

Funny story written by Erickson 2

Sunday, 28 March 2021

image for China 9045: Superior Android Celebrity Stalkers Roam Society!!!
Android stalker, Shipman 69 series, heads to fortified bomb shelter housing Lady Jiang Lailai.

Beijing, China: It's the year 9045, and the Alibaba corporation dominates the black market with the illegal production of android stalkers that are being purchased by unscrupulous individuals.

The cyborg singer, Miss Jiang Lailai, is the latest victim of an anonymous man who purchased a Maddox PIT2 - production Id: A2432, android stalker with fully, functional, human, synthetic organs and a satellite-encrypted video data transmitter. The android uses the social name Roger Chang.

The android Roger Chang, who recently served six months in deep sleep hibernation for breaking into pop singer Miss Jiang Lailai's Circuit City apartment, has been arrested yet again after breaking into the pop star’s home once more when it bypassed her security system with an added RX50 hacking accessory.

Fortunately, for beautiful Jiang Lailai, she was not home at the time of the break-in. Although no specific details were given regarding Roger Chang's capture, the alleged crime occurred around 2:30 a.m. CST on Monday. Police deactivated Roger Chang and transferred it to a Beijing recycling plant, because it was discovered through its memory chip that the owner had recaptured the unit while it walked the streets, and programmed the android for a second offense against the same victim.

It was three days later that authorities received an anonymous call that a wealthy socialite obsessed with Miss Jiang Lailai had made a black market purchase of a highly-advanced stalking android, a series Shipman 69 - Id: Z4326. The android uses the social name, Declan Evans. The Shipman 69 series is the most expensive stalking unit that the Alibaba corporation offers, and is made with British features.

The A.I. Shipman 69 series is a highly-effective stalker with wall climbing capability, inferred vision, sonar vision, telescopic vision, super hearing, a sensitive smelling device, a security hacking system, a sleeping gas dispenser, a synthetic organ that releases electrical pulses, a special forces program, an intelligence-gathering program, and a sophisticated avatar brainwave transfer system, so the purchaser can experience the stalking incident, with full intensity through his brain and nerve system.

Miss Jiang Lailai was offered 24-hour police protection, but unfortunately, a different Maddox PIT2 - Id: B21, who goes by the social name Benny Wu, got past the police barricade and reportedly climbed a ladder and smashed a glass door to enter the 'Be My Cyborg Man' singer’s home.

According to The Shanghai Press, the android Benny Wu now faces charges of stalking and burglary, and most likely will spend two years in deep hibernation after a court conviction.

Only one day prior, Miss Jiang Lailai published an essay in 'Cyborg Woman' entitled ’5 Things I Learned About Robotic Stalkers’. The singer ironically recounted her unfortunate history with android stalkers and the obsessive fans who buy the robots and send them after her.

“My fear of the dreaded Shipman 69 series has continued to plague my personal life,” she wrote after admitting she carries QuikClot at all times — a military-grade brand of Maxipad bandages used specifically for “cyborg orifice wounds.” She's relieved that improvised fans can't afford the 40 million yuan price tag of the terrifying, Shipman 69 series.

Just last April, an Ecstasy 42 - Id: S956 android stalker, who uses the social name Johnny Holmes, was found sleeping in Miss Jiang Lailai's bed in her brand new Soho townhouse by local authorities. It also allegedly used her shower. It was found it activated several canisters inside her home, containing a slow-release female, cyborg, libido-enhancing gas.

"I almost walked into a lust-inducing trap," says Miss Jiang Lailai.

A neighbor reported the home invasion after seeing a ladder perched up against the 19-year-old singer’s home. Johnny Holmes was found guilty of criminal contempt and attempted burglary. It was sentenced to nine months in hibernation, but served six.

Following the end of its sentence, Johnny Holmes, was ordered to serve five years probation and was also required to complete a mental-training rehabilitation program because it was detected it had organic, cyborg components in its quantum-algo brain. The law doesn't allow it to be recycled, unless there is a higher criminal charge, because of the human organic matter in its quantum-algo brain.

The incident in April isn’t the first report of a break-in attempt by Johnny Holmes. The obsessed android was charged last February with breaking through the front door of Miss Jiang Lailai's London, England, £29,000,000 property in Hampton Hall, Queens Drive, using a titanium shovel.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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