Smelly feet? There's an app for that

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 16 February 2012

image for Smelly feet? There's an app for that
Ed the researcher at App World! when Buck took his shoes off

Body odour of any kind is an issue that is just not discussed in polite society. In impolite society, everybody has body odour problems, so nobody notices. For this reason, it's almost impossible for anybody to tell if they have any kind of body-odour issue.

"I always smell good," said Mac Buck, editor of App World! giving a quick sniff of his underarm to ensure he wasn't lying. "But I've had to meet with people with less than perfect hygiene. It's unpleasant."

Venturing into the hygiene applelet market for the first time, Apple Core Labs are building on their chemical detection systems using the ultra-sensitive AMOLED screen with their latest app, iSmell.

"The iPhone screen is so sensitive to capacitance changes," said Buck, "that it can distinguish between odour molecules."

The iPhone does have to come into contact with offending areas.

"Basically, you rub it against an armpit or the sole of your foot," said Buck. "It then checks through its database of offending odours and tells you how smelly you are. It's the perfect app ahead of your hot date."

Buck has naturally tried the app.

"If I was to use it now, it would come up as a zero on the pong-o-scale," he said. "To give the app a fair crack at proving its worth, I went without showering for a week. I saved a packet on deodorant and soap, easily covering the cost of the app!"

Buck discovered that his armpits etched the screen of the iPhone, they were that bad and the phone game a little squeak of displeasure.

"It was bad," said Buck. "But it was my feet that really caused my iPhone to melt. I mean literally melt. I wrote it down and everything. In hindsight, wearing training shoes twenty-four hours a day was a bad idea. When I took them off I didn't really need the iPhone to tell me I smelled. However, I'm a dedicated reviewer, and I'm here to tell you that this app works, and it's worth five stars of anybody's review!"

Buck has one final word of caution:

"This app is not a suitable replacement for having a shower you smelly hippy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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