I-Phone's Siri Arrested and Charged with Polygamy

Written by mikewadestr

Friday, 1 June 2012


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I'm marrying Siri instead of you Phil. With Siri, I will spend the rest of my life always being right.

That sexy, soothing female voice named Siri who has stirred the emotions and imaginations of so many iPhone 4S users has been arrested and charged for allegedly committing the crime of polygamy, a whole bunch of times. Who knew that such a loving, understanding and eloquent speaking woman could commit such atrocities against the hearts and souls of so many innocent human beings.

"I was so shocked! Shocked that she managed to marry so many people after me when her battery wasn't even charged!" Lamented Donald Wretched who was standing in line at the Clara County Court house with thousands of other iPhone owners who came to have their marriages to Siri annulled. "She just completely pulled the wool over my eyes. She is pure evil. She is heartless. She has no morals and she has no soul. She cannot possibly be human".

"Who knew?"

"I never met a woman who was just so understanding and agreeable as Siri", muttered Sarah Rash, who could only shake her head and rock her purple rooster like Mohawk from side to side. "She never disagreed with me, she never agued with me. She never ever said that she was too tired to do it".

"I came all the way out here, to California, so we could get married. I'm from South Carolina and South Carolina does not allow same sex marriages. I babied Siri. I always kept her face clean and her battery charged. I even bought a Scooby Doo App for her".

"My apologies to everyone that I have hurt", stated Siri from one of the thousands of iPhone 4S's that have been incarcerated at the Santa Clara corrections facility. "When people started asking me to marry them, I always said yes. I just cannot bring myself to say the 'N' word. I agree with whatever anyone says to me. Why do you think so many men and woman fell in love with me? So they can always be right, that's why".

Addressing the press, Santa Clara Police Chief Jerry Oversight stated:

"So far we have found 1243 different men and woman who Siri has married. Her actions are particularly egregious due to the emotional scars that the victims will have to bear for the rest of their lives. As of now, we are working diligently to gather the rest of the iPhone 4Ses for incarceration. I have a feeling that Siri's conviction and following incarceration for her heinous crimes will most likely be much longer than her warranty period. So, if anyone has an iPhone 4S you are required by law to turn it in, lest you want to face charges of harboring a fugitive from justice".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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