Letters To The Editor: From Melania Trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene, LeBron James, Ghislaine Epstein, & Mrs. Mitch McConnell

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 17 November 2021

image for Letters To The Editor: From Melania Trump, Marjorie Taylor Greene, LeBron James, Ghislaine Epstein, & Mrs. Mitch McConnell
Melania Trump's skin specialist says that Mel has had the hots for LeBron James for years.

NEW YORK CITY, - (Satire News) - Presented by The Daily Drama News Agency.

Dear Editor: I just want everyone to know that I have had it with that worthless, piece-of-shit loser, Don Trump Sr. telling everyone that he has never met me, or that he has never even heard of me. Just look us up on Google. And let me set the record straight, on more than one occasion “Old Toddler Fingers” openly grabbed my thighs, my tits, my ass, and even most of my hooha (pussy).

Ghislaine Epstein
Sing Sing Prison For Women
Ossining, New York

Dear Ms. Epstein: Oh you can rest assured that we, and everyone else knows that the Trumpard not only knows you, but we have photos of him actually boinking you in Brooklyn, Baltimore, and Boston.

Dear Editor: Please stop printing that I am uglier-than-mulch. I may not be as pretty as Heidi Klum, Elizabeth Hurley, or even Kate Upton, but for goodness sakes I am not, I repeat, I am not an ugly-looking skank.

Marjorie Taylor Greene
Washington, D.C.

Dear MTG: We beg to differ with you. Bitch, you have a bad case of the uglies, just like Ann Coulter, Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, Yoko Ono, and Sarah Jessica Parker. And trust us, you are, we repeat, you are one ugly-looking skank!

Dear Editor: If ju ease going to keeps writing teengs about me and my NBA boyfriend, plees make chure dat ju spell he’s first name correctal. He spells eat wif a beeg L, a leedle e, a beeg B, and a leedle r, o, and n. Tank ju too many, and be chure to be best.

Melania Trump
Mar-a-Lago, Florida

Dear Mrs. Trump: Okey dokey hokey pokey.

Dear Editor: I want you to immediately stop writing that my husband (Mitch McConnell) looks like a damn turtle. It hurts his feelings and it causes him to make his erectile dysfunction even worse than it already is.

Ling Ling McConnell (Mitch’s wife).
Washington, D.C.

Dear Ling Ling: The only reason that we write that your old-as-the-hills husband looks like a damn turtle is because he LOOKS like a damn turtle. And on a personal note, have you thought about possibly purchasing a vibrator?

Dear Editor: I am taking time from my very busy schedule to inform you that if I am pounding Melly Trump, then that is no one's fucking business but her's and mine.

Dear LeBron: No problem. And way to go bro!!!


Daily Drama News Agency senior reporter Cinderella St. Lamb would like to thank Bravo's information guru, Andy Cohen for helping her to compile and arrange this list.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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