Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 24 December 2018

image for Man Sucked Inside Hadron Collider
It's worrying, and just before Christmas!

There's been a disaster at the site of the Large Hadron Collider facility near Geneva, Switzerland, after a man who was on duty there fell asleep, and was sucked inside the machine.

The LHC went live in 2008 to try to accelerate particles in order to recreate the conditions around the time of the Big Bang. This has not yet been achieved, scientists know, by the mere fact that there has been no Second Big Bang, and no new universes have been created.

Last night, however, even this lack of success paled into insignificance, when nightshift operative, François Merde, succumbed to the magnetism of sleep whilst watching some lights flash on and off, and suddenly vanished inside the LHC.

It's thought he may still be in the room, but at a different point in time.

The implications are frightening.

It's especially worrying for his wife, and just before Christmas!

Experts at the facility are now trying to work out what to do next about recovering M. Merde, who has never travelled further than the Swiss border on his own, let alone into a different part of space and time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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