BALTIMORE - (Satire Tweets) - Marjorie Taylor Greene says that if her hooha could talk everyone, especially old, blue-haired GOP women, would be shocked as to what utterances would come out of her sexy, sweet beaver (muffin).
MTG says that she learned the art of tweeting from the best, her on-again, off-again boyfriend Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump.
TWEET 1. I just want everyone to know that I am not the evil, mean, hateful, racist bitch that so many news agencies have painted me as being; especially BuzzFuzz, Boom Boom News, Vox Populi, iNews, Sportsapalooza, Tabloid Today, the Scuttlebutt Review, and Veni Vedi Vici.
TWEET 2. I do need to really emphasize this. I did not have Donald Trump's baby, like Sean "The Tampon Sucker" Hannity remarked on his show. And the reason that I know that my baby does not have his DNA, is because the little acorn-dicked Nazi always used a prophylactic (rubber).
TWEET 3. Since someone asked me, yes Trump was a stickler for wearing a condom while he showered. Why? I have no fucking idea!
TWEET 4. Deep down I am really a fun loving 38-year-old, throw caution to the wind, woman.
TWEET 5. I lost my virginity in the back of my dad's 1991 Ford Fairlane to Hughley Pritt, (not to my dad).
TWEET 6. Matt Gaetz named my vagina Zsa Zsa. He told me that as a little boy he fell in love with actress Zsa Zsa Gabor.
TWEET 7. I loved kissing Monica Lewinsky. Wow, she has one gigantic tongue.
TWEET 8. I have one of the biggest G-Spots in the entire country.
TWEET 9. I will give the thief who broke into my apartment and stole all of my panties (13) $200 cash, a $75 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret, and the biggest French kiss he's ever had.
TWEET 10. Stormy Daniels and I both dated Donald Trump, and we told each other how much the perv loved to be spanked on his bare orange ass with a rolled up copy of The Wall Street Journal.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Marjorie tweeted that she's 38. She is actually 48.]