AVOCADO HEIGHTS, California – (Satire News) – Planetary scientists now say that the Dixie Land Fire is so gigantic that it can be seen from as far off as Saturn (a distance of over 742 million miles, as the crow flies).
The “Fire From Hell” as the iRumors News Agency has pegged it, has burned over 1 million acres, 9,000 structures, and it has totally evaporated every drop of water from 83 lakes.
One river, the Ricardo Montalban River, that runs through Sausalito, has completely dried up and members of Save The Fish have already managed to rescue over 3,000 sardines, 900 guppies, and 400 jellyfish.
The fire was allegedly started by a young couple from Iowa, who were roasting marshmallows.
Over 4,000 firefighters from as far away as Delaware, Costa Rica, and Iceland are battling the blaze that makes hell seem like one big fuckin’ snowball.