Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Saturday, 18 July 2015

image for Quackberry Launches New Smartphone App
smartphone, dominatrix, black leather or chain-mail clothing or accessories, whip

As predicted, the release of Apple's new iBitch robot has prompted arch-rival Quackberry to respond with a competing product. However, Quackberry has chosen to tap the same market niche via a completely different approach.

At a press conference yesterday, Quackberry spokesmilf Desiree Payne announced that a new app, called "Unter", was now available to users, abusers, ill-users and misusers of Quackberry smartphones and compatible devices.

"Whereas Apple's iBitch removes the human element from the dominant/submissive dynamic, our new "Unter" app will restore the personal touch to these interactions." She went on to explain that Unter was designed to help connect "the pathologically sadistic and just plain mean-as-vinegar folk with schmucks who are willing to pay for some good old fashioned abuse."

When asked by a reporter in attendance if this app would be offered for free, she became incensed.

"Free?" she shrieked, her ample, chain-mail-corseted torso quivering with rage. "You think you deserve a free app? Why, you little shit! Not only are you a pervert, but a cheapskate too!"

"Now, if you know what's good for you," she continued in a somewhat calmer tone, "you'll get down on your knees and beg me to accept your credit card information!"

The reporter's sobbing response was interrupted by the noise of a raucous protest outside the Quackberry building, led by the local association of professional dominatrices, apparently upset that "Unter " would undermine their livelihood. As onlookers stared in disbelief, a cadre of Quackberry programmers, dressed in schoolboy uniforms, went out to meet the protesters. Kneeling before their chrome-studded, knee-high, stiletto-heeled black leather boots, the programmers begged forgiveness for having worked on the "Unter" app.

What happened next has been deemed unsuitable for Spoof readers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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