HOUSTON – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of Houston state that the richest man in the world, Elon Musk, is in the process of building what will be a truly astonishing Floating Asteroid Belt Station.
The station named Vesuvius, after his pet sardine, will roughly be the size of Cincinnati, Ohio. It will be constructed of Tungastillican-4, which is about 168,020 psi., and can withstand the fury of a category 8 hurricane.
Musk says that the USS Vesuvius will orbit the Red Planet (Mars) at a speed of 893,000 mph.
He noted that it will fly so fast, that, scientifically, it will be, where it was a mere 1.2 seconds before, or as his personal secretary, the current reigning Miss Louisiana, Zoe Jo Bedloe, 19, stated, the belt station will fly like a damn mothereffer.
The cost of the belt station will be about $8.8 trillion, 25% of which will be funded by USS Vesuvius donation funds from the elementary school children of the states of Texas, Oklahoma, and Vermont.
Musk is really excited about the project, and adds that, if things go as planned, Mars could conceivably have an NBA basketball team by the year 2027.