FUJINOMIYA, Japan - (Satire News) - Japan's Saki News Agency has just reported that the last time that Mount Fuji erupted was on December 16, 1707, at 4:25 in the morning.
The volcano which was named after the very popular Japanese alcoholic beverage, Fujii, has not erupted in 315 years.
But now, Asian volcano experts are predicting that the angry Fuji is getting ready to blow his or her top. No one knows for sure if Fuji is a male or female, so everyone just calls Mount Fuji the hermaphrodite volcano.
Members of the Fujinomiya Police Department have asked that anyone living within 100 yards of the volcano, immediately evacuate to a location upwind from the angry, bitter guy or gal.
Dr. Foo Moo Foo, who is Japan's leading expert on all things volcanic, says that for some tremendously mysterious reason, Fuji is not spewing out molten lava like every volcano in history, but is instead spewing out gold nuggets that are 16 carat gold.
