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Funny satire stories about LHC

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Man Sucked Inside Hadron Collider

Funny story: Man Sucked Inside Hadron Collider

There's been a disaster at the site of the Large Hadron Collider facility near Geneva, Switzerland, after a man who was on duty there fell asleep, and was sucked inside the machine. The LHC went live in 2008 to try to accelerate particles in order...

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Dark Matter "Needs to Lighten Up" Says Head of CERN

Funny story: Dark Matter "Needs to Lighten Up" Says Head of CERN

"C'est un travail de merde" said normally mild mannered Monsieur Jacques Trounoir, Head of Operations for the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in conversation with The Spoof's European Editor, Plagny Toxique. "We at CERN proved the existence of Higgs bo...

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Hadron Collider Discovers God

Funny story: Hadron Collider Discovers God

The scene was reminiscent of a European Cup soccer final as hundreds of scientists leapt into the air screaming and shouting and hugging each other as sheaves of paper drifted through the air. It all happened at their research centre in Geneva at...

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Is Hadron Collider covered by a collision waver payment?

Funny story: Is Hadron Collider covered by a collision waver payment?

Calls to shut down the L.H.C. because the newly verified Higgs-Boson particle doesn't "do anything" have been gaining momentum. Additionally insurance companies have admitted that their collision waver supplement clause is so flawed in this instance...

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Biggs - Hosun Devil particle found.

Funny story: Biggs - Hosun Devil particle found.

Scientists have discovered a horrifying "Biggs - Hosun" particle nicknamed the Devil Particle among the collision debris at the Large Hadron collider underneath Geneva. A scientist excitedly told our reporter, "I was looking inside the collision c...

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Higgs Boson is Wrong God particle says Vatican

Funny story: Higgs Boson is Wrong God particle says Vatican

175 metres beneath the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva, Switzerland a thousand scientists are seeking the key to the universe. Last year an announcement was made that it had been found in a waste paper basket near the Atlas complex at the LHCA. B...

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Cover Up About Black Hole At Large Hadron Colider

There has been a massive cover up about a black hole at the Large.Hadron.Colider. as far the World knows it is having essential maintenance. When Scientists discovered the Higgs Bosum they also at the same time created a black hole. A top scien...

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Large Hadron Collider and the single feline

Funny story: Large Hadron Collider and the single feline

Zurich, Switzerland. In earth shattering news, the Large Hadron Collider, owned and operated by the CERN corporation, has been blamed for, among other things, causing domesticated cats to become prematurely aroused ahead of their usual time of "heat"...

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Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Funny story: Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Cern scientists revealing results from the Large Hadron Collider have claimed the discovery of a new particle consistent with the Higgs boson. Boffins have been searching for 45 years for the particle which they believe will explain how matter at...

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Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

Funny story: Shock of shocks! Cern 'discover' Higgs boson just as predicted!

The Higgs boson, the particle that has cost untold billions of dollars to detect, has potentially been discovered, just as the Cern scientists said it would be earlier in the year. The Hadron collider is due to be shut down at the end of the year...

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Cern decide that the 'God' particle will be found by end of year

Funny story: Cern decide that the 'God' particle will be found by end of year

'Scientists' from CERN have decided that they will have found proof of the so called 'God' particle by the end of the year. Just before the money pit closes for refurbishment. The Higgs boson, which has absolutely nothing to do with religion, was...

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IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Funny story: IBM Releases Superconducting Quantum Computer, Large Hadron Collider Engineers Experience First Boner

Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...

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CERN Press Office Confirm Large Haldron Collider Will Shut Down 21 December 2012 For Maintenance

Funny story: CERN Press Office Confirm Large Haldron Collider Will Shut Down 21 December 2012 For Maintenance

CERN today announced that the LHC will run through to 21 December 2012 after a short technical stop at the end of 2011. The beam energy for 2012 will be 8.5 TeV, the maximum possible and this maximum output will be reached on the 21 December 2012, be...

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Scientist in LHC horror

Funny story: Scientist in LHC horror

A scientist who was accidentally sucked into the Large Hadron Collider and fired 17 miles along its length at speeds reaching 186,000 miles per second was today said to be 'comfortable' after being rushed to Geneva central hospital following his orde...

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Higgs Boson found on Navy Frigate

Funny story: Higgs Boson found on Navy Frigate

Crew members aboard the Frigate HMS Rigging have returned to Southampton after six months patrolling the seas around Afghanistan to much confusion. "We've pulled into port this week," said quartermaster Lou Tennant, "and we're told the entire worl...

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Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

Funny story: Higgs Boson Detected? Unfortunately not.

CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.

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Higgs Boson Confusion Causes Head Explosion Outbreak

Funny story: Higgs Boson Confusion Causes Head Explosion Outbreak

A spate of head explosions hit news organisations yesterday in the wake of the press conference held by boffins at the Cern laboratory. Physicists Fabiola Gianotti and Guido Tonelli presented experiment results which scientists reckon provide evid...

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Higgs Boson found at BBC

Funny story: Higgs Boson found at BBC

The elusive Higgs Boson - the theorised particle which inspired a 10 billion pound hole in the ground has been found. Well so the BBC would have you believe. The BBC, famed for producing misleading 'factual' programming claims to have photographed...

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