WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - Vox Populi writer Tapioca Swizzle recently compiled a list of texts from some noted and unnoted United States GOP politicians.
The politicos ranged from Ted "Dracula Face" Cruz to Mitch "The Moscow Bitch" McConnell and Donald "The Predatorial Nazi" Trump to Greg "Eggplant Face" Abbott.
1. Trump sucks GOP cocks like a cheap Chicago whore.
2. Mitch McConnell has boxer shorts that are 50 years old.
3. Marsha Blackburn has lopsided ovaries.
4. Marco Rubio likes to dress up as a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.
5. Ted "Fuck Face" Cruz has a pee-pee with the initials "GOP" tattooed on it.
6. Trump is a Nazi Cuckold.
7. Josh Hawley is addicted to Midol Pills.
8. Marjorie Taylor Greene has a tattoo of an eggplant located on her sphincter.
9. Trump looks like a pile of orange monkey shit.
10. Ron DeSantis is a closet dick-licker.
NOTE: Vox Populi would like to thank Liz Cheney for her assistance in the compilation of this list.
