Apple Reveals New iBitch Robot

Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Saturday, 11 July 2015

image for Apple Reveals New iBitch Robot
I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle...and I need you to bend over.

Electronics giant Apple chose New York City as a venue to introduce its new dominatrix robot, the iBitch, to consumers last week.

Spokesbitch Ivana C. U. Hirt explained to reporters and tech gurus that the idea for the iBitch was actually spawned by Caltech students who were researching insect-inspired robot designs:

"Note that she has six limbs: Legs that sport the mandatory jackboots, hands clad in chain-mail gloves, and an intermediate pair of limbs ending in pincers straight out of a sci-fi horror movie. As for her Barbie-doll proportions, well, I did mention that she was created by engineering students, didn't I?"

The iBitch features a remote control with a touch-screen intensity scale of one to ten. "One", explained Hirt, "is like a mildly disapproving mother-in-law, while ten is more like a Spanish inquisitor."

Hirt went on to explain that an optional webcam will be made available for "those who are tired of keeping their dirty little secrets to themselves."

It is widely expected that arch-rival Quackberry will introduce a competing product in the weeks to come.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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